Chavez: Capitalism may have ended fantasy leagues on Mars

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez today suggested that the "unrestrained competitive economic practices, leading to imperialism" may have been responsible for the destruction of fantasy leagues on the planet Mars. Speaking on World Water Day, Chavez sited commercial water operations for draining the Earth's fresh water reserves. In addition, he argued that Western intervention in Libya was designed to secure valuable oil and water reserves, as well as to disrupt the Italian soccer team Juventus, of which Khadaffi's son is part owner. "The resulting destabilization of fantasy soccer will lead to instability in other fantasy leagues, leaving capitalists to pick up the ever dwindling fantasy resources."
The President, who narrowly avoided a CIA-sponsored coup in 2002, went on to speculate that a similar process of property ownership, exchange value and expansion theology may have lead to a global fantasy collapse on the fourth planet in our solar system. The red planet's connection to fantasy sports dates to ancient times when Roman plebians would create hypnos legiones or "dream legions" of their favorite gladiators on wax tablets supplied by the temple of the war god.