Monique Rails Against Points Inflation

An agitated Monique was candid in her weekly press conference Monday, and didn't leave much to the imagination.

"I see points inflating like when I step on a scale, baby," Monique exclaimed as a second straight loss to open the season seemed imminent. "I remember when the only benchmarks on Sunday was lunch after church at Denny's and 100 points. Now I look around and I see 130, 140, 150 points and it looks like this defecit that Alex Jones and all those crazy boys keep jabbering about." She added that "teams are racking up points faster than those skinny bitches are losing weight. I feel like I need a abacus just to keep up with this shit."

Monique is already distressed after a gross oversight by the commissioner kept her out of the draft. "People say there's points inflation, but I'm feelin Phat Girlz deflation--deflating my points by sticking me with 3 tight ends, 2 running backs, and no voice in the draft. I feel like I'm at a wedding buffet full of celery and carrot sticks, baby."

Some PSAS onlookers questioned Monique's exclusion from the draft, forced upon her by a scheduling snafu that left her entertaining a newly pregnant Ann Gregory's visit to New York while other teams had the opportunity to select the best available options during the first-ever keeper draft on September 9.

"It's shady, just like when my show was cancelled," former Mike'd Up host Mike Francesa said. "Here you've got Monique, a lady that's always been one of the most active members of the league, and is a defending and 2-time runner up to boot. And she's excluded from the draft? It definitely raises some questions.". Francesa added, "I've known Monique for years and she's all class. She's not gonna make a stink unless she's confident that there's an agenda afoot."

Monique has been quiet thus far, and has chosen to hilight out-of-control scoring above her draft exclusion. "Thats just evidence of her integrity," Francesa said. "She knows she got screwed in the draft, but she's a competitor and isn't going to make excuses. But she also knows that the points race has to have a ceiling--otherwise there's no standard in this league, and if there's one thing Monique cares about, it's standards."

The rest of Monique's presser was mostly typical--she commented on building depth and creating more scoring opportunities for Maurice Jones-Drew and Roddy White. The only side comment of note was that she suggested that LSU is about to run into a "buzzsaw" at West Virginia in college football.