Tightening the Belt

As I'm sure you know, the world's adult population is currently 16.5 million tons overweight. This should sadden all of us, but strangely, some Americans think football is more important than a #globalfightagainstobesity. Aaron Rodgers is not one of those people. That's why tonight, he has vowed to score at least 16.5 PSAS-certified fantasy points, hopefully bringing a few smiles and a few tighter belt buckles to America along with way. 

For his entire career, every time Aaron Rodgers scores a touchdown he's tried telling America to slim down. Despite his efforts, the country and much of the world is still tragically overweight.

"The world's weight problem has always been important to Aaron," notes Executive Chef for The Phat Girlz, Oprah Winfrey. "Every time I have fat removed from my ass to sell to the Kardashian's plastic surgeon, I tweet Aaron about it. He doesn't usually respond, because his status almost always says, "Underwater Shaketraining," but this past week he did write back "Suprdupr! K33P it UP! Wish u wrnt holding d0nut in pic tho!"

To celebrate Aaron's 16.5 points for 16.5 million tonz campaign, Aaron brought a series of props to the launch party held on Jay Cutler's blimp. 

This Sikhote-Alin Metorite weighs 16.5 grams. If it weighed as much as the world's obesity, it would be almost the size of Rex Grossman's left tesitcle (which was removed at birth, never stopped growing, and is currently kept under the watchful eye of GloboChem in Antarctica.)

Even the Europeans are getting in on the fun, as Mariano Rajoy, Spanish Prime Minister, vowed to slash 16.5 billion euros from their budget, in an ill-fated attempt to outbid The Pelican Brief for Danny Amendola.

When Aaron scores at least 16.5 points tonight, he recommends capturing it on this Tokina At-X  16.5-135mm Wide Range Lens. Keep that zoomed all the way out to see Dez Bryant crying when Rodgers scores!

VPI's HW-16.5 Record Cleaner is now the official record cleaner of the PSAS! It will be used to erase any losses the commisionerz office may accrue over the next 12 weeks. 

And finally, this size 16.5 mule saddle is perfectly designed for 5' to 5'5" 180 to 200 lb "Pear-Shaped Women".   Aaron Rodgers said "I stole it from Romo's mom and I'm gonna ride her outta town on it myself tonight."