Playoff picture

Locks

Trichs - The Far East brigade looks to lock up the first place bye, having already secured a finish no worse than 2nd place.  With Gurley and Green leading the way flanked by the Minnesota threesome (including JuCo practice squad darlings Keenum and Thielen) the Trichs are tops in points by more than 150.  They've been over 110 points every week since week 6. Never below 95 on the season.   Trichs will roll into the playoff as the team to beat.

TTM - The Tigers have a lot to play for in final game of the season. A win would lock them into the 2nd bye and loss could cast them into the wildcard hinterlands. The Mile High club has struggled to get consistent performances from QB and hope that Goff can provide even a shadow of production at the position. The bye would go a long way toward protecting them from mercurial first round antics.  Surprise two way weapon Kamara and one man band Hopkins lead a  team that's scored anywhere between 81 and 145.

Nauts - The Nauts are going to the playoffs but could sail into the bye with a win and Tigers' loss. The Nauts are riding a four game win streak including back to back victories over the top two in the standings Trichs and TTM. No team is hotter. The core of the team is Brown and Hunt both of whom can break a game wide open

Wildcard Inside Track

psych dog - Even a loss could still see the dogs in the playoff picture, because they have a healthy lead in points. The old ones have been hit or miss based as much as anything on their attention. Wentz and Cooks give them real premium potential. Odds are they take the 4 spot and face off against five. 

SanFranciscoFerries - The Ferries have the cake walk against the rudderless Mustard Men in the last week. This should ensure that they can gain a playoff berth but nothing is certain. Questions still to be answered about Drake and Ajai could work out in the playoffs. The Ferries are young and that may well serve the purposes of a low seed run.  If they win and the dogs blow their game there's a chance the Ferries end up in 4.  Ferries losing is the best chance for wildcard outside track chaos, 

PelicanBrief - As the de-facto 6 seed the Pelicans are in the most danger of the post position teams. They play a better Nauts team with something to play for and have two winning percentage ties who will take over their sixth spot if they sacrifice it. Big weeks for Gronk and Ingram could make the Brief competitive at the highest levels.

Wildcard Outside Track - 

Phat Girlz - Monique's crew are the favorites to pick up the 6 spot despite being currently in 7th. They face a deficient Bundy squad as a heavy favorite and are only down 50 to pass Pelican even in a wild and wooly tie. 

HomespunNeckBloodz - A long shot. The Spinners could walk into a spot with a victory over a superior dogz team and losses by both Phat Girlz and PelicanBrief.  The Bloodz actually ran the table in a similar scenario in 2009. 

Week 12: Net Neutrality

No picks this week folks; but in the spirit of thankfulness--and preserving things worth giving thanks for--here's a link to a site that provides resources and direction for fighting to preserve net neutrality:

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Kindred websites of this blog (and its twisted mashup of football and geopolitical apocrypha) would have got the short end of the stick without service providers treating internet traffic equally. So let's give props to something worth celebrating, as opposed to Great Moments in Colonialism.

Week 11 Picks: Five AIs that could replace Roger Goodell

By now Roger Goodell's demands for a $50 million salary and a private jet have been widely reported and roundly mocked in sports media of all stripes. Of course, the joke's on us--motherf*****r already makes a cool $30 million a year! And Jerry Jones's willingness to play the black hat among NFL owners notwithstanding, the smart money says that Goodell comes back on a contract that's obscene by any reasonable (read: non-sociopathic) standard.

That said, we can always dream of a world where Goodell is out of a job. Following the fashionable paranoia of the age, let's make it a world where Goodell has been automated off his perch as NFL commissioner, replaced by an AI. And since we're cynical even in our dreams, let's thumb through the pop culture racks for an AI commissioner that might be able to satisfy the NFL's requirements for the job, which apparently include high aptitudes for authoritarianism, capriciousness, and cruelty.

Without further ado, our candidates:

Hal 9000 ("2001: A Space Odyssey")

Pros: willing to dole out harsh punishment to those who defy his will; uber control freak

Cons: too much self-reflection and "inner depth"; disciplining the merchandise by killing it is a bridge too far/bad for business

Ash ("Alien")

Pros: pathological disregard for worker safety; healthy respect for violence

Cons: bleeds milk; British accent

GLaDOS ("Portal")

Pros: caprice is her middle name; keeps sadism fun

Cons: identifies as cis-female; see previous Con

The Tabernacle ("Zardoz")

Pros: extensive experience managing a population of "brutals"; enjoys enforcing arbitrary social rules

Cons: designed by vegetarians; unfamiliar with money

SkyNet ("The Terminator")

Pros: relentless in its pursuit of domination; capable of time travel, so no need for private jet

Cons: cyborg bodyguards creep out owners; wants to destroy humans and thus market for football

Now on to the picks....

Nauts vs. TTM

The Nauts hold the early edge in this face-off of the league's resident postpunk aficionados after Brown's Thursday night explosion. But Hopkins's ridiculous target percentage and Kamara's dynamic role in the Saints' offense mean this one is far from over. 

Trichs vs. Pelicans

The Trichs just keep rolling over the rest of the league like a tank, and this week looks like it will be no exception (the two tight end package adds some spice to the dominance). Meanwhile, the Pelicans will hope Pats-Raiders turns into a shootout, with Gronk and Amendola as the beneficiaries.

BDT vs. Ferries

With the Heideggerians turning ever inward--nary a peep on the waiver wire from its erstwhile-masters--the Ferries are a good bet to prevail in this west coast clash. Look for Russell Wilson and breakout RB Kenyan Drake to provide the winning margin. 

Hanging w Hooper vs. psych dog

Despite a trio of Thursday night lowballs, Hooper still looks primed to defeat a psych dog squad that has lost steam during the bye weeks. With Hurns out and a depleted WR corps, the dachsunds will hope for Brees and McCoy to turn back the clock in this one.

Dijonnaise vs. Polk High

Bloodz vs. Girlz

With Julio Jones facing a countertitration special in Matt Ryan and question marks all over the Bloodz's RB slots, the Girlz are primed to extend their four game winning streak, good for second longest in the league behind the Hair Pullers' reign of terror.

Picks record to date: 17-13

Week 9 Picks

The AEthernauts franchise apologizes for last week's radio silence; we were in the middle of relocating to sunny southern California, but now we've finally made it to our new headquarters in Burbank, where Jules and Vincent famously cleaned poor Marvin's exploded head off their car in "The Bonnie Situation." Good times!

Now on to some lightning picks (predicted winner in bold)...

Nauts vs. psych dog

With psych dog facing a rash of byes at the skill positions (and no doubt occupied by the duties of fatherhood), Tyrod Taylor's solid Thursday night performance should be more than enough cushion for the aerial explorers to land on their first victory in three weeks.

 Trichs vs. Ferries

The rampant Trichs have the magic touch right now, yanking hair into gold. Case in point: Matt Forte turned back the clock in a Thursday night spot start, going for over 20 fantasy points and putting the hair pullers in the driver's seat against the Ferries. Barring another week of Russell Wilson heroics, look for the Trichs to consolidate their hold on first place.

BDT vs. Polk High

The Heideggarians hold the early edge in a matchup of reeling franchises, with Polk High already locked into to a goose egg with Kelvin Benjamin sitting out his first game as a Bill. With theoretically favorable matchups for Carr, Evans, and Martin, look for BDT to be thrown-into victory this week.  

Hanging w Hooper vs. Girlz

While the Girlz have been plagued by inconsistent production from their star receivers and Matty Ice's mammoth Super Bowl hangover, they should still pull out the win this week against a Hooper squad kneecapped by Cousins's matchup with the Legion of Boom and Fuller's downgrade from Deshaun Watson to Tom Savage at the Texans QB slot.

Dijonnaise vs. Bloodz

Even without the injured Leonard Fournette, the Bloodz are a good bet to spin their way to victory against a Mustards roster ravaged by a mix of injuries, byes, and underperforming draft busts. Take the under on this one, gentlemen.

TTM vs. Pelicans

Look for the Pelicans to clear the Mountain in this week's marquee matchup; although the Yahoo bots have this pegged as a practical tossup, TTM's main man Hopkins figures to regress without Watson under center, and the Pelicans arguably hold the edge at every other skill position.

Picks record to date: 12-12