GrossmanSachs PR spokeswoman Katie Couric, took time off from killing bugs with a magnifying glass to address last night's disastrous start to the Aaron Rodgers era in B@nkerville:
"He sucked, okay? You know it, we now it, and now he nows it, because he's wearing a dunce cap, kneeling in Prescott Bush's dungeon having literally unspeakable things done to his mind and body. Mentally, he's just not in it. We aren't sure he's given up his dream of acting, and after a summer stuntcocking for Jake Gyllenhal, he thinks he can make it to the next level: James Cameron's fluffer. With Avatar 2-7 shooting pretty much continuously for the next 5 years, there's a million opportunities to pursue his dream. We are trying to impart on him that there will be time for all that after retirement, but he just keeps training with his shakeweight and taking scuba diving courses."
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| GrossmanSachs did not take a 10 point performance by their new franchise QB lightly. |
Couric also added that Rodgers can't seem to adjust to his new life in the big city:
"We know he's been living in San Francisco for a while, and any move can be hard, but c'mon! He's a walking Dockers commercial, it's pathetic. He rides his goddamn bike everywhere, and asks everyone where the good hills are. He wears Khakis in practice! I dunno, we've changed all the weightroom music to the Grateful Dead, and Ray Lewis doesn't seem to want to kill people anymore. It's really hurting us. Rodgers just keeps crying about some piece of ass back in Frisco, saying he can't live without her, and it's not cool. I didn't get into this business to babysit little girls, I got into this business to molest them. Just suck it up, dude, there's banking to be done."
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| "Seriously, just drown with me real quick." |
LOLZ
ReplyDeletecan we start tagging some pictures with "stuntcocking" to build traffic?
Deletethat's a great question... I don't want to mislead any diehard #stuntcoking aficionados tho
ReplyDelete