In advance of this weekend's matchup with the Dijonnaise All-stars, scouts within the Phat Girlz camp revealed shocking evidence Friday linking Chinese Shadow Management interests to the expansion franchise.
Owners across the league were stunned that after Team Mustard's strong 2-0 start, the commissioner brokered a blockbuster trade deal with Arian Foster that seemed to grant most-favored franchise status to the boys in yellow.
Unconfirmed Phat Girlz sources revealed this basically accurate photo Friday, which suggests Chinese influence in the upstart Mustards, representing a shadowy character from the People's Republic's meddling role in the new franchise's great leap forward.
At a hastily-called press conference Friday, Monique was philosophical. "I don't know sh*t about the People's Liberation Army or Operation Aurora or how those Chinese b*tches stay so skinny so stop asking me that, baby. All I know about China is that those motherf*ckers can make enough sweet and sour pork in ten minutes to feed my fat *ss any time I want it." Monique continued: "But why the f*ck the commissioner would trade Arian Foster for some rookie whose team thinks Katy Perry is pump-up music, well that's some f*cked up sh*t. Now I have to play against that motherf*cker again after I already beat his *ss in week 2 and you know I don't have time for that sh*t while Ben Tate sits his *ss on my bench taking up space when you know my fat *ss needs all the space I can get."
The Mustards - suddenly seeming more French's than Grey Poupon - were unavailable for comment, but this recent photo seems to speak for itself. As for the commissioner, his relationship to shady Chinese interests remains a topic requiring further investigation.
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