PSAS Open Forum #occupyPR
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
SF Ferries 1. Andre Johnson 2. Peyton Manning Revenge of the Sith 1. Chris Johnson 2. Tom Brady Vixkennel 1. Ray Rice 2. Philip Rivers Int'l Necronauts 1. Adrian Peterson 2. Calvin Johnson Grossman Sachs 1. Mike Vick 2. Rashard Mendenhall Phat Girlz 1. MJD 2. Roddy White Skins All the Way 1. LeSean McCoy 2. Larry Fitzgerald tPB 1. Aaron Rogers 2. Reggie Wayne Trichotillo 1. Frank Gore 2. Hakeem Nicks * el mundo 1. Jamaal Charles 2. Arian Foster * already announced at National Signing Day press conference Thanatoids 1. Drew Brees 2. Steven Jackson BDT 1. Tony Romo 2. Miles Austin
Saturday, April 2, 2011
GrossmanSachs' initial offer of Zimbabwean currency (a tactic first used by Bu1ld1ngDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng in last year's football season, in order to pay off massive debts from Peyton Hillis's insatiable Pachinko habit) was rejected by Wright with the Twitter post: "Zmbwe$? N-O SCUM! Pnutz wrth mre!" GrossmanSachs responded with their own tweet from CEO Rex Grossman: "LCKMYBALZ DW! $=$ F-IT... I going d33p!"
While Grossman's cryptic response puzzled many, insiders at GrossmanSachs knew he meant he's going deep into the Scum Detector, where he'll be "locked in" trying to assess David Wright's Scum Quotient.
The Scum Detector has only become operational in the past week, due to several delays from internal saboteurs (most suspect Prescott Bush IV and Medussa Rothschild). In the past week, Grossman has outed several board members of GrossmanSachs and most owners in the PSAS league as high-grade scum. "Look at the standings," Grossman noted, while eating three chic-fil-A sandwiches stacked atop each other. "SF Ferries?! They've been chemtrailing our practice facility for months. BDT, c'mon, do I really need to go into specifics? Codex Magica, okay, the dog seems alright to me, but gimme a break, if scum were measured in feet they'd be Everest, m'kay? Oh, and also TBD is a gator fan, which is cool for me and all, but that made the Scum Detector nearly blow up from such high levels."
Grossman did not like what he saw when he looked closer into Wright's background from inside the Scum Detector. "Um, well, first off, he dates hot chicks, that's strike one right there. Know who else dated hot chicks? Me, in college, when I was gator scum. Number two, and this is harder to prove unless you have the omnipotent eye of the detector, he and Jose Reyes have been running drugs OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Are you kidding me? We could smoke/shoot/drop those! And number three, I'm pretty sure he killed Mark Madoff in order to cover up his own role in the money laundering operation. So, would I give him any of our own Gold and Time backed Bankerbucks? Absolutely not, but I will give him some BSPSAS reserve currency or some of this fiat toilet paper I've been wiping my ass with for the past seven hours."
Wright immediately responded with the following tweet: "if thy pay PSAS$, I'll SCK EVN MRE THN NOW!!!" GrossmanSachs has not formally responded to the tweet, but they did change their Corporate Motto from "Dying Right Here is Strictly Prohibited" to "Kalimah Shuk Ta Tey!" which strongly points to Miguel Cabrera sacrificing Wright for the positive vibes it would bring.