Woeful ranking is based entirely on new, as of yet unsubstantiated rumours that Peyton Manning's neck injury might be worse than realised. No team would suffer more if Satan Manning undergoes a second procedure. With Dallas Clark and Austin Collie both projected to start, the Ferries would be scrambling to replace up to 3 starters if the Greatest QB of Our Era is ruled out. Still, Kevin Kolb could prove to be a serviceable replacement for a few weeks if the Manning injury is less severe than feared. This team is already on pins and needles and the season hasn't even started yet.
11. Cincinnati Dangles -
The expansion Dangles put together a more than respectable team in their first Baptism by feuer PSAS phantasy Draft 2011 Online Spectacle Extravaganza. However, the rookie is in for a rude awakening versus the Champ in Week 1. Should the Dangles Shock the World and muster an epic upset, the League would be placed on Immediate Notice, as John Wall Dance Fever Mania could sweep PSAS-favored nightspots from the east to west coasts.
10. Tusken Raiders
Picking 1st overall in the PSAS Draft for a record 3rd consecutive time, the Raiders have an exciting team capable of making the playoffs for the first time in team Hx. Love the Kenny Britt pick - guy is a beast and won't miss any time with suspension. If the rook' Ingram starts collecting goal line laurels this team could be ultra dangerous. The Raiders probably have the most talented top 3 on the League. But alas, the problem with this team has never been talents someone once said, 90% of being successful is just showing up on time.
9. Phat Girlz
Shock absence from PSAS Draft cremation of care ceremony has League worried. Are the rumors true that GM MoNique has been diagnosed with early-onset dementia like her hero Pat Summit, and she simply forgot the Draft time? Or do the Phat Girlz know something we don't? Other clues suggest the Girlz are simply laying low, gathering political support to stage a putsch on the commissionership later on this year. Until proven otherwise, we still think humans are better than computers come draft day, and for that reason, the Girlz have an uphill climb ahead of them to secure the elusive eternal glory of phantasy riches.
8. Taking Tiger Mountain (TTM) -
Solid if unspectacular, TTM is facing an early 0-1 hole unless new heroes VJax and Stevie Johnson can inject some electric mainline into the stagnant franchise early. Color us unimpressed if TTM thinks Beanie Wells can carry them for an entire season, but W. McGahee is an above average flex. Above average IDP defense, too.
7. The Pelican Brief -
The Toyota Ad has anointed the Brief as the best draft class, and who can argue with that? Their running backs suck ballz just like last year, but that's their strategy as every other position is top notch. They'd potentially be ranked higher but we remain cautious regarding Reg. Wayne (see: SF Ferries, supra.). And well, if Gates can remain healthy for a full slate of games, this small market team with limited reserves could be league-wide darlings.
6. dETHRONED_kING -
Arian Foster's tragic injury, clear retaliation by the gods for his otherworldly performance last year, dampers a predictably solid draft. It seems like Texas fever is spreading as this squad boasts in own Texas two-step to rival that of BDT's. It should be interesting to see who wins this duel moving forward. Both teams play each other in Week 2, Game of the Week Alert.
5. BldgDwllngThnkng -
Deft decision-making in the minutes leading up to the Draft, DBT keeps Michael Tuner instead of the rumoured-Romo. Well, the plan worked to perfection as Romo slid to them at the 33rd overall pick, and DBT returns their top-3 triumvirate. Will DBT regret not gambling with the high-upside Felix Jones? We like Brandon Lloyd, this could be the best WR corps in the League. Cedric Benson isn't sexy, but he's an Austinite and should be good for another 1,000 yard season. It's Playoffs or failure once again for BDT.
4. Trichotillomaniacs -
We think the Maniacs had one of the quietest but solid drafts in the PSAS. We're now predicting last year's mediocrity as an aberration, and for this team to return to dominant form. Remember: sustained fantasy excellence is the greatest challenge confronting us mortals, and who can fault the 'maniacs for one below average season? This team was the beneficiary of Vixkennel's highly questionable decision to part ways with its spiritual leader, Mr. Rivers of the San Diego Chargers. Now the Maniacs have perhaps the most fearsome starting lineup in the league. p0wn3d.
3. Grossman Sachs -
Michael Vick. Michael Vick. Michael Vick. Crazy to think he cost only $200K last year. Shonn Greene could be sick, too.
2. Vixkennel -
The Bullseye is clearly on the this team's back this year. He better watch it or he could get Lyndon Johnson'd by one of his fellow Brooklyn Political Party members. How will this team respond to being a frontrunner? If the Kennel responds with added intensity determination and will to power as we predict, the Kennel could take TWO STRAIGHT TITLES, effectively taking over the League. The trophy would have to be renamed the Diosomukos of Ionia trophy, his legend permanently enshrined to the nausea of his rivals.
1. AEthernauts -
A sick draft to go along with the best keeper tandem in the League has us feeling vindicated for calling this one well before anyone else saw it coming. No team will feel good going into a matchup versus Adrian All Day Peterson, Calvin Freak Of Phusis Johnson, LeGarrette Best RB 2nd half of last year Blount, and Dwayne All I did was score 15 TD's last year Bowe. 'Nuff said.
GAME ON
