PSAS Open Forum #occupyPR

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Sources: HBO, el mundo talk camp series

El mundo pequeno is the leading candidate to be the next team featured on HBO's "Hard Knocks", according to two sources with close knowledge of the negotiations. The hugely popular show has shown NFL teams during trainings camp over the last six summers. The sources said el mundo, HBO producers, and NFL Films, which produces the series, have had talks about this season's version, the first to feature a fantasy football team, as players are currently locked out in a labor dispute. There is no word on how the show will proceed filming a fantasy team as opposed to a real one. However, looking into the mind of a fantasy draft guru in the weeks leading to the fantasy draft is a good bet. Also, motivational speeches on how to lead a primordial existence through fantasy sports in the shadow of das Abendland is likely to be featured. El mundo is seeking attention after a surprising first round exit in the 2011 Playoffs. El mundo's GM is known for his outgoing personality and could be a natural fit following the gregarious and imminently quotable Rex Ryan. Appearing on the show could also help el mundo market young keeper studs like running back Arian Foster and running back Jamaal Charles. El mundo hosts training camp in an Avondale treehouse, their team facility that is located a few blocks from Jacksonville Municipal Stadium.

Projected Keeper Players 2011

The Projected Keeper Players for the 2011 PSAS are:

SF Ferries 1. Andre Johnson 2. Peyton Manning Revenge of the Sith 1. Chris Johnson 2. Tom Brady Vixkennel 1. Ray Rice 2. Philip Rivers Int'l Necronauts 1. Adrian Peterson 2. Calvin Johnson Grossman Sachs 1. Mike Vick 2. Rashard Mendenhall Phat Girlz 1. MJD 2. Roddy White Skins All the Way 1. LeSean McCoy 2. Larry Fitzgerald tPB 1. Aaron Rogers 2. Reggie Wayne Trichotillo 1. Frank Gore 2. Hakeem Nicks * el mundo 1. Jamaal Charles 2. Arian Foster * already announced at National Signing Day press conference Thanatoids 1. Drew Brees 2. Steven Jackson BDT 1. Tony Romo 2. Miles Austin

Saturday, April 2, 2011

David Wright Refuses to Play for PSAS Reserve Currency

Although we are only a couple days into our inaugural PSAS baseball season, GrossmanSachs already finds themselves embroiled in controversy. We knew when we drafted David Wright that we may have some financial issues, as Mr. Wright is currently owed over 360 Billion dollars from his previous franchise, the New York Mets. While Wright's contract would only owe him less than 100 million, apparently he'd been making loans to the Wilpon family for the past 23 years. Now that the Mets-as-money-laundering-operation scheme has been exposed, the Wilpons would only trade Wright if the new owner would assume their enormous debt to the third baseman.

GrossmanSachs' initial offer of Zimbabwean currency (a tactic first used by
Bu1ld1ngDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng in last year's football season, in order to pay off massive debts from Peyton Hillis's insatiable Pachinko habit) was rejected by Wright with the Twitter post: "Zmbwe$? N-O SCUM! Pnutz wrth mre!" GrossmanSachs responded with their own tweet from CEO Rex Grossman: "LCKMYBALZ DW! $=$ F-IT... I going d33p!"

Security camera footage reveals Peyton Hillis celebrating his projected Keeper-Status by losing 45 Billion American Dollars in three hours in Cleveland's Little Tokyo District

While Grossman's cryptic response puzzled many, insiders at GrossmanSachs knew he meant he's going deep into the Scum Detector, where he'll be "locked in" trying to assess David Wright's Scum Quotient.

The Scum Detector was fairly easy for Grossman to build, after cutting his teeth building the particle supercollider last year

The Scum Detector has only become operational in the past week, due to several delays from internal saboteurs (most suspect Prescott Bush IV and Medussa Rothschild). In the past week, Grossman has outed several board members of GrossmanSachs and most owners in the PSAS league as high-grade scum. "Look at the standings," Grossman noted, while eating three chic-fil-A sandwiches stacked atop each other. "SF Ferries?! They've been chemtrailing our practice facility for months. BDT, c'mon, do I really need to go into specifics? Codex Magica, okay, the dog seems alright to me, but gimme a break, if scum were measured in feet they'd be Everest, m'kay? Oh, and also TBD is a gator fan, which is cool for me and all, but that made the Scum Detector nearly blow up from such high levels."

Grossman did not like what he saw when he looked closer into Wright's background from inside the Scum Detector. "Um, well, first off, he dates hot chic
ks, that's strike one right there. Know who else dated hot chicks? Me, in college, when I was gator scum. Number two, and this is harder to prove unless you have the omnipotent eye of the detector, he and Jose Reyes have been running drugs OUT OF THE COUNTRY. Are you kidding me? We could smoke/shoot/drop those! And number three, I'm pretty sure he killed Mark Madoff in order to cover up his own role in the money laundering operation. So, would I give him any of our own Gold and Time backed Bankerbucks? Absolutely not, but I will give him some BSPSAS reserve currency or some of this fiat toilet paper I've been wiping my ass with for the past seven hours."

Rex Grossman goes through 17 rolls of fiat currency per day

Wright immediately responded with the following tweet: "if thy pay PSAS$, I'll SCK EVN MRE THN NOW!!!" GrossmanSachs has not formally responded to the tweet, but they did change their Corporate Motto from "Dying Right Here is Strictly Prohibited" to "Kalimah Shuk Ta Tey!" which strongly points to Miguel Cabrera sacrificing Wright for the positive vibes it would bring.