Reports are now circulating within the Milesian School that newly crowned PSAS Champion Vickskennel.com may actually be a crypto neo-Zionist front organization hellbent on ensuring that the ‘meek ’ inherit the PSAS for future seasons. The reports indicate that limping into the Playoffs at a substandard losing record (6-7) was in fact a ruse for the Kennel to identify themselves as the king of the lowly PSAS underclass, only to morph into a half-man/half-god juggernaut at just the right time to defeat the shocked and dismayed entrenched ruling elites. The Kennel’s ascension to godlike status was met with immense jubilation by their fans who felt vindicated for believing that everlasting faith could lead them to the Promised Land even when things looked at their worst. Beyond the physical resemblance, the hidden narrative obviously mimics the story of Jesus, the peasant son of a carpenter who rose to stardom by defeating local gentile rulers through a series of deft drafting (Matthew, Mark, Luke) and FA acquisitions (Mary Magdalene). Likewise, Vickskennel.com came from meager beginnings, namely being the lamest PSAS team of all time through their much-publicized apathy, before turning water into wine by defeating the powerful Int’l Necronauts, BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng, and Phat Girlz in consecutive weeks to take the elusive Title. What were once thought to be drunken ramblings or harmless non-sequiturs muttered by the Kennel over the course of the season, are now being interpreted as mystic parables foreshadowing the rise of ‘the forsaken ones’. For example, striking parallels have appeared between this infamous rant regarding NFL Network Thursday Night games, “You rape the players. You rape the fans. And now because you want to rape the cable companies you get to rape my fantasy football team as a bonus trickle down quickie rape... With Hatred, -Vixkennel.com” and the Pharisee and the Publican parable (Luke 18:9-14):
“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
In addition, the Kennel’s statement during their One Shining Moment, “I could go down as the most hated champ in league history. I love it!” is now being seen as a veiled allusion to “Then the scribes and Pharisees who were from Jerusalem came to Jesus, saying, "Why do Your disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread." He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” (Matt 15:1-3).
The Kennel have always postured themselves as League outsiders, but until now their plot to dominate the League had been a closely guarded secret by members of various cults and secret societies. Vickskennel’s plot began to unravel only due to an accident when a random elderly man was overheard murmuring, “You know, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s probably, you know . . . ” as Vickskennel was seen eating an all beef hot dog next to two Hasidic men on a cold night in March at Gray’s Papaya near Redd’s Tavern in Manhattan. A classified PSAS investigation soon commenced and quickly uncovered some disturbing details which are only now coming to light, such as the fact that Vickskennel always seems to have an “in” at posh apartments around Brooklyn, such as the one mere blocks away from luminary, Heath Ledger. To wit, it was discovered that the Kennel’s invisible hand had actually brokered the 27 Ten Eyck deal during the brief time in which four PSAS franchises lived with one another. True to form, the other apartment-mates were fed a fairy tale so absurd only gentiles would believe it, namely that the apartment was delivered “fairly” after drawing the One card during a game of UNO!
After months of searching through ancient maps, documents, and directories, the investigation also found that no Diosomukes of Ionia has ever existed on the record. In a disturbing turn, the investigation indicates that Diosomukes may actually be a fake name, gaelic in origin, based on well known Spanish Fort High School superstud offensive line recruit Reese Dismukes, currently committed to Auburn. Is the Kennel a distant relative to former PSAS member Garrett, as has been rumored in small circles for years? That much remains unclear.
However, the very name Vickskennel actually appears to be a hidden reference to the organization’s Zionist endgame strategy in which the Kennel lets the dogs out on the rest of the League. According to Scripture, Dogs are messengers of God in that "dog" specifically and purposefully was selected through divine inspiration to communicate the full measure of God through the context of the 40 Scriptural references or citations in The Bible. Whether Hebrew (kelev), Greek (kuōn), or Aramaic (kalbā),whether literal, metaphorical, or allegorical in syntax, in the context of communicating God's word, dogs are messengers of God. For example:
Psalm 22:20
Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs
2 Kings 8:13
Hazael said, "How could your servant, a mere dog, accomplish such a feat?" "The LORD has shown me that you will become king of Aram," answered Elisha.
Judges 7:5
So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, "Separate those who lap the water with their tongues like a dog from those who kneel down to drink."
1 Samuel 17:43
He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
What will become of the PSAS now that the League has gone to the dogs and Vickskennel sits at the perch overlooking the rest of the League, what a Kennel insider calls ‘God’s Country’? What will become of us now that dusk has finally descended on the Abendland on this Third and most vexatious of PSAS seasons? On the surface it appears the Kennel’s triumph gives other vapid and mediocre teams hope to achieve immortal success now that their Christ figure has crashed the party. However, things are rarely so simple or easily discernable by common thinking. In truth, Vickskennel’s victory portends a dark future that threatens the very existence of the PSAS and each of its member franchises, one marked by famine, pestilence, and even death.
Those blinded by faith or too consumed by cheap thrills on the waiver wire will surely remain blissfully unaware of what lies in store for the PSAS, but Vickskennel’s victory signifies that the Era of the Great Holy War is now finally upon us, as was predicted long ago. Vickskennel will lead the throngs of the lowest among us against the dominant elite in a series of inquisitions with nothing short of the future political order of the PSAS at stake. The first salvos have already been fired by the Kennel by not spending one penny on Free Agents this season, destablising the entire Primordial Reserve economy. Paying Caesar what’s his, and God the rest, apparently means rebuking the entire financial order of the League so as to plant the seeds of the League’s destruction. This is financial warfare of the highest order, and a concerted plot to deprive the League of its much needed capital influx for future endeavors. Whereas the Primordial Reserve has heretofore employed a quantitative easing program to devalue the currency, and thereby making capital markets for efficient, the Kennel has obstinately employed the opposite strategy, whose trickle-down influence has caused other owners to protect their reserves out of fear. In essence, the Kennel has purposefully created a glut of liquidity, stultifying League initiatives to carry out essential governmental functions. That the Kennel does not recognize the legitimacy of the commissionership, PR Chairman, or the authority of the PSAS as such, is precisely the line that has been drawn in the sand and what threatens us all with dire consequences. Therefore, the time has come, as will be seen in the coming weeks and months, that each member franchise will have to choose whose authority they acknowledge and accept as just. Will League members seek refuge in their own futility by siding with the leader who exalts weakness, parity, and callous disregard for the very paved streets the Kennel trampled on en route to victory, or will the League seek continued illumination of the most primordial of ideas the League has been entrusted to protect? At this point, no one can say for sure as the League teeters precariously in the pincers.
Of course, the next Chapter in this saga has been pre-ordained since the Beginning. Somewhere, some place, there is someone already sharpening the nails that will be used in the Kennel’s Day of Reckoning outside the PSAS city walls near their Zion. There, the Kennel will have to make the lonely walk once again through the Via Dolorosa before meeting their fate high atop the mountain. However, it is not for the League to determine what legacy the Kennel leaves after their surprise PSAS Championship, nor to determine who will surround the Kennel on this Final Day in support. Rather, it is up to each and every one of you to decide whether the Kennel is, in fact, the Messiah, or just another rabble rouser lucky enough to challenge authority and win. Only then, once the words "E'lo-i, E'lo-i, la'ma sabach-tha'ni" are uttered, will we truly know who has forsaken whom.
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