Disturbing news out of Washington today as Mike Shanahan confirmed that Rex Grossman had again escaped his handlers and was making his way toward the Cowboys/Redskins match-up in Dallas. An agent for the Grossman Sachs Downward Counterfactual Division urged that the DHS advisory rating be raised to Orange, and interest rates be lowered to 1985 levels. Grossman, who last escaped his layer beneath Federal Hall (666 Wall St) in late October, was believed to be in hibernation for the Winter months. Civilians who encounter Quarterback/Throwing-Punter are advised not to look directly into his eyes, as he may feel threatened and attempt to "step up in the pocket". The Commisioner's press secretary Earl "Pig" Bodine would would not comment on rumors that Posse Commitatus laws had be suspended for the duration of the crisis. Grossman was last spotted at a screening of Tron: Legacy in Lexington, Kentucky muttering the movie's tagline, "The game has changed..."
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