AEthernauts spokesman announces plan to eliminate Robert Mathis, Duke Ihenacho, Stevie Johnson from existence

Steve Smith to travel through wormhole on mission to wipe alleged perpetrators of Week 7 loss from spacetime continuum

(Reuters) - Speaking high above Chicago at company headquarters in Souvlaki Space Station, AEthernauts spokesman L. Mortimer Bland announced on Thursday that the celestial-themed franchise had opted to send one of its employees back in time to "prevent" Robert Mathis, Duke Ihenacho, and Stevie Johnson, in a swift and decisive--if not necessarily coherent--attempt to reverse the 'Nauts' "damnable and confounding" loss to the Goslings after 4.4 points were added to the latter team's score as a result of a Thursday stat correction to their Week 7 contest.

Bland stated that Steve Smith, the AEthernauts' number 1 receiver, would be sent on a mission through time to eliminate the individuals who, in view of management, were directly or indirectly responsible for Thursday's stinging loss.

"This was a pivotal midseason game with enormous implications for the playoff picture," said Bland. "We can't let a little thing like the integrity of the spacetime continuum stand in the way of our franchise's goals. Stevie Johnson already let that cow out of the barn anyway."

Inside AEthernauts headquarters

When pressed on why the franchise would risk sending its best wide receiver on a dangerous mission that could potentially alter the course of history, warp the fabric of spacetime, and violently rend the molecular bonds responsible for maintaining the physical integrity of Mr. Smith's very being, Mr. Bland responded, "It's a little known fact about Steve that his body is made of liquid metal. And he's a highly trained professional. He submitted this clip as his resume:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XKhRx3udxk

"Besides, he hasn't been that great this year. ... Actually, don't print that."