Sea Bass Monster

Sebastian Janikowski furiously spit out his Monte Cristo sandwich this weekend when he saw David Akers became the latest kicker to join the 63-yard club. He stood up in the Bennigan's, not at all concerned that his camo-cargo shorts were unbuttoned, and shouted "Czy ktoś ma jakiś kokainę?"

The proper titration will be necessary for Janikowski to take what is rightfully his.

Janikowski has spent the last 12 hours practicing 78-yard field goals. "It's not the distance that's the problem," Janikowski noted. "It's correcting for the curvature of the Earth."

Janikowski's groin has never looked better, and any residual issues from his injury in the preseason game against the Lions are hard to see. "It was stupid, what I did. If you don't have the proper form, you can get hurt." Janikowski is referring to the fluke nature of his injury, which came about while he was urinating on a Lions fan.

Janikowski was blessed with the births of his twin daughters on Tuesday. Thankfully he took GrossmanSachs Senior Management's advice about the strength of certain names. He says he will make two field goals longer than fifty yards against the Chargers tonight, one for Madea and one for Lamasthu.