BREAKING: SF FERRIES TO START SHOCKTOP COSPLAYER/NFL QB JIMMY CLAUSEN IN PSAS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

From Left to Right: Shocktop Mascot & Shocktop Mascot Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen.
Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen will start for the Ferries in the PSAS Championship game just 1 week after the Ferries dodged a bullet by starting Blue Moon enthusiast/NFL QB Johnny Manziel.

(ed. correction: Shocktop Mascot Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen is on the left...we think...so hard to tell)

Week 11 Stock Market & Previewz

What men like are: Cars, Women and Football

*UPDATED after BDT-Trichs trade*
Old reliables.  That's what Week 10 was full of.  Actually, it's the 2014 season.  Sure, new stars have emerged (Andrew Luck, Antonio Brown, Le'veon Bell).  But it's the old relialbes (Peyton, Romo, Foster, Lynch, Gore, Fitz, Jordy, Steve Smith, etc.) that are coming through and lifting teams, in real football and in fantasy, that it seems time has been in warp between 2008 and 2012 since the Old Future joined the league.  A "veteran" in Japanese (ベテラン=phonetically similarly pronounced as the English word) solely means "elder of profession" (since we technically don't have a military), so on this Veteran's Day we solute the old reliables.  Of course with keeper in play, the draft tended to focus on younglings, but we are reminded that when it counts, experience matters. 

The PSAS playoffs field is pretty set at top-5, with one remaining spot being contested by two that control their own destiny while others make noise in the surrounding areas.  The gate's not totally shut for anyone.  Moral Victory picture is also getting interesting, with Trichs, Polk and Pelican all within 8 pts, making scoring matter as much as getting that W in a brutal way. 

All top-tier teams are facing someone with lesser credentials this week.  Such is the time to prove your worth, as certainly no one up there should drop one to us commoners.  Of course, all their opponents are clinging on their hopes, no matter how small hope can be, and will be coming at them with full force.  If the underdogs succeed in toppling someone is beside the point.  I'm telling you, the odds will be there, and it may be the last chance for a big payday befor that final one waiver pick-up you need to go over the hump.  

The payout schedule for each 5 bankerbitez bet is as following.

                                      Blue Chip     Market Performer     Junk
Blue Chip (#1-4*)                  5                      3                          2
Market Performer (#5-8*)     10                     5                          3
Junk (#9-12*)                        15                     10                        5

*Based on weekly Power Rankingz.  In case of a tied rank, commissioner's ruling will be published here.

The Guide

-Ben vs Cam

(1) AEthernauts 8-2 (2 bb) vs (12) Polk High Panthers 2-8 (15 bb)

Which starting franchise QBs will bounce back?

Nauts are atop alone with three wins in a row, but they get resurgent full-squaded Bundys on DeMarco bye this week.  The other keeper-pillar Newton needs to pick up his game, but judging from MNF he's really not that comfortable this year.  I'd lose the towel, which even at the beginning of the game makes him look sulking, but Cam doesn't care about what I think.  Josh Gordon is still a week away from his debut, which means double TE set may return here.  Nauts are 1-1 in BigSky formation.  

Polk High finally gets their full squad to battle top-ranking Nauts with Charles, AJ Green and Megatron all finally in the lineup healthy.  Roethlisberger on MNF will be targeting Martavis in the endzone, so they better rack up points on Sunday.  Nauts are without RB1 Murray, so if all stars align like it's 2013, Bundys can steal a moral-boosting W here.

Upset looks good on paper, plus DeMarco-less Nauts not as potent.

-Luck vs Kaep?

(2) Phat Girlz 7-3 (3 bb) vs (8) Trichotillomaniacs 3-7 (10 bb)

Rivalry week rematch catch both teams off Week 10 losses.  Projection is even.  Odds aren't though they really should be.  Bring it, bitch.

Monique is starting to sweat a bit at armpits as her squad can't stop the skid.  Week 10 was a rough week of bye as their engine Luck-Hilton lifeline was out along with Garçon, and, while fill-in Alex and Torrey Smitties played admirably, Monique will hurry Luck and Co back into the lineup.  Forte was a rare disappointment in Chicago slump and backfield-mate Tate is losing touches in Cleveland so backfield has lost some firepower of late, which if it continues could be what finally slows down Luck and Co.  SNF Indy match against Brady and Pats D is not an easy one for Luck, but at least they play at home.  Cobb is the key here playing against Philly.  It's been a while since Girlz tasted victory, and one over rival Trichs will be even sweeter.

Trichs dreamed of Carson City in the desert and got Shock-topped big time in Week 10.  I don't even want to talk about it.  Can we move on?  I'll mention Kelvin Benjamin's incredible two-garbage-time-TD performance.  Up until then, he was garbage.  So, Week 11, it's back to Kaep, and Trichs just completed their first trade of the season with the Dwellers.  For WR2, RB2+ and an IDP standout they get Sanchez to connect to Maclin and Shady, WR1 in Dez and a RB2- Ivory.  General was seeming moving away from Kaep when Carson got injured, so Sanchez may get the start here in an expected shootout against GB.  If given a chance, Kaep is in a tasty match against NYG he may actually do something (probably not).  Maclin is cooling as Sanchez is favoring Matthews.  Jackson Brightspot Robinson (actually his first name is Denard and middle name Shoelace) is on bye so Mr. Glasslegs is back as McCoy's stall-mate.  Not ideal situations here against rival Girlz, but such is year 2014 in the Far East.  Half of the bodies' is in the river now but the Trichs squad still got that six cents in their pockets, no they are actually sewn on to their clothes through holes that are on Japanese coins.  Expect a battle.

Girlz hanging in the top-tier means another good odds for Trichs.  Demand may be waning however.

-Brees vs Carr?

(3) TakingTigerMountain 7-3 (3 bb) vs (7) HomeSpunNeckBloodz 5-5 (10 bb)

Crescent City Connection gets the must-win Cyclotron passing through.

TTM has been fairly dominant during their latest three-game winning streak, and while Week 10 win over Ferries came closer than they liked it was yet-again Brees-Graham that shined.  Ben-sanity ended in the hands of the Jets plus two lost fumbles brought Antonio down to earth, but we expect a MNF bounce-back this week.  The Pats offensive pieces returning from bye, Terrence West emerging in Cleveland and Ingram continuing to run for over 100 ydz plus no bye-absence in Week 11 means TTM will stand tall ready against the Spinning Force. 

Bloodz waited until Sunday to pick up a Foles-replacement and in the end went with the lesser Carr over the lesser Manning.  It sort of didn't really matter as they won their Week 10 match riding Arizona defense and Marshall's rebound performance.  Not sure Carr is the long-term solution, or even the short-term starter for the Spinnerz that, for the time being, needs to win and hope the Ferries stumble somewhere along.  Their own path isn't all that smooth-sailing with BDT up next, but Cyclotron is only focused on climbing over TigerMtn this week.

Upset alert at distance but full-squaded Tigers are hard to pick against.

-Brady vs Rodgers
(4) Dijonnaise All-Stars 7-3 (2 bb) vs (10) ThePelicanBrief 3-7 (15 bb)

Colonel and Pelican meet head-to-head as both are coming off wins.

No Foster was no problemo for Colonel as Steven Jackson was ala Foster 2011-esque and it was good.  New-comer Michael Evans continued to be the sole bright spot in Tampa and that's also good.  Rodgers was the 6-TD monster of the week and that's good.  Lamar Miller's injury is a concern but Foster got time to heal and is expected to play so it's good.  The Toyota-sponsored blowout could have been a larger one with Philly D on bench scoring 31 pts and it's all good.  All is good in Dijon as they face pesky Pelican before Phat Girlz showdown.  Of course we Asians know that's a very dangerous place to be.  Luckily, yellow means caution. 

B345tMode single-handedly stood in the way of Hairpullers trying to pluck Pelican feathers with a 4 TD monster of a game to give the Grishamites their first winning streak of the season.  Brady back from bye and playing against Indy in a SNF offensive showdown is an upgrade to Flatto, and Fitz is regaining his 2011 self also though the effect of no Carson in desert is to be monitored.  If the old timers can hang in there this Pelican team is a danger.

I-man smells some-ting hya. 

-RGIII vs Wilson

(5) BuildingDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng 7-3 (5 bb) vs (6) SanFranciscoFerries 5-5 (5 bb)

Boyz on bye means RGIII (or Sanchez) as Chico comes to Bay where Ferries are itching to bring someone up-there down.

Mark Sanchez got the important start over Return of Romo against Girlz but it really didn't matter as Dez and Nelson f345ted on TDs.  Golden Tate looked like he's still a reliable option despite Megatron's return in Detroit, and that's a good news for BDT as Dez rests this week.  QB position is sort of a headache to figure out with three viable options of Romo, Sanchez and RGIII but it's not a bad thing and more near-deadline trade is always a possibility for the Philosophers.  They already got one done with the Far East Rulaz, trading away favorite Dez along with Sanchez and Ivory for week 12 on RB upgrade of Shoelace Robinson and Week 11 immediate flex help Kelvin Benjamin plus IDP centerpiece Lavonte David.  The WR group is still championship ready with Jordy, Golden and Kelvin, and if Alfred and Montee can produce to their pre-season expectations here at crutch time, BDT has a legit shot at first-round bye with their scheduling easing up toward the end of regular season.  First thing first, sink the boat at bay.

Ferries are still alternating wins and losses but may need to find a winning streak to secure that last playoffs spot that's been dangling within their reach forever now.  Their match against TTM was played actually respectable but the difference was the bye-fill ins of Gronk and WR that low-balled them to the predictable even-week loss.  Boatmen will welcome Gronk back from bye and Beckham's emergence as a solid WR2, but Terrence Williams laying a goose-egg last week before going on bye this week means keeper Patterson needs to really step up.  The Ferries probably wish they could start four RBs against BDT to avoid getting their first streak in the wrong end, so a trade may be in the works, except the likeliest franchise to make a trade is their opponent this week.

 

Odd-number favor SFF but odds are even.  Sort of stinks for them but they don't really need dividends money anyways. 

-Peyton vs Cutler

(9) The Old Future 3-7 (5 bb) vs (11) Shock_Pix® 3-7 (5 bb)

Two season-on-blinks go head-to-head in a match fought for hope and pride. 

Future's rookie campaign is surely not what the Timewarp had in mind.  Behind Peyton they just don't have much since injuries depleted them.  While Gore continues to be the sole piece of 49er offense that isn't a disappointment and epitomizes old-reliability, that says something about the rest of the Future squad.  It's good to see them still active in the waivers and getting improvements.  They have a winnable match here, and it's one they have to win to keep on hanging on to that one strand of straw.

In a way, this one is more a crucial week for psychdogs.  TEs bye means they need to dip to waiver wires (means autopilot indicator).  Bortles on bye means Cutler needs to have a bounceback.  They have weapons to actually fill Harvin's off and Demaryus always give them an explosion-possibility. 

Difficult match, certainly don't want to bet against either of these teams right now.   

Derivatives

For Sale:

Shock Top: Shock and Pelican Win (40 oz)
Catz: Nauts, TTM, BDT and Shock Win (40 bb)

Freebies:
Babylon: Nauts, Girlz, TTM and Dijon Win (20 bb)
Upsetterz: Polk, Bloodz, Trichs and Pelican Win (100 bb) <----BAILOUT


Comment for orders.

Week 10 Recap

Apologies for delayed post.  I was riding my CitiBike down Bleecker St this morning when this truck came out of no where and almost killed me because I don't wear a helmet.  I took a picture of the truck in preparation for a litigation.  Here it is!

In stark contrast to the madness that was Week 9, Week 10 passed relatively calmly.  Phat Girlz went down to BDT for the third straight loss and probably will lose the Uptown Top Ranking, but the rest of the results were dictated mostly by standings (well except for Pelican beat down of Pullers).  Barring something crazy, five teams above .500 (Nauts, Girlz, TTM, Dijon, and BDT) will make the playoffs, with Nauts one leg up in the race for first-round bye.  The .500 club of Ferries and Bloodz will battle for the last playoffs spot, but the road is rough for both franchises.  SFF face BDT, Trix and Dijon for the final three regular season games, while Bloodz have TTM, BDT and Trix on the plate.  Because of the tough road ahead for both 5-5 teams, the quartet of 3-7 teams still have chances if they can win out the rest of the season.  And as crazy as it sounds 2-8 Bundys aren't mathematically eliminated just yet either (imagine a 5-8 team in the playoffs).  In the market, in part due to lack of upsets, in part due to the market's timidity following last week's near explosion and in part due to dwindling talent pool in waiver-market as the mega bye storm passes through town, not much happened and more was actually taken out.  A needed correction for the final leap, it seems.  The season is by no means close to being over, which means injuries will happen (ala Carson City) and waiver money demand sure will pick up (ala Brandon Jacobs).  Do we hear, Manziel, ehm, Tebow?

Shank-I-Punt

Punters are punters for a reason.  Actually.., I don't really have much to say here.  It was a punt kind of a week for me anyways.  So, here are the results. 

Future: Koenen 23 ydz

TTM: Wing 46 ydz

Trix: Lanning 32 ydz

 

Old Future will collect pool and matching funds (-3+9+9), a smooth +15.  Nice.

Over-Under

In their head-to-head matchup, it was Vick that was 2010, not Ben.  Sanchez on MNF was as effective as he can be (except for that one failed read-option keeper in which Mark went down like a girl), tossing two TDs and throwing for over 330 ydz.

Ben 12.97 / 19.71-proj (UNDER): Future, TTM and Trix bought OVER (and lost)

VIck 17.68 / 16.94-proj (OVER): Future, TTM and Trix bought UNDER (and lost)

Sanchez 19.68 / 16.36-proj (OVER): Trix bought OVER (and won)

Stock Market

In a week with not much activity in the stock market, lack of upsets hit investors hard with many of derivatives featuring underdogs.  The result is a major down-turn for those that were bullish.  Some franchises wisely stayed put, so the damage was rather contained, except where the bleeding didn't stop.

Jeopardy: Future and Trix both lost

Catz: TTM won but Trix lost

Hot-lanta: Future and Polk both lost

Chant-Down: BDT won, but SFF and Polk lost

Babylon O: Nauts, TTM and Dijon won but Girlz lost

Recap

Future: +1

Trix (-5)

TTM (+3)

Future (-5)

Hot (-5)

Ben (-2)

Vick (-2)

Punt (-3+18)

dividends (+2)

TTM: -5

Ben (-2)

Vick (-2)

Punt (-3)

dividends (+2)

Trix: -24

Trix (-5)

Polk (-5)

Catz (-5)

CJ (-5)

Hot (-5)

Ben (-2)

Vick (-2)

Sanchez (+4)

Punt (-3)

dividends (x2=+4)

BDT: -5

Hot (-5)

Polk: +2

dividends (+2)

Unlike Carson, stock market will be back next week

 

Public Funds Index:
+516-31=+485

PSAS CRAFT BEER REPORT #2: Blue Moon

What's up?  Welcome to the 2nd PSAS Craft Beer Report.   My total bro Luke recommended Blue Moon to me and I had to check it out.  

2 total bros and 1 total/complete stranger (and/or vagrant). 

I have been drinking a shit ton of Shock Top this week and life has been fucking great.  Picked up my first win this season and finally got that big promotion at work.  All thanks to Shock Top!   

BUT DAMN.  BLUE MOON IS FUCKING AWESOME TOO.  

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The packaging on this fucking bad boy sucks.  

It's plain as shit.  Whereas Shock Top isn't just a beer...it's an attitude...it's a lifestyle brand, bro.   The Blue Moon logo makes me want to take a nap on the A train and wake up 7 hours later in Far Rockaway without my wallet and my fucking sweet coral necklace I bought at a Jack Johnson concert.  Shit needs a makeover.

Before (snooze)

After (BOOYA)

TASTE: Blue Moon fucking rules!   I mean it tastes exactly like Shock Top but that's not a bad thing.  THAT'S A FUCKING GREAT THING!  I love Shock Top

FINAL RATING: Highest Rating!  A+.  Five Stars.  Guggenheim Fellowship, bro.

PSAS CRAFT BEER REPORT #1: SHOCK TOP *UPDATED*

Welcome to the first edition of the PSAS Craft Beer Report!  Over the next couple of months I'll review some of the top craft beers (brews) in the country.  First up is SHOCK TOP!!!!!!!

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: The packaging on this bad boy is fucking sweet!  The orange slice on the packaging has a fucking mohawk AND sunglasses.  This orange slice means fucking business and would probably cut you if you tried to eat him at halftime during your daughter's soccer match.  

TASTE: Shock Top fucking rules!  I don't know what 'Belgian White' means and I don't give a shit because this beer tastes like liquid gold.  (BTW, some shitty brewery in Brooklyn makes a beer called Liquid Gold but that beer is shit compared to Shock Top.)  I WANT TO TAKE MY MONTHLY SHOWER IN THIS FUCKING BEER.

FINAL RATING: Highest rating!  A+.  Four Stars.  Gold star.  Kennedy Center honors, bro! 

UPDATE (10/19) 

HOLY SHIT, BROS.  THERE"S A PUMPKIN SHOCKTOP!!!!  LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BAD ASS PUMPKIN.  

Week 3 Power Rankings

When I was little, my father was famous...

A bloody week in the fantasy world as we get our first top, middle and bottom separation. 5 above .500, 7 below. 3 undefeated and two winless.  Bye weeks are open war on the wire and everybody needs something. Some teams have dead spots just waiting for improvement and some are carrying hobbled veterans on future hopes.   Who wins the bye weeks wins the season, we always say. 

1.  (2)  Phat Girlz - (3-0) Bulking up for the bye weeks the Girlz stuck a third straight win to the wall in week 3 against ailing Polk High.  Luck at QB1 is a big part of it, right now he's #1 with a bullet at 80 pts on the season (33 this week).  Not every week is a highlight reel like J-ville's secondary, but he's more than capable at the helm. Hilton and Rudolph injuries could be minor downgrades but the Girlz are plus at multiple skill positions. 

2. (1) TakingTigerMountain  (3-0) - The Mountaineers climbed all the way back into a near week 3 upset courtesy of huge games from Antonio Brown and the Chicago D. Without AP they're decidedly lacking in ground game. CJ?k and a pair of third down passing backs aren't going to cut it.  Holding onto Ingram and AP through the bye weeks will be tough.  

3. (3) Aethernauts - (3-0) The Nauts stayed undefeated but suspended in place on Cam's hobbling around the field. There's a lot to go on here, but they need Cam to be at least QB2 level to reach the upper aether. His upside is too high to bench unless definitively injured

4. (4)  SanFranciscoFerries (2-1)- The Ferries coasted on low triple digits and lucked out not to get scooped up by the Pelicans.  Stafford and Lacy both foundered in a drill-holes-in-your-skull boring game in Detroit.  Wilson outplayed Stafford on the bench for the second straight week, stoking the 2nd year of QB controversy. 

5.  (5) BuildingDwellingThinking  (2-1)- BDT won the battle of the Cowboys game with a Romo-Bryant hook-up helped America's Team to victory, but they lost in week 3 war as no other player found the endzone.   As long as Dallas is run-heavy BDT's double titration is going to be sporadic.  They'll try and cobble together injury-starters like Robinson and Brown and think their way out of this one. 

6.  (7) Old Future (1-2)  - the Futurists put up a good show, eclipsing triple digits as Peyton added another data point on his crazy statistical outlier comeback QB status.  Knile did a pretty good Charles impression and should be a worthy handcuff if he misses any more time.  It's going to be a trick picking between F-Jax and Spiller week-to-week - they might save themselves the trouble and trade one for some WR depth. Going sans-DB this week was a ballsy move, designed to keep the maximum RBs (currently 7 in house) - it'll be interesting to see their roster come the bye weeks.

7. (6)  Trichs  (0-3) - The Shogun had a trademarked Monday Night hair-pulling session when they had reason to fear that Cutler might carve up their playoff hopes.  Maclin and the Keepernick kept them in this one after a woeful ground game where Shady got his bell rung, then came back but might as well have stayed away (averaging just over a 1 YPC) and Rainey played fumble football in the Bucs sideshow.  The Muscle Hamster could be back to prop up the regime in week 4. 

8. (9)  Polk High Panthers (1-2) - Polk got dropped by the bigger, badder Girlz this week, but without Charles that was near to a foregone conclusion. If Tannehill gets RL benched, then that should solve the Bundies QB battle for itself.  AJ gets an early by week to rest his toe, hopefully Jamaal hasn't punched anybody on video and the Pathers should be ready to revive their former glory in the by weeks.  

9. (8)  Pelican Brief (0-3)-  The Legal Thrillers were again the victims again in week 3, clipped by the Ferries to fall into the dreaded 0-3 hole approaching byes.  JGPG has yet to break 100 and despite lower scores across the board this season, they're headed to the bottom of the docket.  Lynch and Julio were b345tly yet again, but now Woodhead is gone for the season the Dirty Birds will have to go to the wire for fresh legs. Unless Brady can get his downfield game going, the Grishamites will be mid-range opportunists.

10. (11)  Homespun Neckbloodz (1-2) - The Cylcotron took some self-respect out of a split with Col , Mustard following a painful week 2 upset. Foles had his best game on a hot cycle, Nio-Gio turned in his third straight double digit, nagging injury news for V-Jax might at least cure the Bloodz of inflated expectations.   Bye weeks come just in time, there's room on the roster for the Bloodz to steal some quality depth.

11. (10)  Dijonaise All Stars (1-2)   - Nothing gets the rankings goat more than playing high profile inactive players - Roddy and Arian fit the bill.   The Mustard Men may not have had the guns on their bench to get a sweep from the Bloods, but as it stands they punted on second down. 

12. (12) Shock_Pix  (1-2) - Shock the world! The Shockers picked up their first win since week 5 2012. The Feely-kicker protest is still in place, but the Primordial ones quietly bumped Hill into a starting role where he found the endzone, the difference in this game. If the legacy Commish is truly off auto-pilot all bets are off, but the ratings will take it with a grain of salt for now.