In a move years in the making, the Commissioner's office sent this fax out to all league owners:
ATTN: SL@VZ
RE: MORAL VICTORY
The world is full of losers; they're the worst part about the existence of winners. Some losers, though, well, they just lose better than others. Sometimes it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you lose, and if you lose well enough to almost win. Picture the world as the final episode of Lost. We didn't watch it, of course, because it wasn't in 3D, but had we watched it, we would have realized that in the end, everybody lost on Lost, especially the losers who watched it, they lost the most on Lost. There should be some way to recognize such amazing losing, some way to say, "Hey, buddy. We know you lost, but you lost so well you should win an award for losing." That award is Moral Victory.
In an effort to encourage full league participation as the season reaches it's second half, WHICHEVER TEAM SCORES THE MOST POINTS FROM WEEK 7-13 BUT DOES NOT MAKE THE PLAYOFFS GETS TEN EXTRA DOLLARS IN NEXT SEASON'S AUCTION DRAFT. This is a five percent bonus for eating the shit outta some chocolate, but just not having one of the six golden tickets to show for it. The best part is, everyone's eligible. Even bitter, negligent franchises, who are playing less than Tebow these days. All you need to do to play is play, and then lose, but ultimately win.
There will also be a minuscule, but relevant, reward for the consolation tournament. Winner of the consolation tourney gets 6 extra auction draft bux, second gets 4 extra, third gets 2 extra. These numbers can add onto the winner of Moral Victory.
Questions/Comments? There's a goddamn comments section for that, but we reserve the right not to read it.
The Pelican Brief will refuse any sort of bailout money in the highly unlikely event that the team qualifies for such a handout.
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