Week 8 Previews with Sun Tzu

Quote of the week: “When you embarrass people, you rub it in their face. When your dog pees on the carpet, you rub it in his face” –Steve Smith, Carolina Panthers

Week 7 took a crazy turn on Thursday when the c0rr3ct1on g0dz awarded the Goslings their much needed third win of the season, robbing the AEthernauts a victory in the process.  Regardless, scheduling g0dz are unforgiving and week 8 is upon us, marking the arrival of high tide of this bye season.  For the next two weeks, we’ll have six teams each on bye, testing the extent of team’s bench depth.  This week HOU, SD, CHI, BLT, TN and IND are all off, making elite players such as Forte, Foster, Rice, Luck, and Marshall all unavailable.  We also saw major wave of injuries (some season-ending kind also) hit the player pool.  Some teams started their scrambling early last week, and the juggling continued in the inflated market this week.  Such is the time to remember Master’s teachings: swift as the wind, silent as a forest, fierce as fire, immovable as mountain.  Then come December women folks will keep showing you them batty-riders, in your face.

(1) Polk High Panthers (6-1) vs (8) GrossmanSachs (3-4)

The godb4nk gets in the way of Millie’s college fund this week in a high-interest match up.

If there were any doubters out there, they are probably convinced of the mightiness of these Panthers after the Bundys toppled the Mountain in week 7.  They have the sole possession of the league leader spot.  Ryan and T-Gonz have yet to rekindle their pre-bye connection, but the ATL QB didn’t show any sign of missing his top receivers Julio and Roddy, lacking up 22+ pts. The two-headed receiving monster that is AJ-Megatron is at full blast, combining for over 50 pts.  With no depth at RB, Bundy desperately needs limping F-Jax to suit up and play.  Still with as formidable an aerial attack as this one, effect of lacking a ground game should be minimal.  Barring injury (kow), the Mighty Panthers look unstoppable.

Two weeks ago, the Master talked about what the commish needed to record a win was a little luck.  That’s what happened in week 7, when the bankerz notched a win over Poupon despite failing to crack 100 for the second week in a row.  The continued lack of production from the banker talent pool is a concern, but as Herm sayz in them commercials, you play to win the game.  Hello?  Commish should take a sigh of relief and then move on, as problems amount for his troops.  The godb4nk’s low-balling is coinciding with that of AP’s, and that is no coincidence.  But, while losing a child is the most painful thing imaginable to go through period, this is fantasy football.  The players don’t care about us, so we don’t care about them.  Chicago and SD bye this week also puts a heavy dent on their passing attack with Jeffery and Gates sitting out.  Percy may come back this week but with Seattle playing in a late-afternoon game on Sunday he can’t be trusted.  Counter-titrating AP’s running lanes with GB defense is a good hedge, but as such it also creates an upside limitation that, maybe, the bankerz can’t overcome against the top-ranked Bundys. 

-PHP -6.5

(2) Tusken Raiders (5-2) vs (6) TakingTigerMountain (4-3)

 Team with three-game winning streak meets team with three-game losing streak.  Will the streak continue or end here?

The Sand People of Tatooine tamed the girlz with the second highest scoring of week 7, and in scoring 140 plus the Raiders now lead the league in total scoring.  Since their week 1 loss, the Raiders have not dipped below 110 and are one of the hottest teams of PSAS right now with a three-game winning streak.  RGIII finally showed some flashes last week and hopes to continue the trend this week against a suddenly susceptible Denver defense.  Charles continues to be healthy and make defenses miss tackles.  Woodhead, Cameron and Hopkins all compensated for low-balling receivers especially D-Jax last week, and any time two IDPs score in double digits that’s a bonus.  In week 8, Houston and SD bye is hitting Tatooine hard, with Woodhead and Hopkins unavailable.  With two players on their roster on IR (Bradford and Julio), they are going to have to sacrifice the hand-cuffs to the g0dz and hope some talents are left in the free agent pool this week just to fill up the roster.  Against the Mountain in bounce-back desperation, this is going to be the toughest challenge yet for the Tusken’s Banthas. 

Danielsan’s Dojo (lolz) is looking like the pre-Halloween pre-wax-on-wax-off days, with the Mountain dropping three straight now after opening the season with a four straight win.  Last week against ATL top-rankin’, the Mountain failed to crack triple digits for the first time.  This tiger needs advice from Mr Miyagi before the Sand People in Cobra-kai dogi swallow them up.  Last week, filling the gap created by NO bye was too much to overcome, especially for a one-week wonder such as Foles.  The Mountain is happy to have Brees and Co back.  Jimmy Graham’s status for this week is unclear, and we know that TTM needs Brees-Graham connection to notch that W.  Spiller’s injury is not helping the case here at all.  Mathews is finally on a barge of attaining elite RB status with two straight strong showings, but he’s on a bye this week.  The Mountain is banking on rookie RB James in Tampa to carry their water through the Tatooine desert, but remember he’s a rookie plus TB never ran the ball well this year even with a healthy Doug Martin so this is a tall order.  Still If Brees and the receivers can produce, the Mountain has a chance to stop the bleeding from the wound and topple the injured Raiders of Tatooine. 

-TTM -6.5

(3) Trichotillomaniacs (4-3) vs (10) SanFranciscoFerries (3-4)

Two teams with lightning bolts go head to head in this matchup between two of the hottest teams of PSAS.  Both teams are boasting three-game winning streak, and one of them will taste the first defeat of October here.  Kap-Wilson rivalry is at play here as well.

The Trichs plucked the feathers out of the Pelican last week in demolishing the Legal Thrillers by 80-plus pts.  Their 156.60 pts marked the second week in a row that the Far East side was the highest scoring team of the week and was the highest scoring output of 2013 season in the league.  With Kap, Decker, Gore and Carolina D, they had players score over twenty pts in all phases of the game.  In week 8, Vick looks like he’s making a comeback, but with Kap playing well and facing the Jaguars in an offense-friendly London game he reverts back to the backup spot.  The mid-season addition receiver corp of Marshall and Allen is on bye this week, so Anquan Boldin makes it to the lineup for the return of SF triple titration, fittingly against SFF.  The hair-pullers have a true bye-week challenge next week with both 49ers and Broncos (and even MJD’s Jax) on bye, but they can’t be overlooking the tough Boatmen this week to avoid hiccups.

The SF Boatmen wrecked BDT and has now won three in a row after dropping four straight to open the season.  Gronk finally made it to the field and contributed averagely for his standard.  His production will only increase.  The Ferries might have found a gem in Harry Douglas, who’s quickly emerging as Matt Ryan’s favorite target.  The backfield quartet of Bush, Morris, Moreno and Lacy is the best of the league and will continue to row the boat for the Ferries.  With SD on bye this week, but no scrambling has to be done in the Bay as Russel Wilson will step right in for a fill-in for Rivers.  The Boatmen have all the pieces necessarily to make the push for playoffs in the second half of the season.  The red hot hair pullers are a true test of character.

-Trix -2.5

 (t-4) ThePelicanBrief (4-3) vs (t-11) HomeSpunNeckBloodz (4-3)

Two struggling teams above .500 face each other to stay afloat.  The winner gets right back in the in-crowd, while the loser will continue to sink into mediocrity.

The reign of Pelican was short-lived atop the rankingz.  The Legal Thrillers were annihilated by the insurgent Trichs big time and face a mountain of questions.  The biggest concern here is the lack of elite production by Tom Brady, as he scored less than 5 pts for the second time in three weeks even with the return of TE Gronk “I Haven’t Killed Nobody Yet.”  TB 12 (I’m about to puke) has uncharacteristically not cracked 20 pts this season, and will face tough defenses of Miami and Pittsburg before his week 10 bye.  While the likes of Welker, Vernon Davis and Seattle D will continue to put up their shares of points, the Grishamites’ roster is otherwise full of inconsistency.  The Pelican can’t afford to have both Brady and CJ?K join this bunch if they want to climb back atop the rankingz.

The Bloodz’ lyfestyle treatment last week was bitter sweet, as they lost Jay Cutler.  Forte and V-Jax as well as SD defense against Jax all b34sted, but Mr Eighty-Seven was a pretty expensive goose-egg.  This week Forte and Andre Johnson are on bye and $87 is still questionable to play.  Adding to insult is that Peyton Hillis will start for the Brief.  The QB fill-in here is Palmer behind abysmal Arizona offensive line that can’t give him any protection or produce Mendenhall much running lanes.  When you have to rely on Arizona Cardinals not named Fitz, the Master shakes his head and look down at the ground.      

-PB -3.5

(t-4) AEthernauts (4-3 3-4) vs (9) Phat Girlz (3-4)

After a surprise Thursday recalculation, these two teams sit just below .500, looking in from the outside of PSAS elites.  The winner here gets back in the hunt for the playoffs, the loser will look forward to midnight madness and Coach K’s rosy cheeks.

The space travelers are this year’s first victim of c0rr3ct1on g0dz, and this one hurt especially after they thought they squeaked by and managed a win in DeMarco’s absence.  They paid premium on Murray’s handcuff Randle and he filled in admirably, while Jacquizz in ATL got to the endzone twice to give the Big Sky a nice lift.  Newton connected with Smith but otherwise was once again rather quiet, though must say Smith’s comment about dog pee was the best trash talk response the Master has heard in quite a while.  LynchMob is still a b34st in Seattle.  They did miss Colston at receiver, and if anything the kicker scoring only one PAT scratched the W for the Nauts.  The travelers will be happy to have Colston back, but may miss Bennett’s production for this week’s bye and in the coming month when Chi-town will be without Cutler Canon Arms.  DeMarco may make a comeback, and either he or Randle will shred through Detroit defense.  Still this is Cam’s team, so the Panther double-titration on Thursday night will set the tone for the rest of the weekend.

Monique and the girlz avoided being placed in the Toyota Blowout ad, but the week 7 defeat to the Sand People by 55+ pts was an embarrassment nonetheless (dog pee in your face).  Stafford kept Megatron and company fed and is a legitimate elite fantasy QB now, but other than that the only double digits Monique got were by IDP Sean Lee and kicker Prater.  In Sprole’s absence, both Tate and Miller underperformed (or performed to their abilities depends on how you look at it).  The receivers didn’t fare much better either.  In fact, no one got in the endzone for Monique, and that’s a primary concern here.  With Sprole returning from bye and Shorts healing quickly, the TD drought for the girlz is likely to end.  Denver D is going to be involved in a shootout week in and week out, and with RGIII in town Garcon counter-titration could limit the upside.  Monique’s girlz have alternated between loss and win so far this season, so the good news is it’s the W’s turn this week.  We’ll see if the trend continues.

-Nauts even

(7) Dijonnaise All-Stars (4-3) vs (t-11) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng (3-4)

Batty Rider

Both franchises are looking for the spark to put them back in the contention.  This one is an interesting titration match all around, with A-Rodg throwing to Boykin, Tolbert vulturing DeAngelo. 

The Colonel’s troops were less than stellar in week 7 defeat to the bankerz.  Once-feared group of receivers all scored less than five, and Arian Foster got injured.  A-Rodg didn’t show a sign of missing his receivers, but he can’t do discount double-check move all by himself (or he can).  Tolbert is a full-time vulture, but as such he doesn’t provide much unless he spots a road-kill in Charlotte, plus Stewart’s possible return soon will enhance his inconsistency.  This week Foster will be nursing the legs during Houston bye and double-titration candidate James Jones is doubtful to play, so the Mustards cannot afford to have Fitz and Cruz score in the single digits against BDT’s fearful Dallas titration.

The Chico Boys were victimized by the red hot Ferries in week 7 and dropped to under .500 for the first time this season.  Dallas Philly game was a shut-out for a while rather than a shootout it was supposed to be, and although Romo came out victorious with good game-management mode, it didn’t help the bandits.  What really hurt the most in last week’s defeat was the loss of Finley, especially with BDT facing A-Rodg in Mustard Yellow this week.  At least Hermodorus picked up Boykin to keep the counter-titration effect in place, but the team has a gaping hole at tight end.  Struggling Rice is on bye this week and the philosophers hope he’ll come back refreshed in week 9.  DeAngelo keeps getting goal-line carries vulture by Tolbert, and Bolden is injured so the backfield is pretty thin this week.  Hermodorus desperately needs Romo-Dez to have a bang in a must win game.

-DAS -2.5

(13) The Goslings (2-5 3-4) vs (14) Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz® (0-7)

The bottom feeders bowl got slightly less interesting with the baby birds picking up a last-minuet recalculation win on Thursday.  The Gos-birds’ turn for a relaxing stylz treatment this week.

The expansion birds must be feeling lucky after the c0rr3ct1on g0dz smiled for them and awarded them the week 7 win.  Luck had an induction-into-elite-status game against his predecessor Peyton with a 30+ pts performance.  Nelson is benefitting from all other GB receivers getting injured.  Shady McCoy didn’t meet the shootout expectation and was contained against Dallas, but Le’Veon Bell is emerging as a stud in Steel City.  The birds lost Reggie Wayne for the season, so the Indy double-titration is gone just as Luck is emerging as a fantasy star.  Bilal Powell quizzically lost almost all touches to Ivory, so Bell will move up to RB2 spot and one of WR3’s on their roster will rotate at flex presumably.  If there’s any trial-and-error week in PSAS 2013 it’s the week that any team plays the Stylez, so this is the right time to test out the waters.

It doesn’t look like anyone is motivated to even be on the field for the stylez now.  Five players on their current starting lineup are on bye, and Doug Martin is out in TB.  Too bad because some of the handcuffs on their bench are pretty valuable for other owners.  The rest of the league will just have to come up with a collection plan for the entry fee this year. 

-Goslings -27