Graceful Champion

TRANSCRIPT OF PSAS CHAMPIONSHIP ACCEPTANCE SPEECH:

"First, I'd like to thank the one true God, whose name shall remain unspoken as well as my lord and savior, son of the Almighty, Jesus Christ."

"Now, I'd like to thank all those fans who supported me through the dark hours of trial and tribulation. We did it! When they doubted us you still believed. When they claimed we weren't invested you still believed. And when those with hate-filled hearts called for our banishment your steadfast belief was what prevailed. It was that unwavering faith that fortified our perseverance, leaving redemption as the only acceptable conclusion to a year marred by scandal and upheaval. Thank you."

"That is why it is with my fans in mind that I have decided to change my name. Henceforth we shall no longer be referred to as the corporate profiteering Vixkennel.com, but as the venerable Vixkennel.org. Yes, the Kennel applied for and received 501(c)3 status as a charitable organization. And it is with great relief that at the time of this announcement I can finally reveal the reason for our frugal spending this year. Half of the Kennel's unused Primordial Reserve notes from will be put to exclusive use on humanitarian endeavors. We've learned that there are issues far more important than the day-to-day titrations of fantasy football or dogfighting."

"The first order of (not for profit) business in the "dot-org" era will be expansion into the emerging markets with kennels opening up in select regions of Central and Western Africa. At these state-of-the-art facilities trained healthcare providers will work around the clock to administer VixVaxines to them little starving naked children. We all know children are our future and what better place to foster our future than in the cradle of our past. Once this pilot program has taken off we have been promised matching funds from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to open kennels in Southeast Asia as well as India and Pakistan."

"Eradicating human population, er, the pestilence that afflicts the human population is our number one goal for the offseason. That is why along with our worldwide circumcision initiative the VixVaxine program is of the utmost importance."

"In today's global village responsibility falls on all members of the community. Isolationism is no longer an option. We've come to realize that wasting electricity to kill useless dogs leads to extremely harmful CO2 emissions. From this day forward we will cease to endanger our Mother Earth when a dog tucks tail and pisses itself, but we shall give back by burying the scrawny mutt alive. This most carbon efficient method allows us to save our own energy while replenishing the soil with vital nutrients."


"To ring in the new year won't you please join us in a new era of giving. You can start as soon as now by purchasing a pair of these plush VixCarbonFootprint Slippers. Since trading in our com for an org all purchases are tax deductible and every penny (less operating costs) will go to the betterment of mankind... What? I was told that if it's not for profit I could make all the promotional statements I wanted... Well, you need to speak to my lawyer then."


"I apologize for that. It appears that there are still those out there who wish to sully our good name. Haven't we been through enough? I've repaid my debt to society and learned that the biggest rewards come not from personal gain, but from serving the greater good. The idea that I am somehow part of any nefarious organization, to me, is ludicrous. To all those who would support me I leave you with these words of caution. The stinging bite of defeat is one left by a fork-tongued and venom-filled mouth. Venom that seeps into a man's soul and warps it to darkness. To all those who question my sanctity I would like to remind you that I LOVE PUPPIES! Good luck next year! Thank you and God Bless!"

BREAKING: NEW CHAMPION CROWNED, QUESTIONS RAISED WHETHER VICKSKENNEL.COM IS ACTUALLY CRYPTO-ZIONIST FRONT ORGANIZATION

Reports are now circulating within the Milesian School that newly crowned PSAS Champion Vickskennel.com may actually be a crypto neo-Zionist front organization hellbent on ensuring that the ‘meek ’ inherit the PSAS for future seasons. The reports indicate that limping into the Playoffs at a substandard losing record (6-7) was in fact a ruse for the Kennel to identify themselves as the king of the lowly PSAS underclass, only to morph into a half-man/half-god juggernaut at just the right time to defeat the shocked and dismayed entrenched ruling elites. The Kennel’s ascension to godlike status was met with immense jubilation by their fans who felt vindicated for believing that everlasting faith could lead them to the Promised Land even when things looked at their worst. Beyond the physical resemblance, the hidden narrative obviously mimics the story of Jesus, the peasant son of a carpenter who rose to stardom by defeating local gentile rulers through a series of deft drafting (Matthew, Mark, Luke) and FA acquisitions (Mary Magdalene). Likewise, Vickskennel.com came from meager beginnings, namely being the lamest PSAS team of all time through their much-publicized apathy, before turning water into wine by defeating the powerful Int’l Necronauts, BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng, and Phat Girlz in consecutive weeks to take the elusive Title. What were once thought to be drunken ramblings or harmless non-sequiturs muttered by the Kennel over the course of the season, are now being interpreted as mystic parables foreshadowing the rise of ‘the forsaken ones’. For example, striking parallels have appeared between this infamous rant regarding NFL Network Thursday Night games, “You rape the players. You rape the fans. And now because you want to rape the cable companies you get to rape my fantasy football team as a bonus trickle down quickie rape... With Hatred, -Vixkennel.com” and the Pharisee and the Publican parable (Luke 18:9-14):

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

In addition, the Kennel’s statement during their One Shining Moment, “I could go down as the most hated champ in league history. I love it!” is now being seen as a veiled allusion to “Then the scribes and Pharisees who were from Jerusalem came to Jesus, saying, "Why do Your disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread." He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” (Matt 15:1-3).

The Kennel have always postured themselves as League outsiders, but until now their plot to dominate the League had been a closely guarded secret by members of various cults and secret societies. Vickskennel’s plot began to unravel only due to an accident when a random elderly man was overheard murmuring, “You know, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s probably, you know . . . ” as Vickskennel was seen eating an all beef hot dog next to two Hasidic men on a cold night in March at Gray’s Papaya near Redd’s Tavern in Manhattan. A classified PSAS investigation soon commenced and quickly uncovered some disturbing details which are only now coming to light, such as the fact that Vickskennel always seems to have an “in” at posh apartments around Brooklyn, such as the one mere blocks away from luminary, Heath Ledger. To wit, it was discovered that the Kennel’s invisible hand had actually brokered the 27 Ten Eyck deal during the brief time in which four PSAS franchises lived with one another. True to form, the other apartment-mates were fed a fairy tale so absurd only gentiles would believe it, namely that the apartment was delivered “fairly” after drawing the One card during a game of UNO!

After months of searching through ancient maps, documents, and directories, the investigation also found that no Diosomukes of Ionia has ever existed on the record. In a disturbing turn, the investigation indicates that Diosomukes may actually be a fake name, gaelic in origin, based on well known Spanish Fort High School superstud offensive line recruit Reese Dismukes, currently committed to Auburn. Is the Kennel a distant relative to former PSAS member Garrett, as has been rumored in small circles for years? That much remains unclear.

However, the very name Vickskennel actually appears to be a hidden reference to the organization’s Zionist endgame strategy in which the Kennel lets the dogs out on the rest of the League. According to Scripture, Dogs are messengers of God in that "dog" specifically and purposefully was selected through divine inspiration to communicate the full measure of God through the context of the 40 Scriptural references or citations in The Bible. Whether Hebrew (kelev), Greek (kuōn), or Aramaic (kalbā),whether literal, metaphorical, or allegorical in syntax, in the context of communicating God's word, dogs are messengers of God. For example:

Psalm 22:20
Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs

2 Kings 8:13
Hazael said, "How could your servant, a mere dog, accomplish such a feat?" "The LORD has shown me that you will become king of Aram," answered Elisha.

Judges 7:5
So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, "Separate those who lap the water with their tongues like a dog from those who kneel down to drink."

1 Samuel 17:43
He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.

What will become of the PSAS now that the League has gone to the dogs and Vickskennel sits at the perch overlooking the rest of the League, what a Kennel insider calls ‘God’s Country’? What will become of us now that dusk has finally descended on the Abendland on this Third and most vexatious of PSAS seasons? On the surface it appears the Kennel’s triumph gives other vapid and mediocre teams hope to achieve immortal success now that their Christ figure has crashed the party. However, things are rarely so simple or easily discernable by common thinking. In truth, Vickskennel’s victory portends a dark future that threatens the very existence of the PSAS and each of its member franchises, one marked by famine, pestilence, and even death.

Those blinded by faith or too consumed by cheap thrills on the waiver wire will surely remain blissfully unaware of what lies in store for the PSAS, but Vickskennel’s victory signifies that the Era of the Great Holy War is now finally upon us, as was predicted long ago. Vickskennel will lead the throngs of the lowest among us against the dominant elite in a series of inquisitions with nothing short of the future political order of the PSAS at stake. The first salvos have already been fired by the Kennel by not spending one penny on Free Agents this season, destablising the entire Primordial Reserve economy. Paying Caesar what’s his, and God the rest, apparently means rebuking the entire financial order of the League so as to plant the seeds of the League’s destruction. This is financial warfare of the highest order, and a concerted plot to deprive the League of its much needed capital influx for future endeavors. Whereas the Primordial Reserve has heretofore employed a quantitative easing program to devalue the currency, and thereby making capital markets for efficient, the Kennel has obstinately employed the opposite strategy, whose trickle-down influence has caused other owners to protect their reserves out of fear. In essence, the Kennel has purposefully created a glut of liquidity, stultifying League initiatives to carry out essential governmental functions. That the Kennel does not recognize the legitimacy of the commissionership, PR Chairman, or the authority of the PSAS as such, is precisely the line that has been drawn in the sand and what threatens us all with dire consequences. Therefore, the time has come, as will be seen in the coming weeks and months, that each member franchise will have to choose whose authority they acknowledge and accept as just. Will League members seek refuge in their own futility by siding with the leader who exalts weakness, parity, and callous disregard for the very paved streets the Kennel trampled on en route to victory, or will the League seek continued illumination of the most primordial of ideas the League has been entrusted to protect? At this point, no one can say for sure as the League teeters precariously in the pincers.

Of course, the next Chapter in this saga has been pre-ordained since the Beginning. Somewhere, some place, there is someone already sharpening the nails that will be used in the Kennel’s Day of Reckoning outside the PSAS city walls near their Zion. There, the Kennel will have to make the lonely walk once again through the Via Dolorosa before meeting their fate high atop the mountain. However, it is not for the League to determine what legacy the Kennel leaves after their surprise PSAS Championship, nor to determine who will surround the Kennel on this Final Day in support. Rather, it is up to each and every one of you to decide whether the Kennel is, in fact, the Messiah, or just another rabble rouser lucky enough to challenge authority and win. Only then, once the words "E'lo-i, E'lo-i, la'ma sabach-tha'ni" are uttered, will we truly know who has forsaken whom.

Welcome to the PSAS Award Show! Introducing your host, Bob Knight!!

(rausing applause)

_______________

" If I were in charge I'd drug test all you sons of bitches, not just the athletes. "

Most Titrations in a Season:

BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng --> 68

2009. psych dog (62)

_______________

"A B.S. is just what it stands for. A M.S. is More of the Same. A PhD. Is

Piled Higher and Deeper."

Most Overspent on a Single Player

el mundo --> Brian Westbrook

_______________

"If you're a coach you're going to get your ass beat now and then"

Best Single Game for a Player

Grossman Sachs --? Mike Vick (Week 10 49 points)

________________

"All of us learn to write in second grade, and most of us go on to better
things."

Most Players Injured

Indianapolis Colts

_________________

If my reaction to the jeering from the stands on Tuesday night offended any
true Hoosier fans, I am deeply sorry and wish to apologize. I realize that
you have not always agreed with what I have done or said. I probably wouldn't agree with all you have said or did either

Best Free Agent Acquisition

Grossman Sachs --> Mike Vick; Silver Medal - BDT --> Peyton Hillis; Bronze Medal --> Brandon Lloyd Revenge of the Sith

______________

Greatest game of the Year

Week 7: EMP vs. Revenge 103.8-104

______________

"I've had all the challenges I need in my lifetime. I'd rather play against
a really bad team."

America's Team Award - team with greatest following

San Francisco Ferries

_______________

*** MAJOR AWARDS ***

The reason we lost the game was you, it was your fault.

ROOKIE OF THE YEAR AWARD - Best Expansion Franchise

2009: Discerning Nostrils

2010: Grossman Sachs

COACH OF THE YEAR AWARD- Best consistent week-to-week titrations

2009: Sunset Park Mastifs

2010: Phat Girlz

GENERAL MANAGER OF THE YEAR AWARD- Most successful acquisitions post-Draft

2009: psych dog

2010: BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng

1. Peyton Hillis FA signing for $0 (***** stars)

2. Miles Austin - Pierre Thomas trade (**** stars)

3. Ryan Fitzpatrick/John Kitna QB titrations after Tony Romo injury (*** stars)

4. Innovator of "Triple-Titration Offense" Romo + Miles Austin + Felix Jones (**** stars)

and finally...

Awarded for team that most lies in the pincers of the polemos, on the edge of Being (in-der-Welt-Sein) over the course of an entire career, while demonstrating Sportsmanship and High Achievement

INT'L NECRONAUTS

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2nd Annual PSAS Awards Show

@9 pm EST

Join us as we toast Sunday's Championship Game and remember the year that was!

2009: BDT narrowly defeating Garrett for the Legacy Award for Titrative Excellence

ἀνθρώποις γίνεσθαι ὁκόσα θέλουσιν οὐκ ἄμεινον

"It is not better for men to get all they wish to get."

Good luck to the Vixkennel & PG in the playoffs!

-BDT, Chairman of the Primordial Reserve (Lifetime Appointment)

Championship Preview! Phat Girlz vs. Vickskennel.com!

Well, it's been a long road to get here, and the two teams could not have had more disparate paths, but we've finally arrived at the pinnacle of the season. Appropriately, we'll end with the #1 seed vs. the #6. The team that everybody expected to be here vs. the team that nobody did. These two squads last matched up in week 9 with a surprising victory for Vicks that kept them in the playoff race (118-67). Vicks would go on to lose three of their last four regular season games, to slink into the six seed, while Phat Girlz would win out in thundering fashion to take the top bye. Vicks will have to run the "upset countdown" gauntlet after beating the #3 Nauts and #2 BDT. PG will get the reverse after slipping by the #5 Pelicans last week. Phat Girlz spent nearly half of their cash picking up key free agents to win clutch games to ensure their bye, Vicks spent nothing and the vicissitudes of the season have turned some of their lumps of coal to diamonds. It's an unlikely mash-up! It's a Beauty and the Beast contest! It's the 2010 Pre-Socratic All Starz CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Location:

Redd's Tavern

Phat Girlz - The Girlz came perilously close to ending their season last week, but sneaked out the backdoor into the finals. 86.4 is a pretty low score for this team, as their main motor (MJD) sputtered, their flex fell off the boat entirely, and their team was jointly led by Schaub and Santana Moss. Not exactly the ringing semi-finals endorsement you'd hope for from the #1 seed. It drags their ppg down to 108.4. Still, this team's second trip to the finals is an exciting moment for the league, and there's every reason to think that they'll rebound to take this season from cradle to grave. MJD has a nice match-up against Washington, although the Jags have looked near pitiful on the ground the last two weeks. Roddy White will face a dinged up New Orleans secondary. And if Moreno can get healthy, he'll get plenty of touches against a good look in Houston. S.Moss looked as comfortable with Grossman as with McNabb and could be in for another big one. With the Steelers' D playing the Panthers they could be up for a 20 spot. If Moreno is as questionable as they say, look for PG to go to the well to secure this one. Phat Girlz are still the favorite to win this one, but they'll need to get everyone on the titration bus if they want to take this one downtown.

Vickskennel.com - Vicks put up 109 in week 15 and took out the #2 seed BDT, bringing them up to 97.6 ppg, nearly 11 points behind their opponents this week. Still, even the potential of their victory has rocked the league to the core, unleashing a brace of penetrating questions. Such as, how can a team that spent no money on free agents make it to the PSAS championship? How important is draft strategy? Does it matter if you go 1-4 during NFL bye weeks? Vicks does not have the high ceiling that PG does. They don't have their consistency. But they may have fortune on their side. Ray Rice and Jonathan Stewart have picked up the pace at just the right moment combining for 70 points over the last two weeks. If anybody thought there might have been a QB controversy in the finals between Philip Rivers and Tim Tebow, it certainly wasn't me. Everything seems to be falling the Kennel Klub's way. But will it hold? Rice will visit the Browns in Cleveland next week. Stewart run against the Steel Curtain. Vicks' hot-and-cold Jets will face the formidable Bears. And New Orleans' defense will face the high scoring Falcons. In their current formulation Yahoo projects them in the low 90s, against a 110 projection for PG. It should be interesting to see if the Kennel Klub decides to make a pick-up, or even set their line-up, or if they'll be content to be as laissez-faire about the championship as they have about the season.

Phat Girls Utilize alternative Motivational Technique, Recognize Other Upcoming Sporting Events

Phat Girlz management took time out today from preparation for their upcoming semifinal game vs the Pelicans to recognize a recent study that could be relevant to lwoowllwoowl's imminent Bowl Challenge, as well as to their own performance on Sunday.

"I live to inform," said Gabare Sibide, the Girlz' general manager. "Knowledge is power and the ACC and the Big Ten are overrated."

Girlz' coach Mo'Nique is rumored to be utilizing the Bowl Challenge as a fun distraction from the pressure her team will likely experience on Sunday in the rarefied air of being the favorite.

"I don't want us to be tight like a skinny bitch's pussy, baby," she is reported to have said, reflecting on her decision to encourage her team to enjoy some secondary recreation this week.

Girlz management has felt ignored and underappreciated all year despite possessing the strongest corps of running backs the league has ever seen, particularly considering her genius drafting of Knowshon Morreno in the 4th round, anticipating his breakout year and winning smile. Head coach Mo'Nique spent the bye week drawing comparisons between the lack of respect given to the Big East and her Girlz' similar underdog status during an impassioned monologue at last Saturday's "Showtime at the Apollo."

In related news, Mo'Nique was said to be licking her chops following the 5-point performance from the Pelicans' flex on Thursday, as well as the elimination of her two perceived biggest threats in the surprising first round of the playoffs. Still, others pointed to a history of close calls and an "inability to win the big one," expressing skepticism that the Girlz can devour two more opponents.

(study follows - conference bowl records since 1998)

BEST OVERALL BOWL RECORDS
NOTE: The standings are limited to current FBS conferences. The Big West was 3-0 record in bowls from 1998-2000 (Idaho winning the 1998 Humanitarian and Boise State winning the 1999 and 2000 Humanitarian before both schools joined the WAC and the Big West left the FBS).
1. BIG EAST (36-23, .6101)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-2. 1999: 2-2. 2000: 4-1. 2001: 4-1. 2002: 3-2. 2003: 2-3. 2004: 2-3. 2005: 1-3. 2006: 5-0. 2007: 3-2. 2008: 4-2. 2009: 4-2.
Buzz: The Big East benefited in the early part of the BCS era because Miami was one of the nation's dominant programs and Boston College began a string of eight consecutive bowl wins in 2000. Still, the Big East has gone 16-6 in bowl games over the past four seasons even after the exodus of Miami, Boston College and Virginia Tech.
2. MOUNTAIN WEST (25-16, .6097)
Year-by-year record: 1999: 1-2. 2000: 3-0. 2001: 2-1. 2002: 0-3. 2003: 1-2. 2004: 2-1. 2005: 2-2. 2006: 3-1. 2007: 4-1. 2008: 3-2. 2009: 4-1.
Buzz: How close is the Mountain West to taking over the lead? The Big East has a bowl winning percentage of .6101 in the BCS era, while the MWC is at .6097 since launching in 1999. The MWC is 18-8 overall - and 2-1 in BCS games - since the 2004 season, which featured the first of Utah's two perfect seasons.
3. SEC (56-39, .589)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 4-4. 1999: 4-4. 2000: 4-5. 2001: 5-3. 2002: 3-4. 2003: 5-2. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 3-3. 2006: 6-3. 2007: 7-2. 2008: 6-2. 2009: 6-4.
Buzz: The SEC struggled in the postseason during the early part of the BCS era, but it has been dominant across the entire bowl spectrum during its current run of four consecutive national championships. The SEC is 25-11 in bowl games over the past four years and hasn't posted a losing bowl record since 2002.
4. BIG 12 (45-45, .500)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 3-4. 1999: 3-3. 2000: 4-3. 2001: 3-5. 2002: 5-3. 2003: 2-6. 2004: 4-3. 2005: 5-3. 2006: 3-5. 2007: 5-3. 2008: 4-3. 2009: 4-4.
Buzz: While other conferences have endured plenty of peaks and valleys in their recent bowl history, the Big 12 has been remarkably steady. The Big 12's 2-6 record in 2003 - including losses in the Fiesta and Sugar - marked the only time in the BCS era the league has been more than two games above or below .500 in a given postseason.
5. PAC-10 (33-34, .493)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-4. 1999: 1-4. 2000: 3-2. 2001: 2-3. 2002: 2-5. 2003: 4-2. 2004: 3-2. 2005: 3-2. 2006: 3-3. 2007: 4-2. 2008: 5-0. 2009: 2-5.
Buzz: The Pac-10 struggled early in the BCS era before riding the wave of USC's emergence as one of the nation's dominant programs. The Pac-10's 2-5 mark last season represented the conference's first losing bowl record since 2002.
6. ACC (39-42), .481)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-3. 1999: 2-3. 2000: 1-4. 2001: 4-2. 2002: 4-3. 2003: 5-1. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 5-3. 2006: 4-4. 2007: 2-6. 2008: 4-6. 2009: 3-4.
Buzz: The ACC's dismal 2-10 record in BCS games has overshadowed the league's relatively sold 37-32 mark in non-BCS contests. The ACC actually was faring better in bowl games before Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College joined the league.
7. BIG TEN (38-43, .469)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 5-0. 1999: 5-2. 2000: 2-4. 2001: 2-4. 2002: 5-2. 2003: 3-5. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 3-4. 2006: 2-5. 2007: 3-5. 2008: 1-6. 2009: 4-3.
Buzz: After going 19-12 in bowl games through the first five seasons of the BCS era, the Big Ten has tailed off dramatically. Last season was the first the Big Ten had posted a winning bowl record since 2002.
8. WAC (19-24, .442)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-2. 1999: 2-1. 2000: 0-3. 2001: 0-2. 2002: 2-1. 2003: 3-1. 2004: 2-2. 2005: 1-2. 2006: 3-1. 2007: 1-3. 2008: 1-4. 2009: 2-2.
Buzz: Considering Hawaii and Boise State have played a combined eight bowls as WAC members that were home games, you'd think the WAC would have a better bowl record.
9. CONFERENCE USA (23-35, .397)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-2. 1999: 1-2. 2000: 2-2. 2001: 1-3. 2002: 2-3. 2003: 1-4. 2004: 3-2. 2005: 3-2. 2006: 1-4. 2007: 2-4. 2008: 4-2. 2009: 2-4.
Buzz: Conference USA has a remarkable number of bowl partners (six) for a league that isn't one of the six major conferences, and it therefore has played in more bowl games than the other non-major leagues.
10. MAC (13-20, .394)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-0. 1999: 1-0. 2000: 1-0. 2001: 2-0. 2002: 1-1. 2003: 2-0. 2004: 2-3. 2005: 1-1. 2006: 1-3. 2007: 0-3. 2008: 0-5. 2009: 1-4.
Buzz: The Big Ten isn't the only conference in the Midwest that has struggled in bowl games recently. The MAC has gone an astounding 2-15 in bowl games over the past four seasons. The MAC owes its impressive bowl record from early in the BCS era to former member Marshall, which went 5-1 in the postseason from 1998-2004 before leaving for Conference USA.
11. SUN BELT (5-8, .385)
Year-by-year record: 2001: 0-1. 2002: 1-0. 2003: 0-1. 2004: 0-2. 2005: 0-1. 2006: 1-1. 2007: 1-0. 2008: 1-1. 2009: 1-1.
Buzz: The Sun Belt routinely is rated as the nation's weakest conference, yet its recent bowl record is somewhat encouraging. The league is 4-3 in bowl games over the past four seasons and has won one bowl in each of those seasons.
12. INDEPENDENTS (4-10, .286)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 0-1. 2000: 0-1. 2002: 0-1. 2003: 0-1. 2004: 1-1. 2005: 1-1. 2006: 0-2. 2007: 0-1. 2008: 1-1. 2009: 1-0.
Buzz: Notre Dame's 2008 Hawaii Bowl victory over Hawaii ended the Irish's nine-game bowl skid, which included six losses in the BCS era. This season is the first time in the BCS era that each of the three major independents (Army, Navy and Notre Dame) is bowling in the same season.

Grossman Threat Level Raised to High This Weekend

Disturbing news out of Washington today as Mike Shanahan confirmed that Rex Grossman had again escaped his handlers and was making his way toward the Cowboys/Redskins match-up in Dallas. An agent for the Grossman Sachs Downward Counterfactual Division urged that the DHS advisory rating be raised to Orange, and interest rates be lowered to 1985 levels. Grossman, who last escaped his layer beneath Federal Hall (666 Wall St) in late October, was believed to be in hibernation for the Winter months. Civilians who encounter Quarterback/Throwing-Punter are advised not to look directly into his eyes, as he may feel threatened and attempt to "step up in the pocket". The Commisioner's press secretary Earl "Pig" Bodine would would not comment on rumors that Posse Commitatus laws had be suspended for the duration of the crisis. Grossman was last spotted at a screening of Tron: Legacy in Lexington, Kentucky muttering the movie's tagline, "The game has changed..."

Consolation Preview - #12 San Francisco Ferries vs. #8 Revenge of the Sith

Ties can't happen in playoff games, and that's probably a good thing for these two, since a tie arguably screwed them both for the season.  It was week 6 when these two locked horns for a 110 pt a piece tie.  All signs point to it being a close match-up again, since these are the two highest scoring teams in the consolation.   The Ferries crushed the Sachs last week and moved into the hunt for the #1 pick.  The Sith bided their time on the bye and now look ready to run for their 2nd straight top pick.  It's Consolation Madness!  It's Milesian-Ephesian Action! It's the tie-breaker!

Location:

Alcatraz

Ferries - The Ferries 139 point performance last week put them up to 100.5 ppg on the season, 

underscoring their danger as a 12 seed. They'll need big double titrations again from Peyton and the Frenchman like last week, if they're going to do it. The Ferries also draw the against-Carolina

 defensive high card this week.  But they'll need a little something extra if they're going to take out the 

Sith.  Could it be Ricky Williams against the pathetic Bills ground D?   Could Deon Branch catch two TDs in the New England snow like the old days?  Tune in to find out if this teams motto is breathing fire or just more hot air.

Revenge of the Sith - The Sith put up another spectacular week on their bye, titrating 127 points. That's good enough for 103. 5 ppg, better than half the playoff squads.  The Sith are a powerful scoring team, who usually are either fantastic or terrible.  Most of that depends on how their triple blue ribbon group (Brady, Johnson, McFadden) do.  All three look like they're ready to cut a rug this week.   Minnesota's Defense should be an interesting play in the frozen Gopher bowl.   If they can depend on Bowe for a serious air attack against the Rams, then we might have the shoot-out of the season on our hands in consolation semi-finals!

Playoff Preview!- 5th Place Game!

EMP and the Nauts both took tough losses last week.  Speaking from experience, I know it's tough to lose in the first round of the playoffs.  But, it is a mighty honor just to be invited to the big dance.  And we all know how fickle the gods are in doling their favors on fantasy mortals, week to week.  That being said, winning the fifth place game is quite an achievement -- it sends a message to the rest of the league, perhaps "Look out for me next year!" or "συλλάψιες· ὅλα καὶ οὐχ ὅλα, συμφερόμενον διαφερόμενον, συνᾷδον διᾷδον καὶ ἐκ πάντων ἓν καὶ ἐξ ἑνὸς πάντα".  EMP drew some tough match-ups, and titrated their lowest score since week 2.  The Nauts were within victory range but a brace of injuries handcuffed them to an elimination anchor and dragged them  full fathom five. But as the poet says "we will grieve not, rather find strength in what remains behind."

Location:

Vail Commons

 

EMP - No doubt last year's champion had entertained visions of a repeat this year, but a single rough week can ruin you this time of year.  That being said, even averaging in last week's p

erformance they're still at 108.5 ppg, good for 2nd in the league (assuming you count PG's bye performance).  And of course, we all remember their record setting performance in Week 11. No matter what happened last week, the odds-makers have to favor EMP in this match-up.   They walked all over the Nauts in Week 6, and even without touching their line-up they're scheduled for over 100.  That being said, they'll face a few tough looks this weekend.  A hungry Jets D will be out to stop the R-burger and Wallace combo.  Foster faces up against a tough Titans ground D.   And it looks like Jennings will be without Rogers at QB in the frigid New England weather.  But, Mike Williams and Tamme are both due for big days against soft coverage, so maybe everything evens out and the Little Worlders hit their average one last time this season.

Int'l Necronauts - Everybody's favorite comeback kids stormed into the playoffs on a 6 game

 winning streak (like EMP) and dropped their first since week 8 to get knocked out.  But even going into Monday night, the Nauts had a good chance to walk out victors.  Unfortunately a run of injuries skewed them off course.  Cassel's appendectomy, Manningham, Peterson's freak collision.  Still even after their lowest score of the year, they're at 97.9 ppg.  It's worth remembering that halfway through the season, nobody thought this team was bound for the playoffs at all.  Through their storied 2nd half, they captured the imaginations of the PSAS.  Even if Cassel doesn't return there are still plenty of ways the Nauts can get into this fight.  AP is facing a midwest snow bowl with a third string QB, meaning he could get 30+ touches.   Benson and Choice both have favorable matches.  And if Rogers is truly out, New England's D could be in for a landmark day against the pass-first Pack. 

Playoff Preview! #2 BDT vs. #6. Vickskennel.com

Vicks and BDT played in week 8, well within the Kennel's lost months, and BDT took advantage 88-76. Now, they'll play again in a semi-final match with a lot more riding on the outcome. Vicks showed back up last week, set their lineup and executed the Nauts' playoff ambitions. BDT has been waiting in the wings to show that they're worthy of #2 seed. It's Milesian-Ephesian action! It's the 267 Lincoln challenge! It's the semi-finals!

Location
267 Lincoln

BDT - The Gerunds have a lot to prove going into week 15. Despite their Milesian title, they're were only the 6th highest scoring team, decidedly average. BDT put up 119 on their bye though -- averaged in, that pulls them up to 98 ppg. They've broken 100 only 6 times, winning five games while scoring fewer than 90 points. In fact, they had the fewest points against of any team in the league this year -- their opponents averaged only 88.8 during the regular season. Still, they've been steadily improving and have one of the higher ceilings in the PSAS. BDT is led by Neck of the Year - PEYTON HILLIS, whose 207 fantasy points make lesser waiver wire pick ups weep bitter tears of envy. Michael Turner is a powerful compliment in the backfield, Colston and Austin at WR, and some good flex options with Felix Jones and recent pick up Owen Daniels. Currently holding three quarterbacks, BDT will have to choose between Kitna against Washington or Garrard against Indy.

Vickskennel.com - The Kennel Klub surprised the Nauts last week in a low scoring affair. They put up 91.2, averaged in, that gives them 95.8 ppg. On paper, this looks like a close match-up. And it should be, but questions remain about this franchises commitment to winning. They spent zero primordial reserve notes this season, and failed to set their line-up several times. That sounds like a team content to hoard for 2011. Vicks has coasted by with the Jets so far, but New York's recent collapse bodes ill. Worse, they'll match up against the Steelers this week. Without the go-go Jets titrating - Vicks will again be Rivers and Rice and pray for rain. Somebody will have to step up if they're going to hang with a BDT-good-day. Is it Forte on the frozen Gopher Field in Minnesota? Could Stewart put up 200+ yards on Arizona's UFL defense? Could Marshal pick up a few TDs against the Bills down in Miami? 1 to 3 of these things need to happen for Vicks to be in this game come Sunday night.

Playoff Preview! #1 Phat Girlz vs. #5 The Pelican Brief

JGPB surprised favored EMP in the wild card game in week 14. Phat Girlz have been drinking Chicken Soup for the Soul by the liter. Now they'll meet for the 2nd time in week 15. PG took the first go round in week 11, 144-117. The Girlz will have to put Mr. Grisham to bed again though, if they want to advance in this cut-throat tournament. It's a clash of Titans! A 2nd shot for the Eleatics to put down the pesky Milesian rebels! It's Amateur Night at the Apollo! It's PSAS semi-finals ACTION!

Location: Apollo Theater, Harlem

Phat Girlz - The Girlz are the #1 seed and they look it. During the bye week their team put up 141 points, the acme of week 14. If you throw that into their regular season average that gives them 110 ppg. The Girlz have only dipped below 90 points three times this season, and each time they paid for it. The Girlz are led by two top flight stars in MJD and Roddy White. But Moreno and Bradshaw are significant to beastly threats as well. Throw in Pittsburg's #1 defense (+ two Pitt IDP) and Akers at kicker and you've got a pretty well-rounded scoring machine. Weaknesses at tight end and QB are usually non factors, but both PG's QBs have bad match-ups this week. So JGPB fans can take that for cold comfort. Vegas says that it's the Girlz game to lose, but don't expect them to run away with it.

The Pelican Brief - The Pelicans brought down the league's titanic overachiever EMP last weekend, but if they want into the medal round they'll have to fell another giant in week 15. The Brief put up 104 on EMP, bringing their season average to 100.4. They've been over 100 for the past four weeks, but do they have enough bench strength to pull this one out? With Rogers a big ? at QB after suffering his 2nd concussion of the season, their ceiling may be lower than usual. They'll look to supreme wideouts Waye and Jackson to keep them solvent through the crisis. Tolbert and the law firm may have to step up their game as well on the ground is to hang with the Big Girlz. With Gates potentially shut down for the season, the outlook is grim indeed for the Grisham-ites (then again, most people counted them out last week). Polamalu came up big last Sunday, but now the Pelicans face a reality where any highlights he garners will be reflected in their opponents D/ST. With cash reserves tapped and injuries mounting, is this the end of the line? Or will thunderous applause finally drown out the h8trs?

Pro-Pequeno Militias Suspected in Minnesota Dome Collapse

A roof tear in the Mall of America Field at the Hupert H. Humprey Metrodome that was originally blamed on heavy snow is now being investigated as a possible instance of domestic terrorism by militias loyal to former commisioner Pequeno, the office of the commissioner reports. As previously warned in a series of twitter mafia posts, threatened violence against the league by middle American extremists has manifested itself. A flag depicting the symbol of states rights resistance to centralized authority was reportedly found on the roof by workers attempting to clear the snow. The Metrodome has long been a symbol of the progressive state of Minnesota politics, and at the same time a lighting rod for conspiracy theories about it's potential relation to authoritarian ideology. The former and current commissioner have been at odds for weeks over a series of disagreements, constituting a mounting constitutional crisis. The current commisioner has thus far resisted calls from within his own party to use emmergency powers granted in the Sedition Acts of 1917 to muzzle Pequeno supporters. In addition to the flag, unconfirmed reports have surfaced of graffiti reading "VIVA MUSCHAMP!" The roof last collapsed in 2007 during a Minnesota Twins game, in the lead-up to the Democratic Primaries. This news comes close on the heels of persistant rumors that transhuman experiment Rex Grossman may have again escaped his handlers and is in fact on his way to Washington as this article is being typed. Keep tuned into the PSAS blog as we monitor this deteriorating situation throughout the day...

Consolation Preview - #10 The Thanatoids vs. #11 Skins All the Way

The two lowest scoring squads in the PSAS met recently in Week 10, and bizarrely, it was not that low-scoring of an affair. Both teams finished at 4-9 in the face of unprecedented levels of depth throughout the league. Still both have reasons to be positive in the face of their minimal achievements. Skins are an expansion team - and one to whom nobody gave much attention, until they rattled off three victories against the Ephesian school, and topped their season off with hard fought win against the Ferries. The 'Toids have managed to salvage a season marred by a ridiculous draft strategy and taking over the commissioner's duties, and actually pulled out a few wins. Now they must battle for much needed draft seeding, winning might be the difference between another losing season and next year's most improved team.

Location:
HAARP Facility

The Thanatoids - The Deadish Ones averaged 87.5 points per game. That's not going to get the job done, especially when your opponents average 109 ppg. Looking at their schedule in the pre-season you might have known they'd have a hard time, playing EMP and JGPB twice each. But there's no complaining on this squad. They didn't get the job, done, period. The 'Toids scored over 90 only 5 times this season. Their attachment to their original draft strategy has meant that they have an extremely low ceiling, but they reach it rather consistently, and they've beaten 4 out of the 5 other consolation squads so they're not a bad sleeper pick in this tourney. The Deadish Ones are led by Drew Brees at QB, who couldn't single-handedly will them into the playoffs like last year, but is still the 2nd most titrated QB in the league. Steven Jackson at RB is the only other top flight pick on the squad, but team hopes are high for recent acquisition Sidney Rice at wideout. Much speculation has swirled around injured RB Ryan Torain (traded from EMP early in the season) who may be a surprise start on Sunday. Torian's only big game coincided with the 'Toid's highest score, if he's back they could be a legitimate contender in the Consolation.

Skins All the Way - The Skins averaged only 75.1 ppg this year. How, you might ask, did they win any games with a point average like that? By being incredibly erratic, that's how. Although the Skins never broke 100, they ranged between 99.8 and a league low score of 45.2 against BDT. Additionally, their opponents only averaged only 91.1 ppg, good for 4th lowest in the league (every team with lower points against made the playoffs). In one of those strange statistical anomalies, nobody even broke 110 against the Skins. The Skins are led by an NFC East RB tandem of McCoy and Jacobs, both of whom should get quality looks this weekend. Josh Freeman is at QB with a decent match-up against a bend-but-don't-break Saints D. Larry Fitzgerald and Hightower are the two big variables here - the Cardinals offense is about as erratic as the Skins. If they show up, the Skins will be in it to win it. It's important to remember that as an expansion team the Skins drafted last this year. At the very least they'll draft 6th this year, and with a keeper league they can start building a better team. Every win here is just more icing on the cake.

Consolation Preview - #9 Grossman Sachs vs. #12 SanFranciscoFerries

These two matched up for a close one in Week 8, and this one figures to be no different as they fight for pride and draft seeding. Grossman Sachs took the first match-up by a 2.4 point margin, which was indicative of the Ferries lost season, but it's a clean slate in the Consolation Tourney. The Heartbreak Kids have had some other body parts broken, over the course of the season, and now they'll look to stay alive long enough to get some of those walking wounded back into titrating shape. The Sachs came within a few yards of a playoff spot, nearly upsetting EMP in the week 13. But they'll need to install some new bioware if they want to honor the Eleatic league with a consolation victory here.

Location: Bohemian Grove

Grossman Sachs - The Sachs averaged 97.2 points per game, but dropped their last four to get knocked out of playoff contention. That's somewhat misleading, since the Sachs broke 100 in 3 out of 4 of those games But finishing with three playoff squads proved too tough for the Bankers, and here they may need some Matrix ponytail plugins to push into the 2nd round . The Sachs are led by titration sensation Michael Vick at QB and their scoring potential is largely largely tied to his performance in Dallas this week. Behind that they have consistent titrators in the TO Show, Welker, Mendenhall and Lewis. Other than those it's a mixed bag of injuries, handcuffs and rookies for the Sachs. The Bankers broke 120 pts only once this season, despite breaking 100 7 times. Before Vick was starting their ceiling hovered in the high 80s. They're the most consistent team in the consolation tournament, but they're not unbeatable any given Sunday. In a close game, Bears' kicker Gould could make the difference, since he regularly attempts 1-2 kicks over 40 yards per game.

SanFranciscoFerries - The Ferries averaged 97.6 points per game, good for fifth best in the league, but finished in 12th place. You do the math. There' s a lot of luck, week in and week out in this league. And the Ferries arguably got the worst end of it. Some of that luck was with injuries, Pierre Thomas and Joseph Addai have sat on this team's bench, long enough to gain New York residency. With them consistently in play, Ferries are a playoff team. A week 6 tie against the Sith made things even more mathematically difficult. But just because this team slipped into the subconscious of the league in the 2nd half, doesn't mean they can't be a nightmare to deal with. Thomas is reportedly back and that could turn the tables here. The San Francisco Treats are led by warhorse Peyton Manning at QB and his partner in crime Garcon at WR, Andre Johnson fills out the wide spots. Fred Jackson holds down one of the RB slots admirably, but a Ricky Williams isn't a serious RB2. Green Bay's Defense could make the difference with a favorable match-up against the Lions, giving the team a chance to score over 100 for the first time since week 6.

'Toids Owner Throws Down Gauntlet, Challenges Torain to Return Book He Borrowed

Gloves seem to be piling up around the feet of hamstrung Redskins RB Ryan Torain.  Only days after he was challenged by Head Coach Mike Shanahan to return to the playing field, The Thanatoids' owner has challenged the back to return a book he borrowed several months ago.  The book in question, a first edition paperback of Donald Barthelme's The Amateurs, a collection of the American author's short fiction, is believed to have been borrowed by Torain at a team party sometime in September of this year.  A spokesman for the 'Toids organization said "Seriously, the book is like 150 pages long.  Ryan's a smart guy and the doctors tell us that everything's fine.  So, yeah, we expect him to be able to read and return literature in a timely manner to the team library. Continued the spokesman, "I mean, come on, it's not like we're asking him to play football or anything..."