Stock Market Week 1

*Updated

As previously announced, Stock Market will open for business in Week 1.  We are giving you the long weekend to research, contemplate and decide on your investment options. Purchase of stock comes with many incentives this week thanks to a generosity of an investor, plus 2 bb per kickback to the economy.

The payout schedule for 5 bankerbitez is as following.

                         Blue Chip     Market Performer     Junk
Blue Chip                  5                      3                          2
Market Performer     10                     5                          3
Junk                         15                     10                        5

This week's match ups are:

(1) Trichotillomanics (5 bb) vs (2) SanFranciscoFerries (5 bb)

What better way to open the new season than a matchup between preseason number one versus number two.  Yahoo prediction gives a slight edge to the Ferries running on record nine game regular season winning streak, but it's a fairly even match.  Kaepernick vs Wilson, if the General decides to start Kaep over RGIII, will be the featured QB match-up.

(3) PhatGirlz (2 bb) vs (11) Dijonnaise All-Stars (15 bb)

Ong Bowl 2014 in the opening weekend will feature Mustards' A-Rodg throwing to Monique's Cobb in a counter-titration match.  RB matchup Foster vs Tate is also an interesting former handcuff battle.  

(4) TakingTigerMountain (2 bb) vs (12) Shock_Pick (15 bb)

New beginning for the primordial ones, looking to restore pride and snap record-setting losing streaks.  Beating TigerMountain poised for return to apex is a tall order, but a good IDP overhaul will give the Shockers a solid chance for a big payout.  

(5) PelicanBrief (3 bb) vs (9) Polk High Panthers (10 bb)

A matchup between super ground attack of Pelican vs dangerous air raid of Polk High is, despite the odds, a 50-50 game.  QB play (Brady vs R-Burger) will most likely decide the outcome.  

(6) Homoerasmus James (3 bb) vs (10) AEthernauts (10 bb)

The New Kids in town are ranked rather high, but their roster gives them validity.  For the Big Sky, Cam's status for the opening week, while fairly certain to play, is a concern.  Still, this is not where Uranus of PSAS belongs in the rankings, and Nauts against rookie may be an incredible value for those looking for an -upset- and a decent payout. 

(7) BuldinvDW3LL1NGThinking (5 bb) vs (8) HomeSpun NeckBloods (5 bb)

Two storied franchises are looking for bounce back seasons.  Rematch of 2012 championship game will see both teams battle it out, with all three phases of the offense evenly matched.

This week's derivatives (Multifacta) for sale are:

-Welcome (back) to PSAS = Shock WIN over Tiger AND H James WIN over Nauts  (50 bb for 5 bb)

-Hotlanta = Polk High WIN over Pelican AND H James WIN over Nauts (20 bb for 5 bb)
-Celebrity Jeopardy Continent = Trix WIN over SFF AND H James WIN over Nauts (20 bb for 5 bb)

When you buy two or more tickets  For this week, with a purchase of any stock or multifacta, two derivatives "Bless di Wildcat" and "Cool-anta" are on the house.  These freebies are not for sale individually.

-Bless di Wildcat = Trix WIN over SFF AND BDT WIN over Bloodz AND Girlz WIN over Dijon AND Nauts WIN over H James (50bb for FREE)

-Cool-anta = Nauts WIN over H James AND Pelican WIN over Polk High (10bb for FREE)

To encourage participation, we are making it easy with all tickets-for-sale being a combination of just two games.  We are riding on the expansion team H James heavily in our speculation as sort of a welcome fanfare.  Last year, then-expansion Dijon made Colonel proud with a win to start their inaugural season.  We bet H James will duplicate the success.  As for Shockers, new name equals fresh start.  It's like Cleveland Browns and Baltimore Ravens.  We bet Shock will play like SuperBowl winning Ravens. And Sean Connelly.  What's your answer, in a form of a question?  "A-sia"

Savvy investors will notice that the free tickets are actually hedge on your purchase.  The freebies will give you a chance to receive your money back or even get paid (big) regardless of the outcome of PSAS debut for H James.  As an introductory period special, most payout rates are currently double the market value.  So take advantage, and also get the bonus freebies by buying multiple derivatives.

As always, you don't win if you don't play.  And remember, play not to lose.

Comment below or e-mail me to place your order.

Preseason Power Rankings 2014

And now his watch is ended...

A virile Commish takes power

After a bit of preseason bloodletting worthy of Game of Thrones three franchises (two legacy) are gone, a commish toppled, and a shell-shocked league wondering what to expect next.  Well, if you've read the books you know, a bit of orientalist fantasy, a lot of talky intrigue and not nearly as many boobs as the early seasons.  Rankings don't mean much until the cleats hit meaningful turf, but that never stopped us before.


1.  Trichs  -  The new Shogun rides into town on the heels of last year's victory. Shady McCoy and the Muscle Hamster will muster a top tier run attack. And the General will hope that cheap keeper Julius Thomas can cover for dual WR2s in an aerial attack.  Keeper-nick and RGIII round out at QB with a dual running QB strategy.  It's a balanced attack with some big names on defense, it's a new day for the Rising Sun.

2  SanFranciscoFerries - The Bay Area Boatmen are ready for another run at the title after a Cinderella streak ended ingloriously in December last year.  They return RB1 Lacy and talented deep threat Patterson. Question marks abound with Gronk and Welker injury concerns and Bell's off field concerns. But expect big numbers out of a QB competition between Wilson and Stafford.  There's plenty of reason to be sanguine about the Ferries as playoff repeaters.

3.)  Phat Girlz - The Girlz returned a WR-RB on the cheap with Garcon and Tate (finally traded out from behind Arian).  That allowed them to pick up some brand name help in the form of RB1 Forte,  a pair of legit wideouts in Hilton and Cobb, and a solid QB2 in Luck. They're thin in the way of depth, but if Luck or Tate takes a big step forward they'll be heavy-hitters again.

4.) TakingTigerMountain  - The Mountain kept the unlikely TE-WR combo, although an appeals court had to make it official that Graham is a TE.  After narrowly missing the playoffs last year, TTM put the band back together returning QB1 Brees and a host of flex candidates in Vereen and Sproles. The elephant in the room is the huge bid for AP, if he's healthy 16 games then he might be worth it.  If not then the Mountain will be over-reliant on air power yet again this year.

5.)  Pelican Brief -  The Legal Eagles kept a QB-DEF combo in Brady and Seattle's defense. A bounce back for the Brady is the foundation of their season, but the engine is the two presumed top backs of the ground game Lynch M0b and Charles.   Always a wheeler-dealer we fully expect the Brief to hit the back channels before the season gets too old and trade up to improve their air attack.

6.) Homoerasmus James - August surprise with a bullet, the former Commish and  top seed in last year's playoffs dropped out only weeks before the draft. His franchise assumed by a mysterious new-comer is still a force to be reckoned with.  With Peyton as a keeper, there's obligatory talk of age and injury risk.  If he's a repeat of last year then the New Kids start the year with one foot in the playoff circle.   They'll hope that the Bills will finally figure out how to use Spiller, and that Frank the Tank isn't running on empty. 

7.) BuildingDwellingThinking   - The Black Forest returns the dynamic Cowboys duo of Romo and Bryant, hope, like everybody in the Metroplex, that they can't fuck things up indefinitely. With Morris and Monte Ball there's hope for a solid ground game. But depth is lacking with Gerhart at flex an aging Reggie Wayne as WR3.   Still the German Philosopher's are known titrators, so they'll expect them to test the trade/wire waters soon enough to find the right strength.

8.)  Homespun Neckbloodz - the Spinners return a RB-WR in Joique and V-Jax. With bell cows Ellington and Nio-Gio in the backfield, they'll hope to draw consistent power on the ground this year. A lot depends on mercurial QB2 Nick Foles in a wide-open Philly offense. Toss in another top flight year for Brandon Marshall and the Cyclotron might have a dope mixture this time around.
  
9.)  Polk High Panthers   -  Al Bundy's crew kept the biggest dollar number in the league with Megatron and AJ. They also arguably kept the top two receivers in the league.  To get out of the gate they'll need those thoroughbreds to be tops again. Because there's precious little else here. Thomas and Blount as borderline RB2 and R-Burger as QB4 both need upgrades. The Panthers are an obvious trade partner with two spare WR1 in Julio on a injury rebound year and the ageless Fitzgerald.

10.) Aethernauts   - The Nauts returned the QB-RB combo of Newton and Murray, hoping that both can achieve that next step in 2014.  True to their name they drafted Big Air picking up Cruz, Jordy and Emmanuel Sanders, big time deep threats all.  As a result the Rolling Beer Barrel Stacy and newly minted Jet Ivory will fight for RB2 rights.

11.)  Dijonaise All Stars   - Col Mustard and Crew missed the draft and predictably suffered the pains of auto-pick while crossing the international dateline. A-Rodg is still a top flight QB as a keeper, but they'll rely on the computer picks to do the rest of their lifting.  Looking to reclaim faded glory are WR2s White and Wallace.  A bounce back year for Arian would make the Mustard men's roster a little more palatable.

12.) Shock_Pix - Where can you start the year after an 0-fer in the previous year? No lower certainly.   The Pixies return Demarius as top flight receiver.  They'll hope to get similar air space from breakout Allen and a fully rehabbed Harvin.  They'll wait for Ray Rice to sit out his wife-beating suspension, and hope they can get some young numbers out of potential futures picks like Hill and Mason.  Every year we predict that the primordial Commish will return to former glory, is this they year they shock the world?

PSAS 2014 Fiscal Policy Update: Stock Market Reform

After an extended analysis of the market performance and its effect on the PSAS economy from last year, the Security and Exchange Commission of PSAS has decided to restructure the stock market system.  Commissioner Far East wanted a slightly reduced role for the speculative games on the outcome of PSAS 2014 fantasy football season, and ordered the financial technocrats to come up with a new structure for market speculation. 

Instead of a four-tiered previous ratings system, the new ratings will be three-tiered.  Top tier will be called "Blue Chip", second-tier "Market Performer" and the bottom tier "Junk".  There will be four teams in each category.  Each bet will cost 5bb, 2bb of which will be paid to the purchased stock's franchise as dividends, just like last year.

The payout schedule for 5 bankerbitez is as following.

                         Blue Chip     Market Performer     Junk
Blue Chip                  5                      3                         2
Market Performer    10                      5                         3
Junk                         15                     10                        5


Essentially, we are eliminating the 20bb payouts.  Far East financial technocrats decided that last year's historical amount of liquidity put into the player transaction market especially through stock market games resulted in hard-to-overcome advantages for some franchises.  For example, in week 9 of 2013, a record 346 bankerbitez were flushed down to market, with one franchise receiving 101 total bitez.  Such over saturation of the market resulted in a overly inflated and lopsided waiver bids, some critics argued back then.  The above franchise that received more than original cap space (100) proceeded to win the championship, so the economical impact was immense.  The monetary policy thinkers are aiming for a more reserved role for the casino and market speculation industries toward the outcome of the fantasy football league.

The aim is "play not to lose," not "play to win" as one policy maker put it.  "The difference is subtle but important," the same policy maker stated.

The technocrats probably also decided that it was easier to loosen fiscal policies mid-season than tighten them without impacting the player market significantly, so they are starting out with a policy that is slightly more controlled than last year's happy-go-lucky-party economic climate.





The SEC is not opposed to the idea of bringing back 4-tier/20bb market structure.  We are simply starting out with this 3-tier system, and depending on the market temperature may re-institute the original system at any time during the season. 

While investing in junk bonds may no longer yield as much fortune to PSAS franchises, the SEC is coming up with a new way to lubricate the economy.

An introduction of sale of a new combination derivatives called Multifacta, in which pre-selected multi-winner/loser tickets will have high payouts, up to x20 (100bb) for 5 bitez bet.

It will work like this.  I may sell a ticket named "Ten Eyck Walk" which will pay 50 bitez (plus 5 bitez returned) if Bloodz, Tiger, Shock and BDT all win over their opponents.   Or "Fire Pon di Wildcat" that will pay 100bb if Girlz, Trix, Tiger, Nauts, Shock, and BDT all lose.  Those are examples.  Different combinations (starting with combo of two and up to six) with varying payouts will be sold each week, and each ticket will cost 5bb.  There's no dividend paid out for these bets. 

Also, unlike last year, Stock Market will commence in Week 1 along with Casino Gulag.  The ratings and market will not settle until Week 4 or so, which is when Stock Market opened last season.  Money is made when the market is volatile.  So shine your nickel, and surrender to the g0dz!

PSAS 2014 Schedule Reset

As promised, the Commissioner's Office released a video footage capturing the one-and-done reshuffling of PSAS 2014 schedule. 

In Kazakhstan just past 8:30PM local time, people on the steppe noticed and filmed an explosion in the sky that shook their tranquil Thursday evening.

New Commish Shogun or Kim Jong-Un?

New PSAS commissioner's announcement of a scheduled bomb-launching in the evening of Aug. 28, 2014 has been met with mixed reviews in the Far East.  Critics in the Orient are projecting another regional leader's image onto the new commissioner, who proclaimed himself to be the "Shogun" of PSAS.  These critics see General Far East as an inexperienced brat who was simply handed the power, much like North Korea's Dear Leader Kim Jong-Un. 

Stay tuned for more updates about this newest transfer of power in PSAS. 

Breaking News: First Shogunate in PSAS to be established with General Far East as the next Commissioner

The rod of lighting is coming to the Far East. 

General Far East of the Trichotillomaniacs have agreed in principle with the PSAS to take over as the next commissioner, according to several sources within the league office.  Following GrossmanSachs' surprising exit from PSAS, TakingTigerMountain franchise filled in admirably to successfully manage the PSAS 2014 draft, which recorded the highest TV ratings in history according to Nielsen.  As have long been speculated, the next PSAS power center will move all the way to the Far East.  General Far East and the league are still finalizing the deal, but sources indicate that the hair-pulling General will install Shogunate form of governing to PSAS.  Details of this have yet to emerge.

Breaking news from Polk High... Michael Sam receives call from Coach Bundy during the 2014 PSAS draft

Draft Rapid Reaction

Sun Tzu’s recap and thoughts from PSAS Draft 2014

- Defending champ Trichs struck early, taking McCoy with first pick for $58.

- Jamaal Charles was nominated next and went to ThePelicanBrief for $65.  In PSAS, Charles>McCoy.

- But the highest paid RB, and effectively of all players, was Adrian Peterson for a whopping $68 with the third pick to TigerMtn.

- Al Bundy stock up on receivers big time.  Even after spending over half of their draft budget on Megatron and AJ Green through keepers, PolkHigh went after Fitzgerald ($28) with the fourth pick overall and also spent $40 on Julio Jones later on.  One of these four will have to sit each week if they all stay on the roster.  That’s an expensive bench-warmer.

- Speaking of running backs, there are some powerful duos out there.  Charles-Lynch for the Pelican and McCoy-Martin for Trichs lead the pack, but Murray-Stacy for ‘Nauts, Bell-Lacy for Ferries, Ball-Morris for BDT and Gio-Ellington for Bloodz are all also young and exciting pairings.  Forte-Tate reprezent the Mid West for Monique.

- Michael Sam makes history, sort of.  He becomes the first "openly" gay player drafted in the PSAS, although we all know who that really was.

- Manziel went to BDT as an heir apparent to Tony Romo.  Chico Boyz also drafted Johnny's top-receiver-to-be-in-2015 Josh Gordon, for $1.

   

- Notable keepers through draft for each team include:

TigerMtn: Brees, Vereen, Ingram, Ogletree (LB), Aldon Smith.

Pelican: Suisham (K)

PolkHP: R-Burger, Patrick Peterson (DB)

‘Nauts: Martellus Bennet, Gould (K)

Girlz: Denver D

Trichs: Kaepernick, JJ Watt

SFF: Russel Wilson, Reggie Bush, Torrey Smith, Cincy D

BDT: Chicago D

Shock:

Bloodz:

Dijon:

Keeper Grades and Analysis

 

*Final edition
The picks are in.  We have first ever keeper picks from 12 franchises.  The League office did some scrambling but the renamed Shock_Pick's submission went through.  Following the keeper deadline, both Jamaal Charles and LeSean McCoy are available for auction.  Now let the grabbing war begin.

Below is Sun Tzu’s first analysis of the 2014 season.  The War Thinker analyzes and grades each keeper choice. 

1)Trichotillomaniacs ($39 2 spent)

The most obvious choice of all the league keepers may have been Julius Thomas for $1, a significant value for a top 3 fantasy TE.  The General elected to keep trade-acquired Brandon Marshall, arguably a top 5 WR, and his lofty $38 contract for the second keeper spot.    The second keeper is for IDP rising star Lavonte David ($1), with the General going for value over quality.  David scored 109.35pts (avg. 9.11pts/week) last year for the HairPullers, but will an IDP justify occupying a valuable dynasty roster position is the question he’ll answer this year.  At least it’ll only cost the Far East side a penny, even if this doesn’t pan out.  The team to beat for the upcoming season is Keeper-nick no more, (well for now).

--- A-

  

2) SanFranciscoFerries ($24)

The regular season champ from 2013 didn’t exercise their keeper rights, although there were some value on the roster, namely Eddie Lacy for $23. The Ferries got their pick in at the last minute, and the teasing was probably more strategic than anything.  At the end, it was rather a simple choice, Lacy for $23 and Cordarrelle Patterson for $1.  It shows the foresight of the TechCity Boatmen front office to be able to retain two then-rookies from last years draft.  That's really what dynasty leagues are about.   
--- A

3) PolkHighPanthers ($102)

Al Bundy’s team elected to keep the best WR tandem in PSAS intact for another year, with Megatron and AJ costing more than half of the draft budget at $58 and $44 respectively.  Megatron is an undisputed Numero Uno receiver, but AJ needs a bounce back year to justify the cost.  Overpaying local hero Matt Ryan last year ($35) and T-Gonz’s retirement limited their hands.

--- B

4) PhatGirlz ($14)

Monique is keeping Garcon ($11) and Ben Tate ($3) around.  Both are good values for arguably top 10 players in their respective positions.  Garcon has D-Jax to share the ball thrown by RGIII/Cousins, which is a possible downside.  Tate’s Browns have neither QB nor WR, plus he’s promoted to everyweek starter from the most talented handcuff status, so a huge upside there.  Good foresight by Monique to target a back-up FA-to-be RB last year.

--- A

5) TakingTigerMountain ($46-16=$30)

The consolation winner barely missed the main playoffs in 2013, but the bittersweet end to last season pays dividends with the Interim being awarded both Moral Victory and Consolation prizes, allowing them to keep #1WR-esque contract of JimmyG ($41) essentially for $25.  That’s value for the best fantasy TE.  Antonio Brown ($5), the other keeper choice, was a steal last year and still is this year. 

--- A

6) AEthernauts ($78-4=$74)

Last year’s disappointing team chooses to bet on the core of their unit from 2013 with Cam and DeMarco being kept.  They come with a price tag, each for $39.  It was partially these two’s lack of consistent offensive showing and injury concerns that was undoing for the Space Travelers last year, but the Nauts are banking on a more consistent performance by these two, just like that of LynchMob, whose $66 contract the team couldn’t swallow. 

---B

7) ThePelicanBrief ($37-2=$35)

The Grishamites are keeping Brady ($29) and Seattle DEF ($8).   Legion of Boom was probably an easy choice and the only team defense worth keeping in the entire league, but they don’t come cheap for the position.  While certainly not over-spending, Brady’s disappointing 2013 performance wouldn’t deserve nearly 15% of the total budget plus he’s in the twilight of his career.  This was more a sentimental choice for the Brief and Brady, whose contract will likely be void after this season unless he has a Flutie-esque resurgence.  Welker was left to concuss, for the time being. 

---C+

8) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng ($52)

Boys in Chico are hoping for a bounce back year, but they didn’t exercise the keeper rights.  Will Romo-Dez titration make a return through the draft?  It has emerged that El Chico did inform of his intention to retain Romo-Dez double titration to the Interim Commissioner well before the deadline, but the paperwork slipped through cracks of real life.  Well this is fantasy football so things that disappear can reappear, which it has (hush Monique).  Romo's $5 retainer fee is a value for a top 10 QB thanks to the early-season trade with ThePelicanBrief for R-burger.  The Boyz paid premium for Dez's service last year ($47) and will carry that over this year.
---B-

9) Dijonnaise All-Stars ($47)

Colonel Mustard will ride on the shoulders of Aaron Rodgers in 2014.  Colonel’s is the only franchise exercising just one keeper choice.  It’s probably not wrong to choose a top 3 QB to retain as a foundation to the sophomore club, though it comes with a $47 tab.  More of a concern is Colonel’s draft status for this Thursday, as he’s scheduled to be in the Land of Disappearance.

---B-

10) HomeSpunNeckBloodz ($31)

Thirsty for blood, the Spinnerz elected to keep Vincent Jackson ($30) and Joique Bell ($1).  Hometown favorite V-Jax comes with a price tag, but in the inflated WR market it’s a decent value for a sure-handed top 10 receiver, especially if McCown experiment pans out in Tampa.  Joique Bell is a great value here, although at this point he’s a Flex player rather than a weekly starter with Reggie Bush ahead of him in Detroit depth chart.  Still, you really can’t go wrong with a buck. 

--- B+

11) Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz Schock_Pick ($40)

You-know-who didn’t report keepers to commish, though there was some value on the final roster.  Christine Michael is a popular handcuff to LynchMob, and Last minute submission came from the Primordial Onez, and we have full house.  Demarius Thomas’s $40 tab was a value compared to that paid by PolkHigh to Megatron and AJ.  Nevertheless, New franchise name nonetheless, if the GM of this club can maintain his presence for the course of the season, that’s all the rest of the league asks for from him at this point.  
---B

12) Homoerasmus James ($37)
Sun Tzu is a bit perplexed as to how an expansion team gets to "keep" any players, English is a strange language.  But what's done is done, and Peyton Manning ($34) and Alshon Jeffery ($3) will be the starting pieces of this otherwise little-known franchise.  And what value!  Arguably the top QB and a top 10 WR is off the board.  Now the league will gradually find out what the rookie is made out of.  Next stop, draft.
--- A-

Running Keepers Tally

Pelican Brief

Tom Brady  (-29)

Seattle Defense (-8)
4th 3rd Place Consolation Tourney +2

Projected Auction Cash total = $165

Polk High Panthers

Calvin Johnson (-58)
AJ Green (-44)
Projected Auction Cash total = $98

AEthernauts

Cam Newton (-39)
Demarco Murray (-39)
3rd 2nd Place Conoslation Tourney +4
Projected Auction Cash total = $126


Dijonaise All-Stars

Aarron Rodgers (-47)
Projected Auction Cash total = $153

Trichs

Julius Thomas (-1)
Lavonte David (-1)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $198

TakingTigerMountain

Jimmy Graham (-41)
Antonio Brown (-5)
Moral Victory - (+10)
1st place Consolation Tourney (+6)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $170

Phat Girlz

Pierre Garcon (-11)
Ben Tate (-3)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $186

Homespun Neckbloodz

Vincent Jackson (-30)
Joique Bell (-1)
Projected Auction Cash total = $169

Homoerasmus James

Peyton Maning (-34)
Alshon (-3)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $163

San Francisco Ferries

Eddie Lacy (-23)
Cordarelle Patterson (-1)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $176


BDT

Dez Bryant (-47)
Tony Romo (-5)
Projected Auction Cash Total = $148

Primodrial Lifestyles
Demaryius Thomas (-40)
Projected Auction Cash = $160

Who Will Be The Next Commissioner?

Calendar Cleared

It took a lot of work and cost me a lot of money but I've officially cleared my August calendar for any/all possible draft dates.