Excellence in Blogging: "Eli Developing Rapport with Vikings DBs"

The Most Excellent Blogging Association announced today that it has awarded Prescott Bush IV a "Seal of Excellence" for his blog post entitled "Eli Developing Rapport with Vikings DBs." The post was published on Monday October 22nd and quickly made the rounds on various social networks.  Blogging Association President John Stanley had this to say:

"Bush's post was just an all around excellent blog post!  I got on the phone right away with our awards department and had the 'Seal of Excellence' issued.  The post is funny because it's written as if Eli Manning considers the Vikings DBs to be Giants receivers.  What a hilarious concept!"

Prescott Bush IV's blog post from Monday October 22nd.

Prescott Bush IV (interim CEO of Grossman Sachs) took the time to record an acceptance speech:

Download your own seal and make someone's day!!!

RAGE BRADY VIRUS EXPLOITING EDELMAN 1.01 SETEC OS

SETEC IT Services announced this morning that the RAGE BRADY VIRUS has successfully exploited several weaknesses in the current build of the EDELMAN 1.01 SETEC OS.  Technicians have walled off the DOBSON, THOMPKINS and DEVELIN sectors of the build but the fear within the Pelican's organization is that the BRADY sector is permanently damaged.  Season projections now place BRADY sector output at 50% less than originally expected.

Grossman Threat Level Raised to High This Weekend

Disturbing news out of Washington today as Mike Shanahan confirmed that Rex Grossman had again escaped his handlers and was making his way toward the Cowboys/Redskins match-up in Dallas. An agent for the Grossman Sachs Downward Counterfactual Division urged that the DHS advisory rating be raised to Orange, and interest rates be lowered to 1985 levels. Grossman, who last escaped his layer beneath Federal Hall (666 Wall St) in late October, was believed to be in hibernation for the Winter months. Civilians who encounter Quarterback/Throwing-Punter are advised not to look directly into his eyes, as he may feel threatened and attempt to "step up in the pocket". The Commisioner's press secretary Earl "Pig" Bodine would would not comment on rumors that Posse Commitatus laws had be suspended for the duration of the crisis. Grossman was last spotted at a screening of Tron: Legacy in Lexington, Kentucky muttering the movie's tagline, "The game has changed..."

Grossman Rex Havoc on Northeast

New York, NY - (AP) Grossman-Sachs sincerely apologized for the actions of their Chief Executive Officer this past week in a document oddly titled: An Open Apology (Not for Distribution). Rex Grossman escaped from custody sometime Sunday afternoon. It's still unclear how he escaped from his cage at Grossman-Sachs headquarters (666 Wall St, beneath Federal Hall). What is all too clear, however, is that Rex Grossman is not meant for this world.

Follow Grossman's Reign of Terror Here on GoogleMaps!

View Grossman, Rex - Halloween 2010 in a larger map

It all began around noon on Halloween Sunday, October 31st, 2010, when Ol' Zeke, Grossman's lead trainer/programmer entered the basement holding area and could immediately tell something wasn't right. "Rex has a very distinct scent, you see," Zeke began. "It's an overpowering blend of Buffalo Dung, Sulfur, Icelandic Smelt Guts, and Cinnamon. The first few years you're exposed to it you'll experience symptoms similar to the stresses on the body at 5-times gravitation (muscle clenching, nausea, skin melting,) but after a while, I think enough neurons die off in your brain that you're almost drawn to the smell." What Zeke describes are symptoms similar to Toxicplasmosis, which makes rats drawn to the smell of cat urine (ordinarily the ultimate rat repellent) after contracting a virus. "Anyway, the smell was still there, sure," Zeke continued, "but you could tell right away Rex was gone. It's like, yeah, a hydrogen bomb has a hell of an aftermath, nothing like you've ever seen before, but that's really nothing compared to the instant of astronomical light and heat that preceded it. That's the best way to describe it; being around Rex is like spending time frozen in a nuclear explosion. The basement at noon only showed the fallout."

Nobody knows how Grossman escaped from his cage beneath the watchful eye of George Washington

Grossman was next seen at a Chic-fil-A in King of Prussia, Pennsylvania. Tammy, the lone survivor from the Queen of Prussia wing of the mall that is King of Prussia, Pennsylvania, was still shaking when she was pulled off the nearby radio tower three hours after Rex's visit. "It was like he was made of avalanches, you know? All this unbelievable power snowballing further and further out-of-control, but you can still see exactly what's gonna happen next. I saw him just rip a guy in half because he was wearing a Tebow jersey; it was insane. And my friend Gina, she got, well, I can't even say it..." What she can't say, we can't print, because it's now a matter of national security.

"All matters relating to the past, present, and future, of Rex Grossman are hereby classified under the State Secrets privilege," President Obama declared late Sunday night. "There are too many unknowns still to be discovered, too many risks of any of this information falling into the wrong hands, and too many lives at stake to overlook such necessities in the name of a 'Free Press.' I know it may not be a particularly popular decision, especially on the eve of elections, but I will not succumb to the demands of a small minority of Grossman Truthers."

Grossman's agent, Commodore Jessup Jurivicious-- a former NAVY Intelligence Officer, released the following statement. "While this is a sad day for America, and an embarassing day for Grossman-Sachs, Rex wants everyone to know he does not regret his actions; his only regret is that he didn't get to throw an interception."

Grossman Sachs vs DOJ

Paul Joseph Watson

Infowars.com

October 17, 2000

(New York) It’s official, and I can’t say much of a surprise, the Department of Justice is investigating speculative fraud at Grossman Sachs. Alarms were set off last week, when after a precipitous downslide of Grossman stock, the Board of Directors bet against their own company’s stock price. Was there possible collusion between Grossman Sachs and The International Necronauts, the most direct beneficiary of their poor performance this past week?

(What is speculative trading or short selling? For more info please watch the incendiary Oliver Stone documentary Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, copies can be found at www.oliverstonethinksurstupid.com, or you can email Mr. Stone directly at Oliver!@bohemiangrove.org)

(Grossman Sachs Board of Directors, from left: Medussa Rothschild, Vladamir Rockefeller, Cruella Vanderbilt, Adolf Sachs, Prescott Bush IV, and Rex Grossman)

The firm of Grossman Sachs has vehemently denied any wrongdoing, saying Rex Grossman is just a bad CEO, and certain shareholders were smart enough to know that. “We titrated the analytics is all,” said Sachs board member Mr. Chelsea Clinton. “We looked at the trends, ramdogged the numbers, gangbanged the derivatives, shot the moon, and ate the cereal and we did it all before breakfast. The numbers were all there, plain as day, just look at what Limbaugh said about the guy.” Mr. Clinton was referring to Rush Limbaugh’s comments in February 2007, when Limbaugh lambasted the press for intentionally trying to sabotage Grossman Sachs stock.

“I can't handle anymore press criticism of Rex Grossman. They're writing his name W-R-E-C-K-S…It's just -- they're focusing on this guy like they don't focus on anybody! They can't wait for this guy to fail… the guy's been targeted for destruction.”

So, is Limbaugh right? Was Grossman Sachs destroyed by design? We sat down with documentary filmmaker / bane of your girlfriend’s existence, Alex Jones. Mr. Jones has made 117 documentaries, 32 of which are on Rex Grossman.

“Look, we all know this guy’s a stooge, but just what kind of stooge is he? Cui bono if you will. I’ll tell you who it is, it’s the IMF, NWO, WWE, FEMA, VICKSKENNEL, MCI WORLDCOM, and it just goes on and on people. I’m just, it’s—I can’t tell you how much I hate these scum, we’re neck deep in a sea of collectivist technocratic bosshog shit and it’s getting in our lungs and compromising our precious bodily fluids.”

Jones could no longer speak as he was weeping uncontrollably into a burrito. We asked his cohort Webster Tarpley (star of the upcoming Ghostbusters movie in the coveted Bill Murray role) to elaborate. “It’s a group of extreme bankers and finance oligarchs. Their agenda is to kill the American economy, suck all the lifeless blood out of it, and then sell off the worthless carcass for top dollar to the el mundo pequeno, and they’re starting with Grossman Sachs.” Tarpley later added he’s available for speaking engagements and child birthday parties, for more info please see www.webstersbirthdayparties.com/thishasnothingtodowithemmanuellewis/tarpfun/.

While it may be months or even years before the Department of Justice can sift through the avalanche of evidence, there is little doubt that Grossman Sachs knows they’re being watched carefully now. The board of directors recently released a press statement containing the following: “It may seem hard to believe to our investors, employees, and slaves that we would somehow be administering our own destruction, apparently the concept is not too far fetched for the Department of Justice and rogue sites such as infowars.com to exploit for political gain. To our detractors we say eat our balls, and dying right here is strictly prohibited.”

Sadly French radio host Maximillion von Keiser was unavailable for comment, but his away message said “Grossman Sachs?! They’re arsonists! And their asking the Pre-Socratic All-Starz for more matches, and the PSAS is saying ‘Who do we make the check out to?” Destruction by design indeed.

******UPDATE*******

October 20th, 2010

This article was originally to be published a week ago, but do to myself, Mr. Jones, Mr. Tarpley and Mr. Limbaugh being considered persona non grata as contributors to For Here Too... the truth is only now seeing the light of day. We'll be keeping a close eye on this, and specifically the exclusionary tactics of Bu1ld1ingDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng. Perhaps this was a deliberate effort to keep the heat off Grossman Sachs, and their seemingly deliberate destruction for one more week before their battle with Bu1ld1ingDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng.

P.S. We're on the march, Grossman Sachs is on the run!