Playoff Picture - Week 13

Divisions:

What's settled - TTM and BDT will take the divisions and the byes attached. Their respective 7-1 division records ensure that potential division tie-breakers are covered. 

Still in play - The Tigers need a win and a BDT loss, or a +37 point differential to take over the top of the bracket.

Wildcard seeding -

HSNB -
Record - 8-4
Points - 1385.2
the Bloodz are on top of the points tiebreaker.  So a win will keep them in the third slot with a (presumably) easier opponent in the six seed.  Week 13 is no gimme though.  The Dangles are playing for a shot at the sixth seed and have run four straight +100 games. If Forte can't go, the Bloodz may be ripe for an upset.

Nauts -
Record - 8-4
 Points - 1276.6
the Aetherists have been high as a kite the last two weeks. The latest addition to their flying circus is Bryce Brown, whose coming-out party was the story of MNF.  If he gets bell-cow carries, it's a perfect replacement for L-Mac and a potential upgrade.  The Nauts are well behind the Bloodz in points but equally far ahead of the Divas.  The Nauts need a win over the Mountain and help from a Bloodz loss to creep up to the three spot.  A loss and the Nauts will inevitably tumble to five.

Phat Girlz
Record 8-4
Points - 1194.4
The Girlz are proof against falling to the six seed because they get the Stylez in week 13.  They should finish 9-4 and that's enough to keep north of whoever the incoming team is.  As a result, if the Nauts or HSNB or both get boinked this time then the Girlz could take 4th or even 3rd. 


The 6 spot -

Ferries - 
Record 7-5
Points 1214.4
SFF controls their own destiny going into week 13, win and they'll rock the playoffs for a second straight year.  Standing in their way is GrossmanSachs, also in play. Every point will count in this game.  And there's no margin for error, since the Ferries won't go with a loss. They'll hope that RGIII can build upon his 22 point performance vs. the Giants last time out.  Unless Run DMC makes a surprise appearance, the Ferries will go three wide and hope they hit paydirt early and often.   If Charlie Batch looks as ridiculous as last week, Baltimore's D should exceed their projection in the first half. If R-burger guts it out, it could be a different story.   Beanie vs. the Jets has to win the "who the fuck knows" award for the week.  He found the endzone twice last week, and the Jets are the definition of a plus match-up - but the Beanie has broken so many fantasy teams over the years there's got to be some significant juju-credits being purchased to balance things out.

Dangles
Record 6-6
Points 1357.6
The Dangles are the second highest scoring team in the league.  And they'll crush any of the 6 spot applicants in a tiebreaker.   To get there they'll need a win over the highest scoring team of the year HSNB, and a Sachs win in San Francisco.  We should know a whole lot about this one tonight since the Dangles are built around Brees and a handful of Falcons.  Currently that still includes the Atlanta D.  Running a D against a top five QB is a fine line.  Atlanta's pass defense is formidable, but they've been faltering in recent weeks.  If Greg Jennings gets a greenlight that's one to watch for the Dangles. Currently they run Cobb out there, but a half return for Jennings could mean fewer targets all around - not to mention a tough choice at WR.

g0dbank
Record 6-6
Points 1264.2
The Sachs get a shot at a bailout vs. the Ferries in week 13.  They'll need a win and a Dangles loss to sneak back into a playoff spot that was bought and paid for three weeks ago.  After a drubbing by the Giants line, A-Rodg is no doubt angry and ready to light the Vikes up. NOLA is likewise a dream matchup for Roddy White - let's just hope the weather vane is pointing at him and not Jones this week. Currently the Sachs are showing a few wire gambles including Big D's Defense and Broyles at flex. The shake-up was clearly in the cards with three straight sub-par weeks, but it remains to be seen if these are hard picks or head games.

Pelicans
Record 6-6
Points 1227.2
Longshots, but still in the race are the Grisham-ites.  PB needs a win and the Ferries and Dangles to lose and to pick up the 37.2+ more than the Sachs to grab the tiebreaker.   The Sachs have been lowballing recently (The Brief was +45.6 on them in week 12).  But it's another thing to hope they win and score 37 lower than you.  The Pelicans are rooting for twin bad days for the Ferries and the Sachs, and a record setter for themselves.   The Brief has been trending in the right direction with two straight triple digit efforts and a season high last week.  The center of their effort will be the Panthers/Chiefs game where they hope Newton/Smith/Charles can feast off of each others' poor defenses.   A huge game for the San Francisco D also could be in the cards vs. the Rams, after they just took apart the Saints to the tune of 21 points.

\/\/33k 13 P0\/\/3r R4/\/k1/\/gZ

As promised week 12 locked in five spots and both divisions, one spot still remains and four teams are in play for that.  It's a testament to the level of play that 9/12 teams are at or over .500 going into the last game of the season.  We've really beat up on each other, although only six teams will go to the dance, we've had great play across the board.  Check out the tiebreakers for divisions & wildcards , if you have any questions about the specifics.  So, far we've got four teams returning to the playoffs and one storming back (congrats Phat Girlz).  If SFF can hold on we'll be 5/1 returning, if Dangles or Grossman snag that wildcard we'll be 4/2.


1.) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng   (last week 1)   9-3
-The German Philosophers contemplated their fifth straight victory, a Milesian division title and a wide points lead for the top seed.  Oh, and they set a new all-time PSAS points record at 167.8.  That's a lot for one week.  And there was a lot of action on BDT's squad as you would imagine.  Facing Grossman with division and bye seeding on the line, BDT brought the wood with 4 20+s - none bigger than the double titration of Romo and Bryant.  A spot start for St. Louis picked up a handy 24 and Arian continued his world-beating ways with 23.  Andre Brown checked out for the year with a broken leg, giving BDT a little downgrade on depth.  The Rams D isn't steady enough for week to week work, and the Giants made short work of the Clay-less Pack coming off their bye. So expect a wire defense upgrade going into the playoffs. 

Next week -Tusken Raiders - BDT finishes up with the Sand People as heavy favorites.  But, they'll take this one seriously or risk going into the postseason on a sour note. If Bush gets bell-cow carries for the Bears the Raiders could be triple-digit dangerous. 

2.) TakingTigerMountain (last week 2)  9-3
The Mountain picked up their freebie from the Stylez, but got in a few numbers anyway.  Two stories have to dominate the Eleatic leaders' headlines going into the playoffs.  One is the guesswork surrounding Quarterback.  TTM has shown an almost constitutional inability to pick correctly between Stafford and Luck.  Now that Calvin and Matt are making beautiful music again, is the job his to lose?  The other story is the ballad of MJD.  After his holdout he seemed off to great season, but now there's a real question of whether he'll really make it back at all for the Tigers.  With the Jags floundering and Jones-Drew thinking of his future, there can't be much incentive to push him.  Still, securing the week 14 bye, at least lets the Mountain dream that he might be back in time to play flex in their semi-round battle.  

Next week   - AEthernauts  - TTM gets the Nauts. Both squads are playoff bound, so this one is for post position.  The Tigers need to hold court and gain big time points to have a shot at the #1 seed.  The Nauts would need a win and help to pass the Bloodz and take over third.

3.) AEthernauts  (Last week - 4) -  8-4
Getting hot at the right time the Aeros picked up a second straight victory, putting their two highest scores in the last two weeks.  Just a fortnight ago the Nauts seemed like bubble candidates, but two impressive outings have them in the playoffs again.  Again, it was big air games from Johnson &  Johnson that kept the Nauts looking down on their opponents - the duo combined for 38.4.  A handful of helpful TDs covered for mediocre production elsewhere.  And Schaub was at least not Vick.  With Aldon Smith coming into his own as a sack expert, the Nauts IDP production is one of their most formidable elements. MNF update, Bryce Brown, Mr. Can't Miss from K-State.  He ate the Panther's line for breakfast and could be a huge flex upgrade if McCoy injury stretches to the fantasy playoffs. 

Next week -TakingTigerMountain- AE gets the Mountain in week 13 to finish out.  No doubt they're glad it's just for seeding, because some of their key producers have tough games lined up.  The big variable is Brown versus a dinged Dallas inside line.   For AE rise above they're going to need the Texans double-titration to light up the skies in the coming weeks. 

4.) Phat Girlz (last week  5)  8-4
-The Girlz picked up a must-win versus the slowing Cyclotron in week 12.  The Divas were far from pitch perfect, but the Bloodz were vulnerable this week.  A big bounce back game from Eli has to provide them hope that the Giants can repeat their positive December of last year and carry the Girlz to a title.  A tough match-up for the Saints kept the Phat Ones from going full b34st.  And Lynchm0b couldn't get going against a tight Dolphins run defense. Houston's D has faltered for a second straight week, but a Titans match-up should improve their prospects.

Next week -Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz®  - the Girlz can rest and hope for some help in seeding as a win over the Stylez will keep the pressure on.  It's a nice break for the Girlz, who have to pin their upgrade hopes on R-burger returning to give their top receiver Wallace back his WR1 ranking. 


5.) HomeSpunNeckBloodz (last week 3)   8-4
-Dropping the bolt can be a letdown, as the Bloodz proved losing their second straight.  After a beastly run through the bye weeks, the Cyclotron has slowed with injuries and tough in-division games.  The most worrisome occurance this week is Forte's ankle injury. The Bloodz will struggle to replace his production if he misses time, as benchwarmer Ingram is now a part of an increasingly crowded Saints backfield.  Cutler's return was a welcome help for Marshall's status, which at least gives them two plausible receivers.  If they can't get Harvin and Forte back for week 14.  Manning and CJ?K may have to carry them through the dangerous wildcard round. 

Next week -Cincinnati Dangles  - dropping their chance at the protective bye the Bloodz will play for their own ranking and to keep a powerful competitor from the brackets.  The Bloodz have a bunch of points so a win here should keep them in the 3 spot.

6.)  SanFranciscoFerries (last week 7)   7-5
-The Ferries won their second straight and control their destiny going into week 13.  Led by RGIII with 28, they picked up four double digits, for a good-enough effort.  Martin continues to be the big mover on the ground for the Ferries, with seven straight weeks of double digit fantasy numbers.  A surprise start by Knowshon left the Ferries holding the Hillman bag, but there wasn't quite enough on the other side of the board to force the issue. Beanie found the endzone twice on the bench, and should replace Hillman going forward, even though the Cards' offense is a bad proposition even on a good day.  Between Shorts, Smith and Crabtree, SFF has three high-risk, high-reward WRs to man the flex.

Next week -GrossmanSachs  - the Ferries get division rivals the Sachs with a win-and-you're-in scenario.  This was just how we speculated it two weeks ago, and the Ferries couldn't hope for a better shot.  Despite injuries to DJax, Willis and Murray, the Sachs are more than a match for the Ferries.  They're actually very similar teams with high-end QB play, midrange RBs, three WR sets and traditional brand name defenses.  All things being equal it could easily fall to kicking or IDP numbers here.


7.)  Cincinnati Dangles (last week 6)   6-6
-The Dangles just can't quite get free of that unlucky label.  They've got the second most points in the league, but they've lost 4 +100 campaigns. Cincinnati looked like a good bet to upset the Nauts, but they sputtered as Brees fell short of 20 and Cobb couldn't find the endzone in a tough Giants game.  Atlanta's defense has been below the mark 4/5 weeks now, and didn't do them any favors here.  Rodgers appears to be winning more touches from Turner, so there's a chance to mine flex value there. 

Next week -HomeSpunNeckBloodz  - The Dangley Ones will need a win and help from the Ferries to be playoff bound this week.  The good news is that they're the points leader by a country mile among the four competitive teams.  So, there's at least a clear path to envision.  The bad news is that they're playing the #1 points scorer this year.  Without Forte in the Bloodz line-up, the Dangles should be cautious favorites, but in a close game a counter-titration like Brees/Atlanta D could be a deal breaker.  Atlanta went for just 2 pts in NOLA three weeks ago.   

8.)  GrossmanSachs  (last week 7) 6-6
-The Sachs collapse this year has been the story of the second half.  6-3 following week 9, they go into week 12 6-6.  They've been below 100 for three consecutive weeks.  Unfortunately for them, other teams have stepped up and now they must scrap and hope for the final spot.  Rodgers has seemed human the last two times out, but it's hard to see Minnesota executing the new anti-Pack strategy.  Willis' loss is hard to compensate for and they're.  Deangelo now has a starting role, even if he is a plodder, he could be good for a goal-line score. Fitzgerald's downgrade along with the Cards offensive woes, has to hurt the most.  Since their week 2 trade the g0dbank was going to be a 3 WR team and missing one of the most talented league veterans is a big gap.  If the g0dbank is going to pull off the miracle in week 13, Rodgers and the Chicago D will have to go full b34st and inspire some of the replacements.

Next week -SanFranciscoFerries   - it would be ballsy for the Sachs to hold a spot for Murray on Sunday Night hoping that the Cowboy's injured lead back could return, but it's probably too risky with the season on the line.  The Sachs need to win to knock the Ferries off post position, then they need the Dangles to lose to eliminate a potential tiebreaker loss on points.   Both of those things are possible, so as rough as it's been the last three weeks, there's still time to save the g0dbank's season.   


9.) ThePelicanBrief  (last week 9)  6-6
-As strange as it sounds, the Brief isn't yet mathematically eliminated.  Picking up some great Panther points on MNF made their road slightly more plausible.  They'll need to see the same again from Cam, with the addition of a little double titration love with Steve Smith versus a pathetic KC pass defense.  The missing piece here has to be FJax, who has gradually lost his job to Spiller over the course of the year. They're long shots, but with multiple plus match-ups, there's at least hope that the Grishamites can put up their best score of the season.

Next week -Trichotillomaniacs  The Legal Thrillers need to win in week 13 and win big.  Not only do they need the Ferries and Dangles to lose.  They need to make up 37 points on the Sachs to overcome the tiebreak.  So, they need the Sachs to win a low scorer, and go big over the Trichs to get on the right side of week 13.   Any time you're qualifying the kinds of wins and losses you need it's not good news for your probabilities.

10.) Trichotillomaniacs (last week 10) 3-9
-Playing for pride the Trichs got dropped by the Ferries in week 12.   Kaepernick again lead the Hair Pullers, and a nifty Knowshon pick up didn't make it off the bench, but should be useful next week and in the consolation.  The Trichs actually had a pretty good game, but the promised double-titration between K-nick and V-Davis never materialized, a score there and Moreno at flex might have set the Trichs on a streak to finish the season.

Next week -ThePelicanBrief  - there's a certain satisfaction to ending someone else's playoff ambitions when yours have already been snuffed. The Trichs can do just that in week 13 by taking out the Brief. They'll be minor dogs, but in the same room as the Thrillers.

T. 12.) Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz®  (last week 11)  1-10
-Big City Bright Lights.

Next week -Phat Girlz - the Stylez will spread holiday joy to the Girlz, giving them a chance at a higher seed going into the playoffs.

T.12.) Tusken Raiders (last week 12) 1-10
-.The Raiders were in the conversation again, but lost on MNF to a Brief double titration special.  With the Bush boys both starting they're legitimately dangerous in week 13.

Next week -BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng-  The Sand People could knock the top team out of their #1 seed with an upset.  They'll be siginificant dogs, but they've been hunting that upset all season.  This would be a dramatic time to pull it off.

When It's More Than A Game

With their backs against the wall, GrossmanSachs needs a win this week against the post-Socratic philosophers to stay in playoff contention. Many have doubted the G0dbank after they put up 55% of their projection last week and suffered a devastating loss. One-Armed Willis is now also One-Legged Willis, and you're just not gonna get a lot of fantasy production out of a guy with two total limbs. Inquiring minds want to know why McGahee remains on the roster. Most speculate it has something to do with #keeperz, though the G0dbank is publicly against #rosterlaziness. Sal Palantonio speculates that GrossmanSachs is keeping as many assets as possible so when they revolt against keepers, they can say it isn't because they were unprepared. GrossmanSachs said they just couldn't cut Willy, and need his presence in the locker room, now more than ever.

It was quite a scene at the end of the bankerz walkthrough Wednesday night. Their fiery coach has had a busy year, and was even speculated to be interested in coaching the new expansion franchise in Barclona, Los Banqueros Banditos. When the coach ended practice, he gathered the whole team (Peyton Hillis was even invited) and gave them an emotional "Win one for the Bankerz" speech. It was all the more powerful as the coach himself was in dire condition, after suffering a debilitating facial injury during routine sensory augmentation surgery. His useless biomass rejected the nanotechnology, and his face became the battleground for an all out #technorganic war.

With the season on the line, the G0dbank's coach was in full-blown #FaceB34STmode.

When the coach was finished, there wasn't a dry eye in the room. Danny Woodhead eventually broke the silence, and spoke for everybody when he said, "This one's for you, Coach. But, no promises, okay?" Moving stuff.

Stock Market week 12

We're at 513 total liquid (42.5%), adjusted for preterite that's 288 or roughly 29% of our starting total.  So things are getting down to the nitty gritty.  Two teams (GS and PB) have bid themselves out of PRN.  And two teams in the top six (CD and HSNB) have more than twice the next playoff contender, making them the upper crust of the playoff stretch money game.  If there's someone worth getting, it's now safe to say that those two teams could simply buy them, and that a fair part of their game should be a protect defense against their prospective opponents, this week and down the line.


1-3  - Blue Chip
4-6  - Red Chip
7-9 - Penny Stock
10-12 - Junk Bonds

                    Blue Chip      Red Chip       Penny Stock        Junk Bond

Blue Chip            5                 4                      3                        2

Red Chip            10               5                       4                        3

Penny Stock        15                10                   5                        4

Junk Bond          20                15                   10                        5


TTM [2] vs. PL [20]

PB [4] vs. TR [10]

CD [5] vs. AE [5]

SFF [4] vs Trich [10]

PG [10] vs. HSNB [4]

BDT [3] vs. GS [15]

\/\/33k 12 P0\/\/3r R4/\/k1/\/gZ

Week 11 saw three 6-5 teams emerge, two from the bottom and one from the top.  They'll be in competition with the three 7-4 teams for the bottom three spots of the playoff roster.  One of the odd consequences of having two preterite teams is that it's now week 12 and no one has actually clinched a playoff spot.  That will change in week 12 as at least three should be clinched by the end of Monday Night's game.  We all have a lot to be thankful for this week.  And the Commissioner's office wishes you good cheer on this the most footballsiest of holidays...


1.) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng   (last week 2 )   8-3
-The German Philosophers racked up their fourth straight with a win over rivals Pelicans.  The Cowboys double got things done, but the story was Reese in the flex picking up a difference-making 19 against a  terrible Saints run D.   BDT's decisions were far from perfect, they left Witten on the bench, and a surprising turn from wire pick up Packes DEF racked up 20.  It was a "good enough" effort against a mid-level opponent, but BDT will have to tighten up before week 15 or risk a disappointing playoff run.

Next week - GrossmanSachs  -  BDT gets a chance to play spoiler from the driver's seat as handing the g0dbank a loss would put their season in receivership.

2.) TakingTigerMountain (last week 3)  8-3
The Mountain won a day of surprises over division rivals Phat Onez.  Stafford was a complete misfire against Green Bay, putting up single digits.  The Tigers put up three (!) zeros (Jennings, Bell and Maclin) and still won.  That's not going to happen that often, but they eeeked out their eighth win and stayed in the hunt for the division.  The bye holds the keys to the Tigers' playoff paradise, as MJD and R-burger (and hence Miller's value) are unlikely to return in week 14.   Sneaking into the next round without having to cobble together a week 14 triple digit, is just what TTM ordered. 

Next week -Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz® - the Tigers get a break and face the Stylez autopilot squad for a freebie in week 12.  Still they need to shine in order to aim for the top seed with BDT close behind in points.


3.) HomeSpunNeckBloodz (last week 1)   8-3
-The Cyclotron finally let loose the Bolt versus the Aerial Explorers in Week 11.  Dropping their third of the year, the Bloodz will need to rely on the Tigers mistaks to win since their division record is worse, if they want the bye and avoidance of the dreaded first round trap game.  They picked up 120 for an 8th straight triple digit, in fact they picked up six double digits on the week.  Clearly, Cutler's absence is a significant downgrade for their Bears as Forte had trouble staying on the field, and although Marshall managed a trash time TD, Campbell isn't capable of giving him much value.  Getting Harvin back is priority number one as Mike Williams gives them too much reliance on the Bucs pass game for comfort.  With the Gronk hurt, Hernandez should be a significant upgrade at TE. 

Next week -Phat Girlz  The Bloodz will face fellow week 11 losers, the Phat Ones, in week 12. It should be a push, with both teams angling for position in the playoff brackets. 

4.) AEthernauts  (Last week - 6) -  7-4
In a statement game and signature win the Aerial Explorers rose to the occasion and defended their win-streak record from last year, knocking the bolt from hands of the Spinners.  When you pick up 139, you're going to have a multitude of heroes and that was the case for the Nauts in week 12.  But game balls have to go to Andre Johnson on offense picking up 33 courtesy of 273 and a TD in a wild one vs the Jags - and also to Aldon Smith who grabbed 17 with 5.5 sacks and 2 forced fumbles.  After two straight losses the Nauts were staring down the barrel of the Consolation Tourney.  Middling points totals mean they're not quite safe yet.  But one out of two should do it.

Next week -Cincinnati Dangles  -  With two playoff contenders left on the docket the Nauts still have an uphill battle. With Turner seemingly slowing into his Fall slump, the Nauts may need a hero again in week 12.  A team defense upgrade is probably the obvious place to start since Miami has scored a combined 7 points over the last three games.

5.) Phat Girlz (last week  4)  7-4
-The Phat Ones couldn't squeeze into a tight victory over the Mountain in week 12.  This will make the Girlz last two games very interesting indeed.  Minus Eli and Lynchm0b this was going to be a hard one for them to pick up in the first place, but TTM was very beatable.  Wallace suffered a lot for lack of Big Ben, and their Saints duo caught an endzone allergy despite decent production.  The shock of the day goes to the Houston D racking up a big g00se egg vs. the Jags in what looked like a glorified Arena League game.

Next week -HomeSpunNeckBloodz - the Girlz get the league's top scoring team, and desperately need to bring their A game to force an upset here. Getting Eli and the Lynchm0b back will be a big help.  but the Girlz get the freebie Stylez in week 13, so they should be heart attack proof, even if they drop their match with the Bloodz.

6.)  Cincinnati Dangles (last week 8)   6-5
-Yahoo ranked the Dangles as the league's top draft projection.  And they've made the fewest moves of any team in the top half. Their patience is starting to pay off now, as they've won three in a row and are now the second highest scoring team in the league.  They were playing the cookie Stylez in week 11, but earned a victory with 135 at the second highest of the week.  Brees led the charge with his second straight +20 game.  The Dangles picked up eight double digits, including an IDP from Weddle.  Other than an injured Greg Jennings, there's almost nothing of value on the Dangles bench, but what they're starting is pretty well-rounded.

Next week -AEthernauts  - the Dangles get a chance to continue their streak against the only team who scored higher than them in week 11.  A win would doubly help their cause, since the Nauts' playoff spot is still in play despite their big week 11 win. 

7.)  SanFranciscoFerries (last week 8)   6-5
-The Ferries held firm and kept their foot jammed in the playoff door with a week 11 win over the Sand People. Trade acquisition RGIII picked up the game high 32, personally accounting for the margin of victory.  Martin and Jones provided adequate ground cover, although the flex is still an open question. Although it's one that might get answered if Beanie does indeed get the start in week 12 as promised. 

Next week -Trichotillomaniacs - the Ferries got their best help from the Sachs loss this week.  Since SFF doesn't have much in the way of points total, they'll need a little bit of chaos in week 12 to set up stepping stool final game to put as one of only six teams with eight, otherwise they might be playing for the first seed in the consolation.  Getting Cruz back will be a nice upgrade here, but all the Ferries can do is win out and hope for the best. 

8.)  GrossmanSachs  (last week 5) 6-5
-The Sachs fell out of red chip status with their second straight loss in week 11.  With Rodgers looking pedestrian, the Sachs couldn't muster 70 points with their Bears significantly downgraded by Cutler's absence.  Not much went right for the g0dbank in week 11, Willy McG went down with a knee injury, Fitzy had a career worst kind of game. And things looked grim indeed at g0dbank headquarters. 

Next week -BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng - the Sachs had hoped to try and even the score against BDT in week 11, now they'll try to save their playoff hopes with an upset.  Minus Willy, they'll put their faith in Morris and Woodhead (?).  Rodgers and the Chicago D will have to pick up the slack here


9.) ThePelicanBrief  (last week 7)  5-6
-The Brief put up a good show, but gave up on the season when they traded away RG3 last week.  Combined Jamaal Charles and Newton came within three of RG3's total, but psychologically the team was clearly defeated by the move.  San Francisco's D made a nice run at BDT's lead on MNF, but BDT's IDP hedge was too much to overcome. Danario Alexander put up his second straight crazy week on the bench and could have shifted the balance for the Brief. Will he displace Amendola?

Next week -Tusken Raiders - the Brief get the Raiders and the Trichs to close out the season, giving them decent odds to finish over .500.  They could get Fred Jackson back this week, who would be a pleasant flex upgrade.  

10.) Trichotillomaniacs (last week 10) 3-8
-All Fall we've been looking for a good spoiler game and we finally got one in week 11, when the Trichs and Kaepernik shocked the world with a triple digit and a thirty point win over heavily favored Milesian opponents the Sachs.  Playing asymetric warfare all year, the Trichs got the good endzone love from Lance and Vernon, and a little kicking and IDP to add up to triple digits. 

Next week -SanFranciscoFerries - the Trichs can spread their hair-pulling mania with another potential spoiler in week 12.  With Seattle's Defense as a significant upgrade, they should be at least even money to pick up consecutive wins for the first time this year.

T. 12.) Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz®  (last week 11)  1-10
-Happy Turkey Day. 

Next week -TakingTigerMountain - the Stylez ensured that PSAS was one of the few leagues in Yahoo that wasn't affected by Gronk's broken arm in week 11.  He's been plastered to their bench since October. 

T.12.) Tusken Raiders (last week 12) 1-10
-.The Raiders got some bizarro luck with Matt Ryan throwing 5 picks and Bowe and Moore going for goose eggs to give the Ferries the win. Washington's D and Finley's first good day in weeks, provided the only bright spots here.

Next week -ThePelicanBrief - a Consolation preview.  Don't count on the Raiders to be as toothless as last week. 

Balance Sheet Week 11

Several taking the conservative route and one bet on a close one in the Eleatic.

-The Ferries plowed the Sand People paying out +4 to TTM & SFF

-the Dangles dropped the Stylez paying out +4 to TTM, SFF & Trich

- The Mountain topped the Girlz in a low-scorer costing GS -5.


Invest

CD +6
SFF +4
PG +2

Stock

SFF +8
TTM +8
Trich +4
GS -5

Totals

SFF +12
TTM +8
CD +6
Trich +4
GS -5

Where in the World is Rex Grossman?

Upper-level management at GrossmanSachs have been working tirelessly on an upcoming show for The Travel Channel called Feed the Beast. While sifting through footage on their Amiga 2000s, management noticed a disturbing character pop into, and immediately out of, one of the shots from September 11th, 2012.

 The show was taping in San Francisco (a poorly veiled scouting trip to see how their week 13 opponent, The San Francisco Ferries, were using their flexback). The show's host, and deep cover operative, was asking some drag queens where the best place in town was to get some late night food. The drag queens "directed" him to Grubstake, which for those with knowledge of some of the inner-workings of the G0dbank, was not surprisingly the most popular late-night Portuguese restaurant.

Then when the time came for a group photo, a man who everyone within 100 yards of the scene described first-and-foremost as "really shady" popped into the frame, but only for a second. He was wearing a "University Florida" sweatshirt, that once belonged to owners of both Primordiallifestylz and HomeSpunNeckBloodz.

GrossmanSachs enchanced DVC-Pro analysis yielded a fair amount of information about  the sweatshirt. "It's definitely from Florida, that's for sure," said GrossmanSachs Fabric Analyst Hugo Boss. "The design and lettering, and missing the word "of" would scream Asian-knockoff to most people, whomever made this clearly doesn't understand how upper-level education works in America, what prepositions are, stuff like that. In my experience, Asians speak English very well, and succeed at American universities, and use prepositions. No, this was definitely made using undesirable byproducts of Methamphetamine laboratories in a trailer in Florida. Possibly even at The World's Largest STD Laboratory."

The architects of the laboratory chose a symbolic phallus with discoloration near it's crest, and a burning sensation on its accoutrements.

The World's Largest STD Laboratory covers 2,000 acres in Gainesville, Florida. It was originally founded in Ocala, Florida in 1853, by Florida's Governor Thomas Brown. "Here, in this worthless swamp, the sweaty armpit of our great country, we will found a seminary, and immerse our children in the horrors of the sinful world, so that we may better know why our loins burn, and we can keep that burning away from my daughter."

"She's not yet 32, and already talking about heavy petting. G0dz save us all before the burning comes!"

In 1903, the Labarotory was so overrun with Syphilis, Herpes, Gonorrhea, Genital Crabs, Cap'n Crunch Balls, Swamptrunk, Anal Gout, Crotchmoss, and Taintcheese that it needed a bigger space to operate. That's when William Ruben Thomas, mayor of Gainesville, the only larger, more worthless swamp in America, selflessly offered up his small town for total hygienic destruction. His stirring words at the dedication are etched in cardboard at the front of the sprawling complex:

"On this spot, tho not this exact spot, but that disgusting spot over yonder, that none of us dare trespass, yea verily, the "shitbasin" as we are fond of calling it, we shall found an institution that will house the greatest den of undesirables and whores the world has ever known, so that they may be studied, and will whisper warnings from babylons past, so that we may avoid their unconscionably bleak fate."

Cutoff jean shorts were the unfortunate byproduct of rampant Crotchmoss eating away denim.

 It was on those same grounds nearly a hundred years later, where Rex Grossman burst onto the American consciousness like a glorious pimple. King Gross-man was selected as the ultimate failure of the human race, the one creature that could yield the most information on how the avoid our fall into skeksidom. So, of course, he was sent to Gainesville, the best chance humanity had of understanding the abomination, and the only place he'd fit in.

Grossman was hailed as a G0d by the freaks and whores, a Baphomet to the the worshipers of all that is evil, and was even given the adoring nickname "Skeksi Rexy." Upon his ultimate failure, the culmination of all the worthlessness that mankind could offer-- losing the Outback Bowl to the Michigan Wolverines in 2002, Rex was given this sweatshirt, the world famous "University Florida" sweatshirt, to signify all he had meant to the timeless study of trash.

The Once and Future King, right at home, at the weekly cross-breading ritual.

It should come as no surprise that Grossman lost the sweatshirt that same night, when he went "birthsies" on a sorority house, stripping naked and defecating everywhere, a common practice at the World's Largest STD Laboratory. After that, the sweatshirt's history is murkier than a home pregnancy test when you're coming off a crank-bender and have seven different STDs. We do know that it was worn by the owner of Primordiallifestylz when he was setting the Jacksonville record for most Busch Lights poured down the throat of an Alligator. We also know it was worn by the owner of HomeSpunNeckBloodz when he punched Renegade, the horse Chief Oceola (always a white guy in paint btw) rides at Florida State games, in the face on November 21st 2002. Unfortunately, pictures of both of these incidents are censored under the commissioner's League's Secrets Privilege. We aren't sure how Grossman came back in possession of the sweatshirt, but most people seem to think Six Point Resin was involved.

The invocation of the sweatshirt ritual, notice the 6-pointed satanic star.

So, why would Grossman so blatantly expose his whereabouts now? When he's  the target of an international manhunt, when both the Eliatic and Milesian schools are for the first time unified in his being brought to justice under the world-famous #Grossman2012 campaign? Some speculate that it has to do with recent league turmoil over dynasty/keeper status. Grossman himself, in-between screaming he was a #sexG0d also added, "πηγαίνετε αλιγάτορες" "Θα επιστρέψω όταν με χρειαστείς." 

Despite a huge marketing campaign and worldwide internet support since it's inception in March 2012, #Grossman2012 has thus far garnered very little coverage in the Grossman-run mainstream media.

General Far East Seeking Tea Party Endorsement

By Bill Williamson, ESPN Far East

 

General Far East of the Trichotillomaniacs secretly met with an unnamed representative of the Tea Party at a Manhattan hotel on Wednesday to discuss endorsement from the popular conservative movement in case the chair of the commissioner of PSAS becomes available, multiple New York media reported.  The New York Daily News also quoted one source close to the General as saying “we will introduce integrity and transparency to the PSAS for the first time when the General becomes the next commissioner.” 

The reigning commissioner and the General are at odds about the possible return of keeper/dynasty structure in 2013. 

The General doesn’t think it’s fair that 2012 draft, for which he was unavailable, should increase in its future significance subsequent to the event, which is what happens if the yet-unofficial installation of keeper/dynasty for next season goes through in mid season.  He is said to be not against the idea of keepers, as long as its installation is prior to the draft with an empty roster.  The General has been a vocal critic of the lack of clarity and continuity in the draft since Creation.  

It seems that not everyone in the Far East is on the same page with the General. Wednesday reports also surfaced that longtime Far East starters Hakeem Nicks and Vernon Davis met with Bounty Killer aka the Original General without the GM’s knowledge, possibly to discuss the Dancehall star’s interest in the Far East GM job.  The Jamaican artist is said to have a minority ownership share of the Trichotillomaniacs.  Nicks and Davis are probably in favor of the keeper league to elongate their chance of playing in the comfortable Far East land. 

Sounds like a cacophony of a 2-8 team.  But the team seems committed to giving the General all the power he wants, and we may see more tension brew in the Far East Land in the last stretch of this lost season.

Week 11 Stock Market

 We're at 571 liquid going into week 11 (that's 47%), adjusted for our two absentees we're at 346 (about 34% of our starting total).  The bye weeks wrap up this week.  Some are add/dropping to make the playoffs, some to balance their playoff lineups and some stocking up for next year.


1-3  - Blue Chip
4-6  - Red Chip
7-9 - Penny Stock
10-12 - Junk Bonds

                    Blue Chip      Red Chip       Penny Stock        Junk Bond

Blue Chip            5                 4                      3                        2

Red Chip            10               5                       4                        3

Penny Stock        15                10                   5                        4

Junk Bond          20                15                   10                        5


TTM [4] vs. PG [10]

PB [15] vs. BDT [3]

CD [4] vs. PL [10]

SFF [4] vs. TR [10]

AE [10] vs. HSNB [4]

Trichs [15] vs. GS [3]

\/\/33k 11 P0\/\/3r R4/\/k1/\/Gz

Week 10 saw a crazy Tight End Battle in the NFC South lead two Eleatic squads to victory.  Jimmer and Gonzales had a TE pissing match and topped the Dangles and Girlz scoring sheets respectively with 2 TDs and +100 yards each.  It was also the week of the QB concussion, with Vick and Cutler both getting knocked out and capping their squads ceilings too low for comfort.  With the end now in sight it looks like  the competitors will need to secure 8 wins to be sure of a spot (although there are several unlikely scenarios in which a 8-5 record won't put a team in the top 6) .  Right now we've still got 6 teams above .500 occupying the 6 playoff spots.  But three teams at 5-5 are only 1 game out.  A sweep of the final three would likely wedge any of them into that 6 spot.   But no team has actually punched their ticket to the dance yet, even the mighty Bloodz, winners of 7 straight could drop int to the 7 spot if they lost all three remaining.  The trade deadline is November 16.  With the reelection of Obama, the survival of Commisioner-care dynasty keeper plan (in some form) is inevitable.  The form it will take (number of keepers, luxury taxes, draft cash distribution, etc) is still numinous.  But all owners should be mindful in their drops and trades with an eye to next year.  It's the last by week.. It's in-division play.  It's a race to the finish.



1.) HomeSpunNeckBloodz (last week 1)   8-2
-The Spinners wound out another win in week 10 for their seventh straight.  The Bloodz overcame a miscue leaving Hernandez in the game despite his game time status (thanks rotoworld).  Another big week from CJ?K led the way in a lil-bit-o-everything attack.  Game ball goes to the Broncos D for their mauling of Carolina to the tune of 7 sacks and 20 pts.  The double Tampa WR set looked pedestrian with a combined 11.  Harvin is a big part of the Cyclotron's strategy and they'll be anxious to check his practice status this week.  Forte got stuffed on a weird and wacky weather game vs. Houston and the Bloodz just broke triple digits.  They looked human in this one, but you got to win those too if you're going to march to the #1 seed. The Bloodz get three Eleatic contenders, the Nauts, Girlz and Dangles. Since TTM holds an in-division edge - they need to run the table in order to ensure the bye and top seed in the playoffs.

Next week -AEthernauts- the Bloodz take on a playoff legacy in the always tough Aerial Explorers.  It's back to defend the Eleatic with zero margin for error.  The Bloodz will have to play without CJ?K and Harvin will get his bye to rest his ankle.  The Bloodz will be vulnerable again here, and if they don't hit 110 the bolt may slip their grasp here.


2.) BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng   (last week 2 )   7-3
-The German Philosphers picked up another key win in week 10 over barely there opposition, but they still earned it with a nice spread of double digits, including the all important double Cowboy titration. With Grossman falling, there may finally be some rest for the weary in the Milesian.  BDT now enjoys  an advantage in win percentage and division record over their rivals at the g0dbank.  With a handful of (at least) short term RB starters on their bench, BDT should have their work cut out setting the flex in the upcoming in division matches. BDT gets Pelicans, Grossman and Tusken FC to finish out.  The Adherents of Being control their own destiny, but a loss this week could make a week 12 match with Grossman the decider in the Milesian.

Next week  -ThePelicanBrief  - trying to run their streak to four BDT will see if they can finally expunge the Brief from the playoff record.   This is a grudge match, so expect both teams to show up guns blazing for the long awaited battle.  Their opponents will get RGIII (vs. leaky Philly pass D) Jamaal Charles and Greene back from a trade so this is a fair fight, if not exactly even footing.

3.) TakingTigerMountain (last week T.3)  7-3
Week 10 saw the Tigers take out their frustration on the Sand People by putting up their second biggest number of the year.  TTM was again led by the indomitable AP, who connected on another 50+ yd TD run on his way to a 25 point day.  The Mountain finally chose the right QB as Stafford picked up 3 TDs and 400 in a loss to Minnesota.  Though Jennings has been a complete bust at RB, there's rays of hope here.  Maclin got a lot more looks with Foles, Spiller should take a larger role if FJax misses time and Demaryius' injury scare proved to be just that.  Laser hot AP will take a seat in week 11, which will either prepare him to put this team on his back and run to the championship or completely break his stride. TTM gets Girlz, Stylez and Nauts to end the regular season.  They need to run the table and hope for a loss by the Bloodz to reclaim the division and bye, although 1 out of 3 is probably good enough for a wildcard now...

Next week -Phat Girlz- The Girlz bounced back with a win in week 10 and still hold their own destiny for a playoff spot.  Without AP the Tigers may look  a bit tamer.  But the Phat Ones will rest Eli, Lynchm0b.  Where this key division match goes is anyone's guess. 


4.) Phat Girlz (last week  5)  7-3
-The Girlz continued to sashay toward the finish line with a win over another prospective playoff team in week 10.  Eli has hit his midseason funk, but the Girlz have weathered it so far.  Jimmy Graham and the Lynchmob carried the Phat Ones in this one with superior performances.  But Houston's D stepped up for the third week in a row.  Meanwhile Sjax had his best day of the season in an extended game, but on the Girlz bench.  The Phat Ones get TTM, HSNB and Stylez to finish out.  Since the Primordial Ones have rolled over the Girlz are playing for post position here.  If they drop two the probably finish 5, if they win two they probably finish 4 (which is two sides of the same game).   A clean sweep might take them to 3, but since they already have 3 in the loss column in the Eleatic, they're unlikely to take the division.

Next week -TakingTigerMountain - with Eli resting and Alex Smith concussed, the call likely goes to the mercurial Carson Palmer, whose day could well decide which way this one swings.  Houston's J-ville match up has the Girlz licking their chops for a 20+ out of the D spot.  SJax should be good for 100 and a score against the Jets soft run defense. 

5.)  GrossmanSachs  (last week T. 3) 6-4
-The g0dbank took a hit in week 10 during a tough bye week when the Girlz sat on their B squad.  The Sachs were doomed when an early concussion knocked back up QB Cutler out of the game.  On the upside Ivory had a nice looking day running over the Atlanta defense rather than around it.  And the elusive Danny Woodhead scampered around Buffalo.  Both names are infamous in the last two fantasy years as high gamble split times and spot starters.  While it would take some balls to run either in the lineup every week, they should both provide some security in the coming weeks.  The Sachs get Trichs BDT, and SFF to finish out. They need to run the table and hope for a BDT loss to grab the Milesian bye. But with the fourth most points and a high powered offense, they could take the top seed - so the Sachs easily claim the widest range between 1-7 seeds depending on their performance. 

Next week -Trichotillomaniacs - the Sexy Rexies get the Trichs in a must-win Milesian mambo.  With three squads sitting at 5-5, it's all but guaranteed that someone will notch above .500 next week.  With Rodgers and Fitzy back the Sachs will look to avoid the percentage tie. With the Trichs missing R-burger and Nicks, they'll be at pains to pull together a challenge.


6.) AEthernauts  (Last week - 6) -  6-4
After dropping two in a row, the Nauts have the bubble teams licking their chops in week 11.  Hobbled by Vick's concussion the Nauts couldn't make triple digits and came into Monday clinging to a four point lead that didn't hold.  Rivers came on last week, so there should be at least some excitement to see him start in week 11.  The upside story has to be the game of the year for Calvin Johnson, where he finally gave that b34st the Nauts have been looking for. Hot and cold Turner went nowhere again, but how can you sit him? The Nauts get the Bloodz, Dangles and Mountain to end up.  In the bottom half of the scoring so far, they'll need two out of three to go this year. 

Next week -HomeSpunNeckBloodz- The Explorers try to keep their heads in the playoff clouds against the Bolt-holders in week 11.  With the Bloodz missing CJ?K there'll be an opening for an upset.  A win and they'll have the wind at their backs, a loss could drag them down to the depths. 

7.) ThePelicanBrief  (last week 8)  5-5
-The Brief opened the playoff door again with a week 10 win, then executed a super trade whose effects are unknown.  Dealing franchise QB RG3, the Brief picked up last year's model (Newton) and two backs (Charles and Greene).  It's a fascinating transition for a team that came out of the draft practically without a ground game.  In the short term it covers for FJax's concussion absence, and gives them a fighting chance to save their season against BDT this week.  In the long term it significantly downgrades their hype by divesting themselves of cover-boy RG3.  Perhaps the Brief are looking to go cheap on dynasty keepers as Cam will likely be a candidate for comeback player of the year in 2013.  As far as last minute IDP fixes go, Derick Johnson may go down in history.  He picked up the needed four points with room to spare and looks like an obvious start the rest of the way.  The Brief, like the other .500 teams, needs a sweep and some help.  They get BDT, TR, Trichs to finish.  A win over BDT would jumpstart their chances dramatically.

Next week - BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng  - PB made this a must-see TV with the trade.  Team leader Amendola could be back in the lineup.   San Francisco's D with have to step up and overperform against Chicago without Cutler to keep up with BDT's high powered attack. 


 T 8.)  SanFranciscoFerries (last week 7)   5-5
-The Ferries lost one that would have all but guaranteed their playoff ambitions, then went out and traded for a QB upgrade.  The back story of this has to be Martin. The muscle hamster's emergence gives the Ferries the confidence to trade two bell-cow backs. For the moment Felix will sit pretty with the starter position for Dallas.  Although if Murray returns that could be a drag in the playoff weeks.  It's a hard loss to swallow for the Ferries, but it's easy to see how it could inspire a trade move, even for a team with the inside track to the playoffs.  SFF's bench outscored their starters - they had plenty in their stable to take out the Bloodz, but they picked the wrong horses.  Selling high on finicky RB Charles in a failing offense seems like a win, and cutting bait with Cam makes sense as his adjustment to additional pocket presence has been slow.  It's hard to see slow-to-heal Run DMC playing a big factor down the stretch, but if he can get back he's a definite RB2/flex factor. The Ferries get TR, Trichs, and Grossman to finish.  Needing a clean sweep there's good odds that the Ferries can at least take this to week 13 to decide, but they may need to rack up some big numbers to close the points gap with g0dbank.

Next week -Tusken Raiders - Can the Ferries recover?  They'll take their first steps against the longest losing streak in the PSAS.  The Sand People are no pushovers, although their lack of interest in lineup-setting could rob them of one RB (Bradshaw's on a bye).  The Ferries need to go into their final match up with Grossman 7-5 to have a shot at winning their way in. 

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T. 8.)  Cincinnati Dangles (last week 8)   5-5
-The Dangles  made it two in a row in week 10 but still have a long road to the playoffs. Breesus bowled over 20, and sporting his own pair of wins- he's the wind at Cincinnati's backs going into division play. Gonzo returned to early season form with 24 to lead the squad.  The Falcon's D should have an easier time against Arizona next week.   AJ Green is the obvious difference maker down the stretch.  If he can keep up his production, then the Dangles have a shot at pulling off their playoff dream.The Dangles get Stylez, Nauts and Bloodz to end the season. Since the Dangles are a higher scoring team, there are a couple scenarios in which they can go at 7-6 and take the 6 spot.  Still the surest road is a clean sweep.

Next week -  Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz®  - with T-Rich back the Dangles go against the non-entity Stylez.  Just because it's a gimme doesn't make it less important.  This is the last sub .500 team they'll see.  And looking toward a potential playoff tie (points scored is a tie breaker and they're currently third in the league, just ahead of Grossman) they can't afford to take their foot off the gas.


10.) Trichotillomaniacs (last week 10) 2-8
-When heartbreak is a weekly event, is it still heartbreaking?  With a chance at a MNF comeback, the Trichs watched their QB R-burger take possible season ending injury.  Their offense was strictly single digits, while they picked up a few good games from the K, DEF, and IDP positions.  No team has been more active on the wire than the Trichs, and none more adamant about giving up.  All we can say is that there's a worthy prize for the consolation tournament, so plenty of reason to keep putting up good numbers.

Next week -GrossmanSachs - the Sachs are playing for their spot in the top six, and these two just swapped running backs.  Without the Burger the Trichs will be serious dogs.  We hope they don't miss Morris at draft time in 2013.

11.) Pr1m0rdi4lLyfestylz®  (last week 11)  1-9
-It impossible to say too little about this.  The Stylez failed again in fine style, leaving 3x the points on their bench.  They appear to have offered up their season to the g0dz, after sitting Brady and Gr0nk for weeks now.

Next week -Cincinnati Dangles - the Dangles will be the next recepient of the free win on the schedule.

12.) Tusken Raiders (last week 12) 1-9
-.The Raiders are at least leaving their best team on the field, even if they didn't fill every position.  Their predicted upset hasn't come yet.  But it's still a very real possibility.  The Sand People are capable of putting up 90+ points even on autopilot.  If a wildcard contender slips up, they're gonna get got.

Next week -SanFranciscoFerries - the Ferries are the next to run the Tatooine gauntlet.  If the Raiders don't mend their lineup they'll be without Bradshaw.  The Ferries should be favorites, but not as much as the market line will indicate.