BREAKING: EMP Resigns From PSAS

EMP AD Urban Meyer leaving discussions with PSAS Commissioner last Tuesday, bitterly disappointed

GAINESVILLE, FLORIDA - el mundo pequeno is stepping down as member of the

Pre-Socratic AllStarz fantasy football league, Athletics Director Urban Meyer
announced Wednesday afternoon. el mundo captured one National Championship in his three years in the PSAS (2009), two Regular Season Championships (2008 and
2010), one Eleatic School crown (2009) and led his Thales Eclipse/psychdog/el mundo pequeno teams to three straight Playoff appearances. He named himself “Coach of the Decade” in December of 2010.

EMP stated in the press release: “I am enormously grateful to the Pre-Socratic Allstarz

and our tremendous fans for giving me the incredible opportunity
to lead the EMP fantasy football program. The support provided by commissioner Thanatoids

and Reserve Chairman BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng has been an
invaluable part of all that we have been able to accomplish over the
last three years. Most importantly, I will be forever grateful to the athletes I have had the honor to

draft and coach-up and from whom I have learned so much. I will profoundly miss
coming to work every day and spending more time than I'd like to admit analyzing each and every matchup, but I will always be a Pre-Socratic at heart, and I am confident that the League will continue to reflect the highest ideals of pre-Socratic thought and professional sports.”

EMP’s three-year record in the PSAS is 32-12 (.727), including a

League-record stretch of 10-straight consecutive wins in 2008.

The last year, however, has been a mess after EMP lost a close Division race with the Phat Girlz

to close out the season. EMP also came under fire early in the season

for the way he ran the League as commissioner. Those close to him say this

hurt him deeply after having put his heart and soul in helping build the League from the ground up. Feeling pressure to resign, EMP did just that after week 7, quickly handing the reigns over to close confidant The Thanatoids. However, this decision proved costly, sources say, as EMP lost league influence fast and was unable to enact his agenda behind the scenes with the Thanatoids in charge. This conflict came to a boiling point during off the record negotiations with the Thanatoids last Monday and Tuesday, which EMP AD Urban Meyer characterized as an "utter failure" without divulging the nature of the talks. Rumors swirled that the rift between the Thanatoids and EMP had grown so large that a reconciliation was impossible. An EMP spokeperson denied this, however. It's no secret that EMP was working hard to get Vickskennel.com banished from the League, while the Thanatoids has been publicly noncommittal, stating that he will revisit the issue during the offseason. The true nature of the talks remains a mystery still.

Sensing the noose tightening EMP scheduled a shoddily planned news conference to announce his resignation this Monday, but was talked out of it at the last moment by BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng. The result was a media disaster which further tarnished EMP's image as a petty fear mongeror too out of touch with the modern ambitions of a League now finishing its most successful season ever. Those close to him had hoped EMP would have a change of heart, citing EMP's recent activity on the waiver as recently as last night, but apparently that was not enough to rekindle a fire to compete that has somehow, someway been extinguished by forces currently unknown.

No word yet on who, if anyone, will coach EMP for the 2010 Playoffs at press time.