Week 7 Casino Gulag

 

 

I'll admit, my repertoire is quickly drying up for this casino thing.  I'm scrambling through the blog for past ideas.  I'll keep using my brain cells and clicking muscles, but any ideas from any of you for a casino game will be welcomed and appreciated.

 

Since we went to the unheralded side of the game in the past two weeks, let's bring the football back to the huddle.  We'll revisit Yardz is Right, and this week it'll be QB edition. 

 

So, pick a player (QB unless you think Weddle can throw for that much through fake-punts) that will THROW CLOSEST TO 300 YDS WITHOUT GOING OVER IT. 

 

3 bb per bet, one bet limit.  Prize is double the pool with matching funds.  This week's arbitrary 1 bb refund is Peyton Manning against SF defense. 

First come, first serve.  Bet below or respond to email. You know about my pick.

Week 7 Stock Market

Hyoo, that was something of a nothing.  Waiver wire apocalypse.  Seems it happens at least once every season, kind of a Yahoo charm.  

Now.  I just want to tell you something.

I think Anita Marks of Bleacher Report is hot.  I also like ESPN's Prim Siripipat, but she's a dookie (I did my research).

I'm glad that's off my chest.  Now let's talk fantasy.  We got Phat Monique looking down at us from atop alone.  The sixth-straight win came with fireworks from start to finish, with Luck-Hilton double titration starting off the Girlz fast and furious on TNF.  Nauts and BDT are still right behind Girlz at 5-1, while TigerMtn and Dijon have playoff spot in sight with 4-2 records.  The rest of the league contests for the sixth and final spot in the big dance as things stand now.  

Showdown Week

Many knock-out matches are in the lineups as teams look to line themselves up for better spot in the bell-curve as we turn the corner.  Nauts look to topple Monique's reign in this week's showdown between 1 and 2 while teams hovering at or below .500 mark are almost in early must-win mode.  Fantasy juggernaut Philadelphia and laughingstock Tampa are on bye this week. 

Don't worry, I'm not bringing back the ass trends. 

The payout schedule for each 5 bankerbitez bet is as following.

                                      Blue Chip     Market Performer     Junk
Blue Chip (#1-4*)                  5                      3                          2
Market Performer (#5-8*)     10                     5                          3
Junk (#9-12*)                        15                     10                        5

*Based on weekly Power Rankingz.  In case of a tied rank, commissioner's ruling will be published here.

The Guide

-The Super Now
(1) Phat Girlz 6-0 (5 bb) vs (2) AEthernauts 5-1 (5 bb)

Arguably the most anticipated match of this year will feature the top two teams.  Plenty of interesting matchups starting from the top with Luck vs Newton, Forte vs Murray, and Cobb vs Nelson.  If Big Sky cannot stop Big Girlz here, it could be a runaway to 1st-round bye for Monique.

Coming off a monster week in which the match against Shock_Pick was essentially over as soon as it started when Luck and Hilton connected for over 150 ydz just in the first quarter of TNF en route to scoring the season's best.  Forte and Tate both with two TDs each had their best games of the season while Cobb continues to find the endzone.  Detroit sacked Teddy eight times to top it with a cherry.  The Girlz' roster is full of matchup-proofed starters save for TE and Flex positions lead by Luck-Hilton double titration that simple looks unstoppable.  Pesky Cincy defense trying to stop Indy this week is the key here (come'on Pacman).

Nauts sat Newton in favor of Eli again in Week 6 and almost paid dearly for it.  Cam regained his Superman self while the lesser Manning regained his former self in being shut out by Philly defense (time for that defense to be re-cognized).  Nelson and Murray continued to show top form with solid games of their own.  DeMarco's was especially rather impressive against Seattle, who's gold-plated defense is starting to show some peel.  Beyond Newton, Murray and Nelson, Big Sky stands a bit shaky especially following season ending injury to Cruz, which essentially robs the sky of formidable double titration option and devalues Eli significantly.  Sanders will replace Cruz at WR2, and we may see the return of two-TE set , but the key to winning this showdown is RB2 production out of either Stacy or Ivory.

Nauts get the tough end of the stick with even-odds on what's essentially an upset pick.

Her Highness works hard to maintain

-Titration is Name of the Game

(3) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng 5-1 (2 bb) vs (9) Trichotillomaniacs 1-5 (15 bb)

Trix look to spoil BDT's aspiration to climb atop while the other top teams knock each others out. 

BDT came out of Week 6 with a W in a predictably tough week for Romo-Bryant Dallas express playing in Seattle.  The rest of the team didn't fare much better, with only one TD scored by a non-QB helping the Boyz barely crack triple digits.  They still get it done where it counts.  Cowboyz have a more favorable matchup playing against the Giants at home, and McKinnon's ascension to starting role can only be positive here, although the rookie has a tougher match up against Buffalo in Week 7.  A win here will put BDT on the blink of playoffs spot.

Trix exploded in Week 6 as if to let out all the frustrated energy piled up for the first five weeks.  They were one SF 4th-down TD conversion/FG away from notching both the league's highest score and coveted Toyota biggest margin, an incredible feat from a previously winless team.  JJ came out on TNF with a bang that started the TD frenzy in the Far East.  Kaep capped it off on MNF with arguably one of the best games of his career.  While Shady didn't get to the endzone, he showed glimpse of what's expected to be the real deal on SNF.  It speaks for the potential that this team has always had, but consistency has been what's truely lacking for the Hairpullers.  The bye hits the Trix hard in Week 7, with McCoy, Maclin and Martin all getting the mid-season rest.  If there's going to be an unlikely turnaround of the season in the Far East, no week is more crucial than this one.

Yet another favorable odds for the Upsetters.

-The Knock-Out Round
(4) TakingTigerMountain 4-2 (3 bb) vs (5) Dijonnaise All-Stars  4-2 (10 bb)

This match has more playoffs ramification than the match of the week, as the winner here will get a room to breath while a loss would see the team get gobbled up by the rest of playoffs outsiders.

TigerMtn is skidding a bit after dropping second in a row in a lopsided fashion to Trix in Week 6.  A win was a tall order regardless of opponent here with New Orleans on bye, so it might as well have happened against an explosion.  While fill-ins Tannehill and Cook played admirably, TigerMtn truely missed Brees-Graham connection in a match that they never really had a chance following JJ's TNF atrocity.  Sanu's breakout in Cincy in AJ's absence is a welcomed sign in a week Quick was all but shut-out in Flex-duty.  The backfield situation is not as cheeky.  As losing AP, who TTM decided to drop from the roster, is not enough, his replacement Asiata is being phased out rather quickly in Minnesota in favor of a talented rookie.  Injury bug got to Sproles, so Mountain Men will rely on Hillman and Vereen's supposedly increased load following Ridley's injury to help lift the backfield.  Ingram's return from injury can't come soon enough for the Tigers. 

Colonel Mustard escaped a MNF thriller with a win thanks to a late-game pick-6 by SF defense that sealed the win for both Niners and Dijon.  It marked the third-straight for Colonel, who's proving that 2014's version of DraftBot is far more superior to its previous versions and this year's RecapBot.  Foster is proving to be worth every bit of money the bot decided to pay while keeper A-Rodg is as reliable as ever.  Greg Olsen being Cam's favorite target in Carolina covers up the lack of WR consistency.  Knowshown's knee silently buckling in the South Beach means Miller will assume starting roles both for the Fins and Mustards, which can only be good news moving forward.  TigerMtn presents a true test of legitimacy for Colonel in Week 7.

Even match with a favorable odds will see a team collect dividends.

-Shock in Cisco
(6) SanFranciscoFerries 3-3 (3 bb) vs (10) Shock_Pick® 2-4 (10 bb)

Another chance for psychedog to shock PSAS in a winnable match against SFF. 

In stark contrast to last year in which the SF season essentially consisted of two long streaks, this year's Boatmen have alternated wins and losses in the first six weeks.  The good news here is that this week they are supposed to win if the pattern continues, but there are several concerns here.  First, they are coming off a season low performance at 74 pts.  Lacy's Week 5 performance is looking more like a fluke after he lowballed yet again in Week 6 in a game Green Bay was forced to throw in making its come back.  Only Russel Wilson scored a rushing or receiving TD in a game that SFF saw only three players (one is a kicker) score in double digit.  Keeper Cordarrelle and Welker are struggling at WR2, so Frisco Kids will probably turn to Odell Beckham Jr., who will move up NYG depth chart following injury to Cruz.  Boatmen need the youngsters to lift the team up in order to avoid a slip below .500.

Shockers never had a chance against Luck-lead Girlz in Week 6, but the revamped backfield flashed some promises with Oliver dancing and Williams getting the touches.  Demaryius regaining 2013 form and Cutler's continued lack of bone-headed mistakes make Primordial Ones a weekly contender.  The protest at IDB continues, but we'll just regard it as strategic allocation.  

Both the odds and projection favor the Shock.  Days of playing Primordial Ones and betting against them equal free money is over.

-Spinning Bundy
(t.7)HomeSpunNeckBloodz 3-3 (3 bb) vs (11) Polk High Panthers 1-5 (10 bb)

Polk High look to turn season around here while Bloodz try to go above .500 for the first time this year. 

While it wasn't pretty, Bloodz took care of business in Week 6 against SFF thanks to Gio and SSS coming through in bounceback fashion.  While not living up to the hype, Foles has been serviceable save for one disastrous game.  Depth is there for the Bloodz to manage through bye season as they are 3-4 deep at both WR and RB positions.  The exception is at QB, where Foles on bye in Week 7 will make Cyclotron active in the waiver field looking for a fill-in.  This is a match in which Bloodz need to pick up a win in order to make a serious run at the playoffs.

Bundys had no chance in Week 6 as Megatron and AJ were injured-out and Charles on bye.  The season is quickly slipping away as Polk High has lost five in a row after Week 1 win over still-win-less Pelican.  While getting Charles back from bye is a plus, both Megatron and AJ figure to be out again at a crucial juncture of the 8-win bench mark.  Charles really needs to return with top-ranking form to give Panthers' season a chance.  The good news is that the schedule starts to ease up for Bundy, with the next three opponents all sitting at or below .500. 

The Upsetter chune is a tough sell here, Iman sez.

Many rivers to cross, Knowshown ...

-Feelings Hurt
(t.7) The Old Future 2-4 (3 bb) vs (12) ThePelicanBrief 0-6 (10 bb)

Search for the win continues for the Grishamites as the Rookie Oldies get in the way this week.

Future Boyz lost another close one in Week 6 and are on the outskirts looking in.  In scoring close to 120pts, Peyton was rather average for his standard but the roster saw good number of production from every phase of the game.  While TE Cameron's return to fantasy elite form was good omen, CJ Spiller's stock is quickly falling.  Knowshown's was the blown-knee that no one knew about, and judging from the past, he must have shed a bucket in South Beach.  It's crucial to get the titration right against the Pelican team desperate for their first win.  Future's two wins have come against struggling Polk High and Trix, so expect McFlies to get it done here and stay in the contention.

Pelican was quietly close to an upset win in Week 6, but the QB decision came back to bite.  Brady is all of a sudden putting up QB1 number, which adds to the fury of Pelican leaving him on the bench.  LynchM0b has come down to earth and seems to be battling some lingering back issue, which adds to the Pelican blues.  Carson Palmer's return in Arizona benefitted Fitz and should continue to do so.  They did crack 100 last week, so things look to have hit rock bottom.  With Brady's resurgence, we shall see the rise of Pelican.

It can be too enticing to pick the upset here with favorable odds.

Derivatives

For Sale:
Celebrity Jeopardy: Future win and Trix win (25 bb)

Return of the Upsetters: Shock win, Trix win and Pelican win (50 bb)

Freebies with purchase

Double And Then There Were None: Nauts win and Pelican win (20 bb)

Comment below for orders.

Power Rankings Week 7

Delicious Cupcakes

Massive blood-letting as we enter the meat of the season, two over  170, multiple starting RBs and WRs done for the year. We had a semi-contraction, down to one undefeated and one winless, two 5-1 and two 1-5, two 4-2 two 2-4 and two 3-3 - a flat bell curve.


1.  (1)  Phat Girlz - (6-0) - Can the Girlz be beat? It's an open question, they're walking all over the rest of the league, reminding the rest of us of 2010 when they went 10-3, regularly mashing opponents, only to lose to an auto-pilot team in the finals. Crazy inflated numbers this week from superior double titration from Luck/Hilton, and the best days of the year from ground game Tate and Forte.  Big. Bad. Girlz.

2.  (2) BuildingDwellingThinking  (5-1)- As the Cowboys go, so goes BDT, and how 'bout them Cowboys?  Romo & Co were the toast of highlight reels, upsetting the Seahawks. Luckily the Thinkers didn't need their big guns against a limping Polk squad as they put up a variety of lowballs outside of Romo and Ertz. They'll be limited as long as Ball misses games, but the German Philosophers should put up mid range numbers like this, even in an off week. 

3. (3) Aethernauts - (5-1) - Lucky trumps good every time and the Ether Breathers were very lucky to escape with a win in this one. Riding a long-shot bet one game too long, the Nauts took a bath on Eli's awful Sunday night.  Another ho-hum 20 point performance from Murray was the real driving force here. Flacco and Newton were top QB1 in fantasy on the bench.  No one's going to replace Cruz's production and his injury is a definite downgrade, but wideout is notoriously the easiest place to fish for big points.  The Nauts will try and hold the playoff course. 

4. (4) TakingTigerMountain  (4-2) -  Saints bye week was a low-likelihood for a win, but the Trichs put up a world-beating score anyway. The Tigers got back on the right side of triple digits, with a spot start for Tannehill and some good yardage numbers for the WR corps. With Graham likely taking a slow recovery, the Tigers will be counting on Brees to return to QB1 status to lead them. 

5. (7)  Dijonaise All Stars (4-2)   - It's hard to remember why the ratings were so down on the Mustard Men. Foster and Rodgers seemed like throw backs, but have been living in days of your the last couple weeks. With Lamar Miller the main beneficiary of Moreno's injury, they can potentially go to a three RB set.  It's taken a little while but the fantasy gods seem to have corrected the auto-draft handicap.  

6. (5)  SanFranciscoFerries (3-3)-  The Ferries sunk in week 6, getting lowballs from their top four skill positions. Lacy crashed back to earth after a few promising weeks. Bell continued his streak of six straight double digit games.  Deep at running back the Bay Area Boatmen are lacking in wide receiver production, although Cruz's injury sets the rookie Beckham up with a big role. 

T. 7.  (6) Old Future (2-4)  - The Futurists again got beat with a big number, they would have beat two thirds of the teams in the league with their 119. Starting both Buffalo's running backs was a bold move that backfired.  Still with Manning & Alshon, the Future is going to be in it week in week out.

T. 7. (8)  Homespun Neckbloodz (3-3) - The Cyclotron spun up a low-end win in week 6 and survived an injury scare to Nio-Gio.  Foles has been solid, excepting a week 4 hiccup, but has yet to approach the top end QB status he looked to threaten.  Humor points for a J-ville defense stint, not likely to be repeated this year.  Steve Smith Sr's graying renaissance has been a shot in the arm, he's #3 WR by points, drafted for the bargain price of $1.  

9. (11)  Trichs  (1-5) - Backs to the river the Trichs pulled a page out of Sun Tzu's book and burned bridges or boats or something. Whatever it was, it worked, only the Mighty Monique topped the Trichs 170 this week. The Hair-Pullers had no less than eight double digits including a rare 20 pt IDP from JJ Watt. Losing Ridley isn't as much of a downgrade since he was really backup in deep Shogunate backfield. The Keeper-nick had his best week of 2014, and not every one will be against the Rams, but he's quietly a QB2.

10. (12) Shock_Pix  (2-4) - After a massive line-up reset the Shock was flattened by the Girlz force majeur. Branden Oliver, as expected, is a big wire hit and has the potential to lead the ground game here.  With Cutler at QB1 and Demaryius finding his rhythm, the Primordial Ones could rise into playoff contention before the bye weeks are behind us.

11. (9)  Polk High Panthers (1-5) - Pity the Polks - their season already riddled with injuries the losses keep piling up. We knew from the beginning that they would be almost entirely dependent on blue chip keepers Megatron & Green, both injured this week. And with Charles & Pierre out on byes there was no real way to stop the bleeding this week.  With a five in the loss column the Panthers need to reach back and find a way to win without their stars, or risk a trip to the consolation tourney.

12. (11)  Pelican Brief (0-6)-  When misfortune leads us to questioning our core strategy, despair can provoke a kind of lassitude, which barely conceals a longing for the peace that only oblivion can provide.  After gambling heavily on Cousins to outplay Brady last week and coming up short, the Grishamites "let it ride" despite the fact that Flacco (a surprising #8 by points) and Brady, who regained his composure last week, both had superior match-ups to the Kirk. Even Seattle's defense sat the bench. It's too bad, because a Nauts lowball nearly gave the Brief a much-needed win.

Hurt Feelings...

These Bot Recaps are really, really mean...

AEthernauts took advantage of 20.60 points from DeMarco Murray and 17.00 from the Arizona Cardinals Defense, edging ThePelicanBrief 106.29 to 103.66. AEthernauts came into the Sunday night game facing a 5.96-point deficit, but scored 12.89 for the comeback. It seems like ThePelicanBrief showed up to the draft and then disappeared. They have gone all season without a win. ThePelicanBrief was led by the tag team of Stephen Gostkowski, with 16.50 points, and Larry Fitzgerald, who scored 15.80. AEthernauts (5-1, 713.18 points) remains in second place while ThePelicanBrief (0-6, 558.66 points) stays locked in last place.

More highlights...

• After that performance, we have to wonder if ThePelicanBrief cares about becoming a Hall Of Famer at all. That's right, you're being judged by an online recap. 
• Well, that's embarrassing. Left Joe Flacco on the bench, where he ranked second in the league in scoring with 33.49 points.
• A nod is as good as a wink to a blind horse. Clearly, ThePelicanBrief didn't know what they were doing when they picked up and started Ryan Mundy. He scored a team-worst 12.3% of his projected point total for 0.40 points.
• Quintin Demps, who ThePelicanBrief picked up this week, scored below his 5.61-point projection with 4.30 points.

Week 6 Recap

Week 6 is in the bag and we got all kinds of things piling up in there.  Wins and losses, money and power, lust and caution, shit and honey.  All is well with Monique at the all-you-can-eat buffet.  Pelican's still not found its wings.  Previously winless Trix blowout TigerMtn in scoring the season's second highest points in a game.  This year's early cinderella is L'etoile Dijonnaise, who at 4-2 after grinding out a win in a MNF nailbiter sits comfortably in midst of the playoffs chase.  Teams below .500 needs to start playing with urgency.  The list of noteworthy PSAS fantasy news goes on and on.  But let's take a moment to pat ourselves in the back for welcoming another child, getting engaged, getting married, getting laid, getting licensed, getting a raise, getting promoted, getting wiser, getting old, getting the most out of fantasy football, whatever have you.  Ok, now back to what really counts.  The Injuries situation in the NFL is brutal yet again as we saw too many popping knees and grown-man crying on a beautiful October Sunday, resulting in some major low-balling around the league.  It's crutch time now.

Kicker Tea Party

This was a toss up that ended up helping the rich get richer as Girlz correctly picked Parkey time to come through.  Suisham had the league's shortest FG of the week at 20 yardz while Dawson had a potential 19 yd FG robbed by the decision for Jim Harbough to go for it to go up three scores in MNF. 

TTM: Justin Tucker, 46 ydz

Dijon: Sea Bass, no FG

Future: Dan Carpenter, no FG

Trix: Phil Dawson, 54 ydz

Girlz: Cordy Parkey, 31 ydz

BDT: Blair Walsh, 40 ydz

Greedy Monique will be awarded 33 pts (pot plus matching funds minus 3 bet).

Stock Market

Trix rewarded those who invested in them with a nice payout and the market overall saw a nice gain as predicted, although Future loss prevented from even bigger gains for many.  With injuries mounting, every dollar counts in the waiver market.

Babylon Oppression: Girlz, BDT, and Nauts won, but TTM lost

Curse of Celebrity Jeopardy: Trix won but Future lost

.500: Bloodz won but Future lost

Combo-ATTWN: Trix won, bu Shock and Pelican lost

0-6: Pelican lost but Trix won

cursed derivative will surely return again

Recap

Future: +9

BDT (+2)

Shock (-5)

Trix (+15)

FG (-3)

Trix: +15

Trix (+15)

Babylon (-5)

FG (-3)

dividends (x4=+8)

BDT: +4

Shock (-5)
Trix (+15)

Celebrity Jeopardy (-5)

FG (-3)

dividends (+2)

Nauts: +10

Trix (+15)

Celebrity Jeopardy (-5)

TTM: -3

FG (-3)

Dijon: -3

FG (-3)

Girlz: +33

FG (-3+36)

Shock: +4

dividends (x2=+4)

Stock Market, helping you get cold cuts and do the shuffle since '09

Public Funds Index
+223+69=+292

As always, check your numbers.

2014 Moral Victory Announced

Standing at the bank of River Acheron, General Far East stared up at the sign.

"FARE TO HELL IS 3 CENTS" it read.

General picked up his writing brush and drew six circles on a white cloth.

"My troops will carry six cents in their pockets.  They'll cross River of Death, see Hell, and come back alive," General proclaimed. 

--------------

This season again, we'll play Moral Victory from Week 7 to Week 13.

We'll accumulate points scored during those weeks.  Highest scorer among teams that miss the playoffs will receive $10 for next year's auction budget for, as the former commissioner El-Beni would say, "eating some shit out of chocolates."  We'll also distribute $6, $4 and $2 to the winner, runner-up and third-place team of the consolation tourney respectively.  These are all same as last year.

Last season TigerMtn collected both Moral Victory and consolation winner after that crazy Week 13.  Who's going to feel crappy for 8 months and then be smiling next year? 

Week 6 Casino Gulag

Casino Gulag continues to pump liquidity into the market.  Well, I made something of a promise that if Prater landed Detroit's recently vacated kicker gig, we'll play a kicker gulag.  It's tough being a kicker.  Unlike other positions, if you don't perform, you don't get benched.  You get fired.  Or in Matt Prater's case, you drink (and get caught driving), you lose your job.  This was one that wasn't actually in the arsenal for me, although my pulple-hazed memory recollects picking Greg Zuerlein for some game a couple years back. 

Anyways, I wanted to take some pressure off these fellows, so we'll play a relaxed game.  I'll call it Tea Party Kicking Game.  It's a conservative's game.  Pick the kicker that kicks THE SHORTEST FIELD GOAL.  Under current NFL rules, the shortest possible field goal is 17 yards, 10 yards of endzone plus seven yards that the holder sets behind the line of scrimmage.  So whoever picks the kicker with a field goal closest to 17 yards will win.  A lot of factors go in to play here.  Which teams can't score TDs in the redzone?  Which coaches make conservative decisions to kick rather than going for it on Fourth-and-Goal? 

Each bet will cost 3 bankerbitez, and there will be matching funds on the house.  So the prize pool will be doubled again.  For the sake of it, or just because I mentioned them, if Prater or Greg the Leg, both known for big legs, kicks the shortest FG, regardless of anyone picking them to win or not, all participants will get a 1 bb refund. 

Limit one bet per franchise.

Comment below or email for orders.