View from the Far East: Sun Tzu's matchup previews week 2

GrossmanSachs vs Phat Girlz (headliner of the week)

The commissioner’s side added Edelman through the waiver wire as “the missing piece” but it came with a price.  The $39 bid for the Pats only sure-pair-of-gloves caused some stir in the market as rumors swarmed the trading floor about the expected stimulus measures by the bankerz in the near future.  For the time being, the investment paid off, as Edelman was the only non-disappointment of the Thursday night’s game.  Monique needs running backs Miller and Wilson to have much (x28) better games in week 2.  The bankerz boast the steel sheet of backs with AP and Foster, unless Tate can put a crack in it.

-GS by 6.5

SanFranciscoFerries vs HomeSpunNeckBloodz

Reggie Bush is emerging as a b34st in Detroit; such a Motown kinda guy, right?  Whatever it was, it was good to get rid of Kardashian.  The trio of Morris, Bush and Lacy may be the group of backs with the most upside this season.  The Bloodz are riding on the Bears offense, which causes chuckles in some corners of the globe.  Not in the Far East, as the daoists witnessed first hand Cutler’s cannon arm while retreating in Boulder.  Of course, the monks used a dooshbag named McDaniels to send the doosh QB away, however, so there’s probably something wrong with Cutler.  I don’t trust the guy, he looks best when his chin strap is hanging with his head, says Sun Tzu.

-SFF by 3.5

Trichotillomaniacs vs TakingTigerMountain

The aerial battle of double titration favors TTM with Brees and the Saints facing suspect defense in Tampa.  Kap and the Niners are in tough Seattle this week.  With Ridley once again under-performing on Thursday, the General's patience with the Pats back is apparently wearing thin.  The Trichs acquired a more familiar and reliable back in Frank Gore through trade with the German Philosophers.  Frank the Tank looks to get in the Far East lineup next week, but for this week the Trichs are counting on the Jax-Oakland game to be a running feast.  TTM has upside in the ground game with Bradshaw’s workload expected to increase after a mid-week injury to Vick Ballard.   

-TTM by 4.5

ThePelicanBrief vs Dijonnaise All-Stars

The Grishamites hoped they would have scored as much on Thursday with Tom Brady as the Colonel’s kicker and DST New England tandem.  Didn’t happen.   Now the expansion team has a chance to start 2-0 if they can win the battle of three wide receivers.  Probably won’t see a better matchup of receiver triplets than Cobb, Welker and Nicks versus Fitz, Marshall and Cruz, but the deciding factor maybe the ground game or IDPs.

-PB by 2.5

Polk High Panthers vs Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylzÒ

Somehow this feels a lot like an NFC South divisional game.  Aerial attack favors the Panthers, while the ground game is the Lyfestylz to lose.  As of Saturday night, the B-dawgz likely need help at TE with Dwayne Allen’s doubtful designation if they want to avoid slipping to a 0-2 start. 

-PHP by 1.5

AEthernauts vs Tusken Raiders

Cam Newton and RGIII could be playing in the NFC championship in 2015, but neither of the starting QBs have unleashed their potential yet in 2013.  The outcome may very well be decided by role players and DST.  Ronnie Brown is a good vulture candidate for the Volts that can spark something in Tatooine, but the Giants defense face Payton and the Broncos as opposed to the stellar Carolina defense for the Nauts facing EJ and the Bills.  I'll take the Broncos and the Panthers, says Sun Tzu. 

-Nauts by 4.5  

BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng vs the Goslings

Another battle of double titration.  QBs Romo and Luck are well matched, but ever-reliable Wayne holds the upperhand to Dez.  The German Philosophers are trying to counter that by inserting TY Hilton of the Colts at flex.  The speedy Hilton quizzically had lost favor in the Far East land, and he and DeAngelo Williams were acquired through trade with the Trichs for Frank the Tank.  Goslings need Shady McCoy to "take advantage of Chip Kelley’s system" in full again this week.  Fast as wind, that’s one of the four pillars of Sun Tzu strategy, so the expansion side has a chance.  

-BDT by 3

Sun Tzu is the most influential military strategist in the east and a former head coach of the Trichotillomaniacs.  He is now an analyst for ESPN Far East.