PSAS Open Forum #occupyPR
Friday, December 31, 2010
"First, I'd like to thank the one true God, whose name shall remain unspoken as well as my lord and savior, son of the Almighty, Jesus Christ."
"Now, I'd like to thank all those fans who supported me through the dark hours of trial and tribulation. We did it! When they doubted us you still believed. When they claimed we weren't invested you still believed. And when those with hate-filled hearts called for our banishment your steadfast belief was what prevailed. It was that unwavering faith that fortified our perseverance, leaving redemption as the only acceptable conclusion to a year marred by scandal and upheaval. Thank you."
"That is why it is with my fans in mind that I have decided to change my name. Henceforth we shall no longer be referred to as the corporate profiteering Vixkennel.com, but as the venerable Vixkennel.org. Yes, the Kennel applied for and received 501(c)3 status as a charitable organization. And it is with great relief that at the time of this announcement I can finally reveal the reason for our frugal spending this year. Half of the Kennel's unused Primordial Reserve notes from will be put to exclusive use on humanitarian endeavors. We've learned that there are issues far more important than the day-to-day titrations of fantasy football or dogfighting."
"The first order of (not for profit) business in the "dot-org" era will be expansion into the emerging markets with kennels opening up in select regions of Central and Western Africa. At these state-of-the-art facilities trained healthcare providers will work around the clock to administer VixVaxines to them little starving naked children. We all know children are our future and what better place to foster our future than in the cradle of our past. Once this pilot program has taken off we have been promised matching funds from the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation to open kennels in Southeast Asia as well as India and Pakistan."
"Eradicating human population, er, the pestilence that afflicts the human population is our number one goal for the offseason. That is why along with our worldwide circumcision initiative the VixVaxine program is of the utmost importance."
"In today's global village responsibility falls on all members of the community. Isolationism is no longer an option. We've come to realize that wasting electricity to kill useless dogs leads to extremely harmful CO2 emissions. From this day forward we will cease to endanger our Mother Earth when a dog tucks tail and pisses itself, but we shall give back by burying the scrawny mutt alive. This most carbon efficient method allows us to save our own energy while replenishing the soil with vital nutrients."
"To ring in the new year won't you please join us in a new era of giving. You can start as soon as now by purchasing a pair of these plush VixCarbonFootprint Slippers. Since trading in our com for an org all purchases are tax deductible and every penny (less operating costs) will go to the betterment of mankind... What? I was told that if it's not for profit I could make all the promotional statements I wanted... Well, you need to speak to my lawyer then."
"I apologize for that. It appears that there are still those out there who wish to sully our good name. Haven't we been through enough? I've repaid my debt to society and learned that the biggest rewards come not from personal gain, but from serving the greater good. The idea that I am somehow part of any nefarious organization, to me, is ludicrous. To all those who would support me I leave you with these words of caution. The stinging bite of defeat is one left by a fork-tongued and venom-filled mouth. Venom that seeps into a man's soul and warps it to darkness. To all those who question my sanctity I would like to remind you that I LOVE PUPPIES! Good luck next year! Thank you and God Bless!"
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Reports are now circulating within the Milesian School that newly crowned PSAS Champion Vickskennel.com may actually be a crypto neo-Zionist front organization hellbent on ensuring that the ‘meek ’ inherit the PSAS for future seasons. The reports indicate that limping into the Playoffs at a substandard losing record (6-7) was in fact a ruse for the Kennel to identify themselves as the king of the lowly PSAS underclass, only to morph into a half-man/half-god juggernaut at just the right time to defeat the shocked and dismayed entrenched ruling elites. The Kennel’s ascension to godlike status was met with immense jubilation by their fans who felt vindicated for believing that everlasting faith could lead them to the Promised Land even when things looked at their worst. Beyond the physical resemblance, the hidden narrative obviously mimics the story of Jesus, the peasant son of a carpenter who rose to stardom by defeating local gentile rulers through a series of deft drafting (Matthew, Mark, Luke) and FA acquisitions (Mary Magdalene). Likewise, Vickskennel.com came from meager beginnings, namely being the lamest PSAS team of all time through their much-publicized apathy, before turning water into wine by defeating the powerful Int’l Necronauts, BldgDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng, and Phat Girlz in consecutive weeks to take the elusive Title. What were once thought to be drunken ramblings or harmless non-sequiturs muttered by the Kennel over the course of the season, are now being interpreted as mystic parables foreshadowing the rise of ‘the forsaken ones’. For example, striking parallels have appeared between this infamous rant regarding NFL Network Thursday Night games, “You rape the players. You rape the fans. And now because you want to rape the cable companies you get to rape my fantasy football team as a bonus trickle down quickie rape... With Hatred, -Vixkennel.com” and the Pharisee and the Publican parable (Luke 18:9-14):
“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, `God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. I fast twice a week, I give tithes of all that I get.' But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, `God, be merciful to me a sinner!' I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other; for every one who exalts himself will be humbled, but he who humbles himself will be exalted.”
In addition, the Kennel’s statement during their One Shining Moment, “I could go down as the most hated champ in league history. I love it!” is now being seen as a veiled allusion to “Then the scribes and Pharisees who were from Jerusalem came to Jesus, saying, "Why do Your disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread." He answered and said to them, "Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” (Matt 15:1-3).
The Kennel have always postured themselves as League outsiders, but until now their plot to dominate the League had been a closely guarded secret by members of various cults and secret societies. Vickskennel’s plot began to unravel only due to an accident when a random elderly man was overheard murmuring, “You know, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it’s probably, you know . . . ” as Vickskennel was seen eating an all beef hot dog next to two Hasidic men on a cold night in March at Gray’s Papaya near Redd’s Tavern in Manhattan. A classified PSAS investigation soon commenced and quickly uncovered some disturbing details which are only now coming to light, such as the fact that Vickskennel always seems to have an “in” at posh apartments around Brooklyn, such as the one mere blocks away from luminary, Heath Ledger. To wit, it was discovered that the Kennel’s invisible hand had actually brokered the 27 Ten Eyck deal during the brief time in which four PSAS franchises lived with one another. True to form, the other apartment-mates were fed a fairy tale so absurd only gentiles would believe it, namely that the apartment was delivered “fairly” after drawing the One card during a game of UNO!
After months of searching through ancient maps, documents, and directories, the investigation also found that no Diosomukes of Ionia has ever existed on the record. In a disturbing turn, the investigation indicates that Diosomukes may actually be a fake name, gaelic in origin, based on well known Spanish Fort High School superstud offensive line recruit Reese Dismukes, currently committed to Auburn. Is the Kennel a distant relative to former PSAS member Garrett, as has been rumored in small circles for years? That much remains unclear.
However, the very name Vickskennel actually appears to be a hidden reference to the organization’s Zionist endgame strategy in which the Kennel lets the dogs out on the rest of the League. According to Scripture, Dogs are messengers of God in that "dog" specifically and purposefully was selected through divine inspiration to communicate the full measure of God through the context of the 40 Scriptural references or citations in The Bible. Whether Hebrew (kelev), Greek (kuōn), or Aramaic (kalbā),whether literal, metaphorical, or allegorical in syntax, in the context of communicating God's word, dogs are messengers of God. For example:
Deliver my life from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dogs
2 Kings 8:13
Hazael said, "How could your servant, a mere dog, accomplish such a feat?" "The LORD has shown me that you will become king of Aram," answered Elisha.
So Gideon took the men down to the water. There the LORD told him, "Separate those who lap the water with their tongues like a dog from those who kneel down to drink."
1 Samuel 17:43
He said to David, "Am I a dog, that you come at me with sticks?" And the Philistine cursed David by his gods.
What will become of the PSAS now that the League has gone to the dogs and Vickskennel sits at the perch overlooking the rest of the League, what a Kennel insider calls ‘God’s Country’? What will become of us now that dusk has finally descended on the Abendland on this Third and most vexatious of PSAS seasons? On the surface it appears the Kennel’s triumph gives other vapid and mediocre teams hope to achieve immortal success now that their Christ figure has crashed the party. However, things are rarely so simple or easily discernable by common thinking. In truth, Vickskennel’s victory portends a dark future that threatens the very existence of the PSAS and each of its member franchises, one marked by famine, pestilence, and even death.
Those blinded by faith or too consumed by cheap thrills on the waiver wire will surely remain blissfully unaware of what lies in store for the PSAS, but Vickskennel’s victory signifies that the Era of the Great Holy War is now finally upon us, as was predicted long ago. Vickskennel will lead the throngs of the lowest among us against the dominant elite in a series of inquisitions with nothing short of the future political order of the PSAS at stake. The first salvos have already been fired by the Kennel by not spending one penny on Free Agents this season, destablising the entire Primordial Reserve economy. Paying Caesar what’s his, and God the rest, apparently means rebuking the entire financial order of the League so as to plant the seeds of the League’s destruction. This is financial warfare of the highest order, and a concerted plot to deprive the League of its much needed capital influx for future endeavors. Whereas the Primordial Reserve has heretofore employed a quantitative easing program to devalue the currency, and thereby making capital markets for efficient, the Kennel has obstinately employed the opposite strategy, whose trickle-down influence has caused other owners to protect their reserves out of fear. In essence, the Kennel has purposefully created a glut of liquidity, stultifying League initiatives to carry out essential governmental functions. That the Kennel does not recognize the legitimacy of the commissionership, PR Chairman, or the authority of the PSAS as such, is precisely the line that has been drawn in the sand and what threatens us all with dire consequences. Therefore, the time has come, as will be seen in the coming weeks and months, that each member franchise will have to choose whose authority they acknowledge and accept as just. Will League members seek refuge in their own futility by siding with the leader who exalts weakness, parity, and callous disregard for the very paved streets the Kennel trampled on en route to victory, or will the League seek continued illumination of the most primordial of ideas the League has been entrusted to protect? At this point, no one can say for sure as the League teeters precariously in the pincers.
Of course, the next Chapter in this saga has been pre-ordained since the Beginning. Somewhere, some place, there is someone already sharpening the nails that will be used in the Kennel’s Day of Reckoning outside the PSAS city walls near their Zion. There, the Kennel will have to make the lonely walk once again through the Via Dolorosa before meeting their fate high atop the mountain. However, it is not for the League to determine what legacy the Kennel leaves after their surprise PSAS Championship, nor to determine who will surround the Kennel on this Final Day in support. Rather, it is up to each and every one of you to decide whether the Kennel is, in fact, the Messiah, or just another rabble rouser lucky enough to challenge authority and win. Only then, once the words "E'lo-i, E'lo-i, la'ma sabach-tha'ni" are uttered, will we truly know who has forsaken whom.
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
true Hoosier fans, I am deeply sorry and wish to apologize. I realize that
you have not always agreed with what I have done or said. I probably wouldn't agree with all you have said or did either
Greatest game of the Year
a really bad team."
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
"It is not better for men to get all they wish to get."
Good luck to the Vixkennel & PG in the playoffs!
-BDT, Chairman of the Primordial Reserve (Lifetime Appointment)
Monday, December 20, 2010
Phat Girlz - The Girlz came perilously close to ending their season last week, but sneaked out the backdoor into the finals. 86.4 is a pretty low score for this team, as their main motor (MJD) sputtered, their flex fell off the boat entirely, and their team was jointly led by Schaub and Santana Moss. Not exactly the ringing semi-finals endorsement you'd hope for from the #1 seed. It drags their ppg down to 108.4. Still, this team's second trip to the finals is an exciting moment for the league, and there's every reason to think that they'll rebound to take this season from cradle to grave. MJD has a nice match-up against Washington, although the Jags have looked near pitiful on the ground the last two weeks. Roddy White will face a dinged up New Orleans secondary. And if Moreno can get healthy, he'll get plenty of touches against a good look in Houston. S.Moss looked as comfortable with Grossman as with McNabb and could be in for another big one. With the Steelers' D playing the Panthers they could be up for a 20 spot. If Moreno is as questionable as they say, look for PG to go to the well to secure this one. Phat Girlz are still the favorite to win this one, but they'll need to get everyone on the titration bus if they want to take this one downtown.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Phat Girlz management took time out today from preparation for their upcoming semifinal game vs the Pelicans to recognize a recent study that could be relevant to lwoowllwoowl's imminent Bowl Challenge, as well as to their own performance on Sunday.
"I live to inform," said Gabare Sibide, the Girlz' general manager. "Knowledge is power and the ACC and the Big Ten are overrated."
Girlz' coach Mo'Nique is rumored to be utilizing the Bowl Challenge as a fun distraction from the pressure her team will likely experience on Sunday in the rarefied air of being the favorite.
"I don't want us to be tight like a skinny bitch's pussy, baby," she is reported to have said, reflecting on her decision to encourage her team to enjoy some secondary recreation this week.
Girlz management has felt ignored and underappreciated all year despite possessing the strongest corps of running backs the league has ever seen, particularly considering her genius drafting of Knowshon Morreno in the 4th round, anticipating his breakout year and winning smile. Head coach Mo'Nique spent the bye week drawing comparisons between the lack of respect given to the Big East and her Girlz' similar underdog status during an impassioned monologue at last Saturday's "Showtime at the Apollo."
In related news, Mo'Nique was said to be licking her chops following the 5-point performance from the Pelicans' flex on Thursday, as well as the elimination of her two perceived biggest threats in the surprising first round of the playoffs. Still, others pointed to a history of close calls and an "inability to win the big one," expressing skepticism that the Girlz can devour two more opponents.
(study follows - conference bowl records since 1998)
BEST OVERALL BOWL RECORDS
NOTE: The standings are limited to current FBS conferences. The Big West was 3-0 record in bowls from 1998-2000 (Idaho winning the 1998 Humanitarian and Boise State winning the 1999 and 2000 Humanitarian before both schools joined the WAC and the Big West left the FBS).
1. BIG EAST (36-23, .6101)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-2. 1999: 2-2. 2000: 4-1. 2001: 4-1. 2002: 3-2. 2003: 2-3. 2004: 2-3. 2005: 1-3. 2006: 5-0. 2007: 3-2. 2008: 4-2. 2009: 4-2.
Buzz: The Big East benefited in the early part of the BCS era because Miami was one of the nation's dominant programs and Boston College began a string of eight consecutive bowl wins in 2000. Still, the Big East has gone 16-6 in bowl games over the past four seasons even after the exodus of Miami, Boston College and Virginia Tech.
2. MOUNTAIN WEST (25-16, .6097)
Year-by-year record: 1999: 1-2. 2000: 3-0. 2001: 2-1. 2002: 0-3. 2003: 1-2. 2004: 2-1. 2005: 2-2. 2006: 3-1. 2007: 4-1. 2008: 3-2. 2009: 4-1.
Buzz: How close is the Mountain West to taking over the lead? The Big East has a bowl winning percentage of .6101 in the BCS era, while the MWC is at .6097 since launching in 1999. The MWC is 18-8 overall - and 2-1 in BCS games - since the 2004 season, which featured the first of Utah's two perfect seasons.
3. SEC (56-39, .589)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 4-4. 1999: 4-4. 2000: 4-5. 2001: 5-3. 2002: 3-4. 2003: 5-2. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 3-3. 2006: 6-3. 2007: 7-2. 2008: 6-2. 2009: 6-4.
Buzz: The SEC struggled in the postseason during the early part of the BCS era, but it has been dominant across the entire bowl spectrum during its current run of four consecutive national championships. The SEC is 25-11 in bowl games over the past four years and hasn't posted a losing bowl record since 2002.
4. BIG 12 (45-45, .500)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 3-4. 1999: 3-3. 2000: 4-3. 2001: 3-5. 2002: 5-3. 2003: 2-6. 2004: 4-3. 2005: 5-3. 2006: 3-5. 2007: 5-3. 2008: 4-3. 2009: 4-4.
Buzz: While other conferences have endured plenty of peaks and valleys in their recent bowl history, the Big 12 has been remarkably steady. The Big 12's 2-6 record in 2003 - including losses in the Fiesta and Sugar - marked the only time in the BCS era the league has been more than two games above or below .500 in a given postseason.
5. PAC-10 (33-34, .493)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-4. 1999: 1-4. 2000: 3-2. 2001: 2-3. 2002: 2-5. 2003: 4-2. 2004: 3-2. 2005: 3-2. 2006: 3-3. 2007: 4-2. 2008: 5-0. 2009: 2-5.
Buzz: The Pac-10 struggled early in the BCS era before riding the wave of USC's emergence as one of the nation's dominant programs. The Pac-10's 2-5 mark last season represented the conference's first losing bowl record since 2002.
6. ACC (39-42), .481)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-3. 1999: 2-3. 2000: 1-4. 2001: 4-2. 2002: 4-3. 2003: 5-1. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 5-3. 2006: 4-4. 2007: 2-6. 2008: 4-6. 2009: 3-4.
Buzz: The ACC's dismal 2-10 record in BCS games has overshadowed the league's relatively sold 37-32 mark in non-BCS contests. The ACC actually was faring better in bowl games before Miami, Virginia Tech and Boston College joined the league.
7. BIG TEN (38-43, .469)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 5-0. 1999: 5-2. 2000: 2-4. 2001: 2-4. 2002: 5-2. 2003: 3-5. 2004: 3-3. 2005: 3-4. 2006: 2-5. 2007: 3-5. 2008: 1-6. 2009: 4-3.
Buzz: After going 19-12 in bowl games through the first five seasons of the BCS era, the Big Ten has tailed off dramatically. Last season was the first the Big Ten had posted a winning bowl record since 2002.
8. WAC (19-24, .442)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 2-2. 1999: 2-1. 2000: 0-3. 2001: 0-2. 2002: 2-1. 2003: 3-1. 2004: 2-2. 2005: 1-2. 2006: 3-1. 2007: 1-3. 2008: 1-4. 2009: 2-2.
Buzz: Considering Hawaii and Boise State have played a combined eight bowls as WAC members that were home games, you'd think the WAC would have a better bowl record.
9. CONFERENCE USA (23-35, .397)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-2. 1999: 1-2. 2000: 2-2. 2001: 1-3. 2002: 2-3. 2003: 1-4. 2004: 3-2. 2005: 3-2. 2006: 1-4. 2007: 2-4. 2008: 4-2. 2009: 2-4.
Buzz: Conference USA has a remarkable number of bowl partners (six) for a league that isn't one of the six major conferences, and it therefore has played in more bowl games than the other non-major leagues.
10. MAC (13-20, .394)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 1-0. 1999: 1-0. 2000: 1-0. 2001: 2-0. 2002: 1-1. 2003: 2-0. 2004: 2-3. 2005: 1-1. 2006: 1-3. 2007: 0-3. 2008: 0-5. 2009: 1-4.
Buzz: The Big Ten isn't the only conference in the Midwest that has struggled in bowl games recently. The MAC has gone an astounding 2-15 in bowl games over the past four seasons. The MAC owes its impressive bowl record from early in the BCS era to former member Marshall, which went 5-1 in the postseason from 1998-2004 before leaving for Conference USA.
11. SUN BELT (5-8, .385)
Year-by-year record: 2001: 0-1. 2002: 1-0. 2003: 0-1. 2004: 0-2. 2005: 0-1. 2006: 1-1. 2007: 1-0. 2008: 1-1. 2009: 1-1.
Buzz: The Sun Belt routinely is rated as the nation's weakest conference, yet its recent bowl record is somewhat encouraging. The league is 4-3 in bowl games over the past four seasons and has won one bowl in each of those seasons.
12. INDEPENDENTS (4-10, .286)
Year-by-year record: 1998: 0-1. 2000: 0-1. 2002: 0-1. 2003: 0-1. 2004: 1-1. 2005: 1-1. 2006: 0-2. 2007: 0-1. 2008: 1-1. 2009: 1-0.
Buzz: Notre Dame's 2008 Hawaii Bowl victory over Hawaii ended the Irish's nine-game bowl skid, which included six losses in the BCS era. This season is the first time in the BCS era that each of the three major independents (Army, Navy and Notre Dame) is bowling in the same season.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Disturbing news out of Washington today as Mike Shanahan confirmed that Rex Grossman had again escaped his handlers and was making his way toward the Cowboys/Redskins match-up in Dallas. An agent for the Grossman Sachs Downward Counterfactual Division urged that the DHS advisory rating be raised to Orange, and interest rates be lowered to 1985 levels. Grossman, who last escaped his layer beneath Federal Hall (666 Wall St) in late October, was believed to be in hibernation for the Winter months. Civilians who encounter Quarterback/Throwing-Punter are advised not to look directly into his eyes, as he may feel threatened and attempt to "step up in the pocket". The Commisioner's press secretary Earl "Pig" Bodine would would not comment on rumors that Posse Commitatus laws had be suspended for the duration of the crisis. Grossman was last spotted at a screening of Tron: Legacy in Lexington, Kentucky muttering the movie's tagline, "The game has changed..."
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
BDT - The Gerunds have a lot to prove going into week 15. Despite their Milesian title, they're were only the 6th highest scoring team, decidedly average. BDT put up 119 on their bye though -- averaged in, that pulls them up to 98 ppg. They've broken 100 only 6 times, winning five games while scoring fewer than 90 points. In fact, they had the fewest points against of any team in the league this year -- their opponents averaged only 88.8 during the regular season. Still, they've been steadily improving and have one of the higher ceilings in the PSAS. BDT is led by Neck of the Year - PEYTON HILLIS, whose 207 fantasy points make lesser waiver wire pick ups weep bitter tears of envy. Michael Turner is a powerful compliment in the backfield, Colston and Austin at WR, and some good flex options with Felix Jones and recent pick up Owen Daniels. Currently holding three quarterbacks, BDT will have to choose between Kitna against Washington or Garrard against Indy.
Vickskennel.com - The Kennel Klub surprised the Nauts last week in a low scoring affair. They put up 91.2, averaged in, that gives them 95.8 ppg. On paper, this looks like a close match-up. And it should be, but questions remain about this franchises commitment to winning. They spent zero primordial reserve notes this season, and failed to set their line-up several times. That sounds like a team content to hoard for 2011. Vicks has coasted by with the Jets so far, but New York's recent collapse bodes ill. Worse, they'll match up against the Steelers this week. Without the go-go Jets titrating - Vicks will again be Rivers and Rice and pray for rain. Somebody will have to step up if they're going to hang with a BDT-good-day. Is it Forte on the frozen Gopher Field in Minnesota? Could Stewart put up 200+ yards on Arizona's UFL defense? Could Marshal pick up a few TDs against the Bills down in Miami? 1 to 3 of these things need to happen for Vicks to be in this game come Sunday night.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, December 12, 2010
A roof tear in the Mall of America Field at the Hupert H. Humprey Metrodome that was originally blamed on heavy snow is now being investigated as a possible instance of domestic terrorism by militias loyal to former commisioner Pequeno, the office of the commissioner reports. As previously warned in a series of twitter mafia posts, threatened violence against the league by middle American extremists has manifested itself. A flag depicting the symbol of states rights resistance to centralized authority was reportedly found on the roof by workers attempting to clear the snow. The Metrodome has long been a symbol of the progressive state of Minnesota politics, and at the same time a lighting rod for conspiracy theories about it's potential relation to authoritarian ideology. The former and current commissioner have been at odds for weeks over a series of disagreements, constituting a mounting constitutional crisis. The current commisioner has thus far resisted calls from within his own party to use emmergency powers granted in the Sedition Acts of 1917 to muzzle Pequeno supporters. In addition to the flag, unconfirmed reports have surfaced of graffiti reading "VIVA MUSCHAMP!" The roof last collapsed in 2007 during a Minnesota Twins game, in the lead-up to the Democratic Primaries. This news comes close on the heels of persistant rumors that transhuman experiment Rex Grossman may have again escaped his handlers and is in fact on his way to Washington as this article is being typed. Keep tuned into the PSAS blog as we monitor this deteriorating situation throughout the day...
Friday, December 10, 2010
Skins All the Way - The Skins averaged only 75.1 ppg this year. How, you might ask, did they win any games with a point average like that? By being incredibly erratic, that's how. Although the Skins never broke 100, they ranged between 99.8 and a league low score of 45.2 against BDT. Additionally, their opponents only averaged only 91.1 ppg, good for 4th lowest in the league (every team with lower points against made the playoffs). In one of those strange statistical anomalies, nobody even broke 110 against the Skins. The Skins are led by an NFC East RB tandem of McCoy and Jacobs, both of whom should get quality looks this weekend. Josh Freeman is at QB with a decent match-up against a bend-but-don't-break Saints D. Larry Fitzgerald and Hightower are the two big variables here - the Cardinals offense is about as erratic as the Skins. If they show up, the Skins will be in it to win it. It's important to remember that as an expansion team the Skins drafted last this year. At the very least they'll draft 6th this year, and with a keeper league they can start building a better team. Every win here is just more icing on the cake.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Grossman Sachs - The Sachs averaged 97.2 points per game, but dropped their last four to get knocked out of playoff contention. That's somewhat misleading, since the Sachs broke 100 in 3 out of 4 of those games But finishing with three playoff squads proved too tough for the Bankers, and here they may need some Matrix ponytail plugins to push into the 2nd round . The Sachs are led by titration sensation Michael Vick at QB and their scoring potential is largely largely tied to his performance in Dallas this week. Behind that they have consistent titrators in the TO Show, Welker, Mendenhall and Lewis. Other than those it's a mixed bag of injuries, handcuffs and rookies for the Sachs. The Bankers broke 120 pts only once this season, despite breaking 100 7 times. Before Vick was starting their ceiling hovered in the high 80s. They're the most consistent team in the consolation tournament, but they're not unbeatable any given Sunday. In a close game, Bears' kicker Gould could make the difference, since he regularly attempts 1-2 kicks over 40 yards per game.
SanFranciscoFerries - The Ferries averaged 97.6 points per game, good for fifth best in the league, but finished in 12th place. You do the math. There' s a lot of luck, week in and week out in this league. And the Ferries arguably got the worst end of it. Some of that luck was with injuries, Pierre Thomas and Joseph Addai have sat on this team's bench, long enough to gain New York residency. With them consistently in play, Ferries are a playoff team. A week 6 tie against the Sith made things even more mathematically difficult. But just because this team slipped into the subconscious of the league in the 2nd half, doesn't mean they can't be a nightmare to deal with. Thomas is reportedly back and that could turn the tables here. The San Francisco Treats are led by warhorse Peyton Manning at QB and his partner in crime Garcon at WR, Andre Johnson fills out the wide spots. Fred Jackson holds down one of the RB slots admirably, but a Ricky Williams isn't a serious RB2. Green Bay's Defense could make the difference with a favorable match-up against the Lions, giving the team a chance to score over 100 for the first time since week 6.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Gloves seem to be piling up around the feet of hamstrung Redskins RB Ryan Torain. Only days after he was challenged by Head Coach Mike Shanahan to return to the playing field, The Thanatoids' owner has challenged the back to return a book he borrowed several months ago. The book in question, a first edition paperback of Donald Barthelme's The Amateurs, a collection of the American author's short fiction, is believed to have been borrowed by Torain at a team party sometime in September of this year. A spokesman for the 'Toids organization said "Seriously, the book is like 150 pages long. Ryan's a smart guy and the doctors tell us that everything's fine. So, yeah, we expect him to be able to read and return literature in a timely manner to the team library. Continued the spokesman, "I mean, come on, it's not like we're asking him to play football or anything..."