SOUTHERN DISPATCH #2: Live from Olustee

Location: Baker County

Campaign: Florida Expedition (1864)

Date(s): February 20, 1864

Principal Commanders: Brig. Gen. Truman Seymour [US]; Brig. Gen. Joseph Finegan [CS]

Forces Engaged: Division [US]; District of East Florida [CS]

Estimated Casualties: 2,806 total (US 1,860; CS 946)

Description: In February 1864, the commander of the Department of the South, Maj. Gen. Quincy A. Gillmore, launched an expedition into Florida to secure Union enclaves, sever Rebel supply routes, and recruit black soldiers. Brig. Gen. Truman Seymour moved deep into the state, occupying, destroying, and liberating, meeting little resistance on February 20, he approached Brig. Gen. Joseph Finegan’s 5,000 Confederates entrenched near Olustee. One infantry brigade pushed out to meet Seymour’s advance units. The Union forces attacked but were repulsed. The battle raged, and as Finegan committed the last of his reserves, the Union line broke and began to retreat. Finegan did not exploit the retreat, allowing most of the fleeing Union forces to reach Jacksonville.

Result(s): Confederate victory

___________

The surprising revelation of the symbolic implications of this Fourth season has had a very unsurprising effect: the Commissioner has abdicated his post for "other reasons". His final salvo is a "Call for Democracy", a sad legacy for a League that, based on an era pre-conceptus, is very un-democratic. That is to say, merit-based, which, of course, refers singularly to the will schlicht und einfach ("plain and simple").

With this in mind, it is prudent to respond to the many questions that were posed to me following last week's revelations.

(LEAVE FURTHER QUESTIONS IN THE COMMENT BOX FOR RESPONSE)

1. Is the Coming of the Four-fold another power grab?

Earth, Sky, Mortals, and Divinities is in no way a power-grab. It is a GE-STELL.

A Ge-stell is an enframing.

Enframing means the gathering together of the setting-upon that sets upon man, i.e. challenges him forth, to reveal the actual, in the mode of ordering, as standing-reserve.Put differently, "Enframing, as a challenging-forth into ordering, sends into a way of revealing. Enframing is an ordaining of destining, as is every way of revealing. Bringing-forth, poiesis, is also a destining in this sense

You may think of it in terms of pre-serving. The four-fold is a servant. As that which pre-serves, the four-fold pro-tects that which has been revealed, the techne and tikto.

The four-fold serves.

In this way, the four-fold acts as a shep-herd, standing on all four points of the League: North, South, East and West. 1, 2, 3, and 4. Perfectly divisible, yet in perfect balance. The Four-fold allows destining to happen. Like a shepherd that pre-serves the League, by bringing the PSAS into balance, it en-ables the League to dwell within its destining.

Only if we are capable of dwelling, only then can we build.

2: What does it mean to dwell?

The real plight of dwelling does not lie merely in a lack of houses. The real plight of dwelling is indeed older than the world wars with their destruction, older also than the increase of the earth's population and the condition of the industrial workers. The real dwelling plight lies in this, that mortals ever search anew for the nature of dwelling, that they must ever learn to dwell.

The Rise and Coming of the Four-Fold is the PSAS's chance to build its way towards a Beautiful Future. Building thus characterized is a distinctive letting-dwell. Whenever it is such in fact, building already has responded to the summons of the Fourfold. All planning remains grounded on this responding, and planning in turn opens up to the designer the precincts suitable for the Fourfold's designs.

Thus, the Four-Fold is the way to pro-tect, to en-sure, to pre-serve the PSAS. We dwell within this balance, against the reflection of the earth, sky, mortals, and divinities, giving us purpose, value, and meaning. As such, we dwell within the pre-servation of the fourfold, to the fullness of our nature. It lets us be.

This is the nature of dwelling.

In the PSAS, we must dwell to survive.

Casino Gulag Bonus Games - Week 8

It's a ghoulish time of year for the ghoul-ag. So let's get down to some seriously scary stuff. Kickers. Ghostly remnants of the pre forward-pass era, nothing ruins a good fantasy drive like the conservative field goal. And yet, tack on a few 50+ yarders and the most disrespected man on your team might outstrip your QB. Let's play Kickers, the Yahoo line for up to 5k.

John Kasay vs. Rams











Dan Bailey vs Eagles















and
PPR KING
Also, along the lines of our former bonus games (Touchdown Vulture and Teasing Stallion), let's play PPR king. Some guys rule the slot. Some running backs check in for the 3rd down screen. Some guys just live on checkdown trash while better corners cover better wideouts. In some leagues they reward these players with a point per reception. Appropriately spooooky for Halloween. Three guesses, 1k each - who will get the most receptions without going over 100 yards or scoring a touchdown. Primordial Reserve kicks in 40k into the pot.

Democracy - A Call for Submissions

Fellow citizens of the PSAS,

As many of you know, the time for the birth of my son closes fast apace. Learned phsysiks have opined November 29th as the date of his arrival. But our astrological calculations place him more squarely in the sign of the Scorpion. Despite this momentous event, I will continue to execute the office of commissioner to the best of my ability - though a shadow government will be in place for emergencies. What I do require is help with the Power Rankings. I enjoy writing the PRs as part of my weekly ritual, but for the forseeable future I would be honored if everybody pitched in.The weeks required are 8 through 13. Obviously you are free to write them however the muse moves you. If you want to help out, please respond to this post with the week or weeks for which you would be willing to sign up.

Thanks,
The Commish

\/\/33k 8 p0\/\/3R R4/\/K1/\/Gz

The third bye week brought a plague of injuries. Those spared are no doubt counting their lucky stars, while those cursed are seeing them. We saw a return to form for one of the league's greats, more of the same from others. One team went all in, several teams checked out, and some are just barely treading water. It's going to be a record breaking offensive season for the NFL, it's already been one for the PSAS. Things are starting to take shape.






12. Phat Girlz (0-7) (last week 12)
We get it. The Girlz don't want to play this year. But just a reminder that the highest draft pick goes to the winner of the consolation tournament, not the worst regular season record. Meaning if they lose every last game they'll end up with a decidedly mediocre sixth pick in next year's draft.

Next Week - Trichs - At this point if the Girlz win, we'll chalk it up to an accident. They haven't set a lineup in weeks.

11. Cincinnati Dangles (2-5) (last week 10) -

Everybody was cheering for the Dangles to take out the mighty Raiders this week. But they failed to set their line-up and missed out on the Tuskens lowest score of the year. Losing ace kicker Janikowski won't help matters. The Dangles have been hesitant to go to the wire this year, now they've got too many holes not to. Also of note, the Dangles have the tough-luck award under wraps, with a more than 100 pt lead on the points against column.

Next Week - Sachs - Byes for Matty Ice and Jennings make this an up hill battle. If they fill the lineup they'll have a chance though.

10. dETHRONED_kING (2-4-1) - (last week 11)

Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. The kING should savor a long draught of b34st this week, after dropping 145 on the Ferries. Their best outing of the season couldn't have come at a more crucial moment. Tebow won't play Miami every week. But if Foster has found his groove (40 btw) then watch out. This team is every bit as dangerous as pre-season rankings called them. The Monarch probably needs a bit of help in the form of chaos in the wildcard race - in addition to helping themselves to several key upsets.

Next Week - Nauts - You have to think the Royals will be pumped for this one. After picking up their second victory of the season, finding a new QB and getting their elite RB in G0d-mod3, they'll come out swinging against their Milesian comrades.

9 . Trichotillomaniacs (3-4) (last week T. 8) -

Chaos in the Far-East appears to be taking a toll on the Hair-Pullers as they got squashed in their hardest bye-week. Probably the best news for the Trichs is that Colston appears to have returned to full WR1 form. While the most disappointing news has to be the steady decline of Rivers into QB3 mediocrity. Their schedule is friendly to a playoff run, but they'll have to nail down wins where they can get them.

Next Week - PG - a softer opponent is just what the Trichs need to get them back in Natty Dread mode. Frank the Tank could be in for another 100 yard game against Cleveland, and with Nicks back against Miami this should be a cake-walk.

8. Vixkennel.com (3-4) (last week T.8 ) -

The Dawgs stopped the bleeding this week against the hapless Girlz. But Front house moves seem to have sold the carpet from beneath their feet. Gone is Ray Rice, one of the top backs in the league. Here is Matt Stafford - a QB who throws to the best wide receiver in the league. Meanwhile the R-burger continued his on-again off-again season with a resounding 26 against the Cardinals. Forte will struggle to carry the load unless the Champ opens his purse and starts raining cash on the wire.

Next Week - TTM - it's a particularly bad week for VIx on the bye. So bad, they may have to drop a starter or two to field a full team. But, TTM's unlikely running attack will be severely hobbled. This could be a fair, but low-scoring fight.


T 6. GrossmanSachs (4-3) (last week T. 5)

The Bankers bottomed out against the Nauts in their week-without-Vick. But an out of division loss isn't the worst thing in the world. Greene's progress is encouraging, although Mendy's apparent regression is worrying. The team has lived and died by Vick and AJ Green this year, so we'll be able to take a more accurate temperature when they return.

Next Week - Dangles - The Sachs stay in the Milesian with a winnable one against the Dangles. They need it to stay in the Eleatic race, so expect the Bankers to pull out all the stops here.


T. 6. SF Ferries (4-3) (last week 3) -

Cam won the SEC QB battle but the Ferries dropped a shocker to the King. They may be having trouble adjusting to the West Coast lifestyle, because they left a few spots vacant (out of character for this franchise). Then again, voting against themselves, they may have had little motivation to come out the victor here. The Ferries have been the big winners before in the Gulag. Hillis' contract/injury situation have turned into a full-blown train wreck for this squad. So air-power may be the major thrust of the offense here (sooner they get Andre Johnson back, then better).

Next Week -The Ferries will face a Raiders squad without Run DMC and try to do the rest of the league a favor by handing them a L.

T. 4. Tusken Raiders (5-2) (last week T. 6) -

Who's scary this Halloween? The Tuskens. They faced up to their Brady-bye and pulled out another victory. Somehow, all of this is without CJ2k. Run DMC's injury is worrying, but with his bye coming up anyway, they'll catch a break there in all likelihood. The Tuskens got away with a win in a game where their IDP and kicker easily outscored the rest of their team, true the Pats bye and McFadden's injury had most to do with that. But a lucky win puts them in the thick of the playoff contenders, still undefeated in the Milesian.


Next Week - Ferries - Another in division for the Tuskens, without Run DMC they may be vulnerable a legitimately high-ceiling Ferries team, but with Brady likely raking the Giants secondary they'll be in this one regardless.

T. 4. Taking Tiger Mountain (5-2) (Last Week T. 6) -

They're already calling it the "Miracle on Tiger Mountain". The first D/ST drafted this year came up big again (aided by the Curse of Ray Rice™). The Tigers might have got the worst of the injury bug, and face a big downgrade in their run game. Willis McGahee and Beanie Wells both down in the same day. What's more a combined 8 points from them in what could be their last performance in a while left TigerMountain grasping at straws all weekend. The blowout victories of the first four weeks seem very far away indeed, and the Tiger fans are already in open revolt over their failure to make any significant pick-ups during the fat times to prepare for the inevitable famine. V-Jax got Revis'd, the Tigers should hope that's all that was wrong there. Oh and by the way Brees had a nice bounce back game throwing 5 TDs.

-
Next Week - Vix - The Tigers need this one in the worst way. Their schedule from here on in is chock-a-block with serious opponents. After already dropping one the Eleatic division, the Tigers must win or hand the division to Pelicans outright.

3. BldgDwllngThnkng (3-3-1) - (last week T. 1)-

The Monday Night heroics of TTM's squad aside, the real story was in the front office where the Heideggerians bought some serious mojo off the wire, and made the first blockbuster trade of the year to secure their elite status. With Rice, F-Jax, Forte & Murray in their stable they're far and away the deepest ground game in the league. Take Rice's terrible Monday night as you will - as J-ville's motivated Run-D, as a bad night, or as punishment from the Godz. While we still think they might regret leaving Romo without a serious back-up, it's just a matter of time until Austin lights up the league (whoever's throwing to him).

Next Week - Pelicans - Honestly, take a look at BDT's line-up and take a look at their schedule and ask yourself if they're going to loose a game the rest of the year. They might not, but after an emotional loss Monday they might need some help to get back in the Milesian race. They'll start off lucky catching the Pelicans while they're missing Superman Rodgers.

2. AEthernauts (5-2) (last week T. 3) -

Zeus' thunderbolt stays with the longest winning streak at 5 after the Nauts handled the Bankers in a low-scorer in Week 7. It was the Nauts lowest score of the year, and still not too shabby for a bye week. Hopefully, Blount will be back after his bye, since Graham got knocked out. AP is the guts of this franchise, so signs of life from Minnesota are a boost for their playoff ambitions. If Stafford's arm starts to become a question, Calvin's epic adventure could get downgraded. There's no other team in the league whose fortunes are still riding so directly on the continued health of their keepers.

Next Week - Dk - big-time Milesian showdown with the Dethroned One. The Nauts have a chance to knock the King's playoff chances back seriously, or to be the "upset" in this game of possum. A loss here will put the Milesian back in play for several other teams.

1. The Pelican Brief (5-2) (last week T. 1) -

The Legal Thrillers continue to excite with a big win over the Trichs. Rodgers continued to dominate, and his fellow keeper Gates returned to form, which could be the final piece of the Pelican puzzle. A perfect 4-0 in the Eleatic, the division is now theirs to lose (although they'll play TTM in the regular season finale). They're the top scorer in the league and still increasing their lead. With little cash in the kitty the Pelicans will have to make some tough decisions about lineups in the coming weeks. The #1 ranking has been a target so far this year, and no one has worn the mantle for long.

Next Week - BDT - in a truly premier match-up against a bitter rival, the Pelicans will have to go without Rodgers. Since they don't keep another QB on the roster, that means they'll have to wade in the shallow end of the QB pool to fish one out. It could be a long day for the Dirty Birds, but with Welker and Gates both in easy match-ups, don't count them out

CGG Recap: Week 8

We had four players in the Pick 6 at 5k each. And we were much more accurate than usual:

TTM 5
SFF 5
BDT 4
Trichs 4

We'll go from 75%, so there's a positive result. So TTM and SFF will each walk with 2.5k net. The perfect pot grows to 60k.

Lamar Woodley took the individual match-up with 6.6 points. So TTM and BDT both pick up 5k. Trichs, GS, SFF all drop 5k on Ray-Ray.

Teasing Stallion:

Steve Smith 149 yards
MJD - 104 yards
Mark Ingram - 91 yards
Willis McGahee - 76 yards

So, congratulations to Grossman Sachs the winner of the Teasing Stallion game they'll net a cool 42k for the pick.

Southern Dispatch #1: Live From Natural Bridge

Location: Leon County

Campaign: Operations near St. Marks, Florida (1865)

Date(s): March 6, 1865

Principal Commanders: Maj. Gen. John Newton [US]; Maj. Gen. Sam Jones [CS]

Forces Engaged: 2nd U.S. Colored Infantry and 99th U.S. Colored Infantry [US]; Kilcrease Artillery; Dunham’s Battery; Abell’s

Battery; 5th Florida Cavalry; 1st Florida Militia; Barwick’s Company Reserves; Hodges Company Reserves; Company A, Milton Light Artillery; Companies A, B, and F, Reserves and reinforcements from Georgia amounting to approx. 1,000 men [CS]

Estimated Casualties: 174 (US 148; CS 26)

Description: Maj. Gen. John Newton had undertaken a joint force expedition to engage and destroy Confederate troops that had attac

ked at Cedar Keys and Fort Myers and were allegedly encamped somewhere around St. Marks. The Navy had trouble getting its ships up the St. Marks River. The Army force, however, had advanced and, after finding one bridge destroyed, started before dawn on March 6 to attempt to cross the river at Natural Bridge. The troops initially pushed Rebel force

s back but not away from the bridge. Confederate forces, protected by breastworks, guarded all of the approaches and the bridge itself. The action at Natural Bridge lasted most of the day, but, unable to take the bridge, the Union troops retreated to the protection of the fleet.

Result(s): Confederate victory

____________

After months of negotiation, BDT and Vickskennel completed a trade sending Desean Jackson and Ray Rice to the BDT, for Matthew Stafford. The other players are throw-ins. For the second year in a row, BDT's hopes pin of Tony Romo. At first glance an ordinary eye would see BDT getting the better of the deal. Rice is a good RB, and DeSean Jackson is a good WR. But interestingly, BDT also dealt its #2 pick next year for a player (Rice) a majority would regard as a keeper. This author does not care either way, except for...

The Death of the Keeper League?

The end of the "Keeper-era" appears near, something both contracting parties were surely aware of before inking the deal. One of the central tenants of contract formation law is that ordinary terms will be given their plain, ordinary meaning. Thus a "second round pick" according to the Yahoo! simulation means, indeed, the second rounder from all players. This is a great boon for Vickskennel in 2012.

_______________

The keeper league will go down as a failed idea on the commissioner's watch, but it is worth noting that the idea was born out of the Kennel, and was probably an attempt at subterfuge. It worked; the gift-wrapped grenade detonated in TTM's hands on draft day, during an event devoid of its usual excitement and primordial energy. The green Commish will have to learn his lessons the hard way. But other intel obtained from a school out west indicates that one team thinks the job is too big for "on the job training".

_______________

Why now?

Why not nothing?

_____________

To begin answering this question one must have an understanding of the primordial fourfold and its power that holds sway over the League. This is the Year of the Four. Year One was the Year of the One. Its Symbolic Sway was Earth. Year Two was the Year of the Two, its Symbolic Sway was Sky. Year Three was the Year of the Three. Its Symbolic Sway, was Mortals.

The Symbolic Sway of the fourth and final year of the four-fold is the gods. The Divinities.

At the end of the along, arduous journey that is the season, each Champion not only receives the laurel of the Championship, but also something even greater: a seat at the Table, as Part of the Four-Fold. It is akin to a Rushmore or to the Four Horsemen.

For you chocolate-lovers, there is only One Golden TIcket left.

Four has long been a number of completion, stability and predictability. It is ideation and self-expression, the creation itself, the finished idea. Four is the material manifestation of three, the actual physical realisation, order and systematisation of the idea. It is the making real of the dream represented by three.

Pictured: The four-fold of perfect spirals, as depicted from Chapter 4 of Pre-Socratic AllStarz Mythology, Volume 2.

Think about it: "on the earth" already means "under the sky." Both of these also mean "remaining before the divinities" and include a "belonging to men's being with one another." By a primal oneness the four-earth and sky, divinities and mortals-belong together in one. Earth is the serving bearer, blossoming and fruiting, spreading out in rock and water, rising up into plant and animal. When we say earth, we are already thinking of the other three along with it, but we give no thought to the simple oneness of the four. The sky is the vaulting path of the sun, the course of the changing, moon, the wandering glitter of the stars, the year's seasons and their changes, the light and dusk of day, the gloom and glow of night, the clemency and inclemency of the weather, the drifting clouds and blue depth of the ether. When we say sky, we are already thinking of the other three along with it, but we give no thought to the simple oneness of the four. The mortals are the human beings. They are called mortals because they can die. To die means to be capable of death as death. Only man dies, and indeed continually, as long as remains on earth, under the sky, before the divinities. When we speak of mortals, we are already thinking of the other three along with them, but we give no thought to the simple oneness of the four. The divinities are the beckoning messengers of the godhead. 0ut of the holy sway of the godhead, the god appears in his presence or withdraws into his concealment. When we speak of the divinities, we are already thinking of the other three along with them, but we give no thought to the simple oneness of the four. __________ By now it should come as no surprise that the vast majority of the PSAS has given no thought to the simple oneness of the four. That is to say, the Four-Fold that will come to completion and into perfect existence at the end of the Year of the Four.

Pictured: four-fold within complete circle, as seen through DMT trip.

The truth is that the Year of the Four is One Long Procession to determine the Fourth and Final place at the table of the pre-Socratic AllStarz four-fold.

*********

It is a violent struggle as time falls through the hourglass for the remaining players to secure the final slot and gain initiation to the One thing they want most, eternal belonging to the four-fold.

It is doubtful anyone has paid any mind to the origins underlying the franchise name BuildingDwelling Thinking. But the general manager is piously paying homage to the four-fold. In the work "Building, Dwelling, Thinking", there is expansive illustration of the four-fold and its holding sway-in-the-world-ness. He knows it, and is properly petrified at the thought of being left out of the Four-Fold forever. Thus, he is "all in" to drink the holy milk from the silver chalice of the gods this year. He is willing to do anything to be part of the Four-fold, knowing that once the opportunity is extinguished, there is no changing it.

Pictured: The silver chalice of the Year of the Equinox (five).

He is not concerned about next year. Not now. Because this is the year the New Order will be set in stone forever.

__________

The Maniacs, psychdog, and Vickskennel also know it, even if you don't. Why do you think Vickskennel gave away his two best players for a 2nd Rounder for next year? Why do you think the gods struck down the King before the season started? And the Maniacs struggles? Most will probably dismiss this as coincidence, but do so at your own peril.

It is because, as was Foretold in the Beginning, They are not to win the Championship this year. A New Champion must emerge. These three must simply bide their time in the background, under cloak, until the Fourth emerges to meet them, and all Four can Rise up together, AS ONE.

This will happen next year . . . Year Five: the Season of the Equinox.

________

During this season, all balance will have been achieved. There will be 12 teams. Four divisions, "fiefdoms". Each member of the Four-Fold, will control their small Kingdom. And they will do this by literally carving up their kingdoms from a map. The Maniacs (symbolising the Earth) may take the Land of Elea. Psych dog (symbolising the Sky) may take the Land of Ephesus. The Kennel (symbolizing the mortals) may take the Land of Ionia. This will be achieved through negotiation during the offseason. But there is another Land that has emerged, and will come under the PSAS rule. This is the Land of Aethenae, or Athens. These four Lands will be ruled by the Four-Fold.

And like the Trail of Tears, the unfortunate eight will be ushered into these kingdoms by the wisdom of the four-fold.

This is what is Coming.

/End Dispatch.

Trichs Players Under Investigation For Doping

Far East Times reported Thursday that three current or former Trichotillomanic players are under investigation for violation of the PSAS substance abuse policy.  Times report didn’t identify the players nor the substance involved, but it is widely speculated that RB Tim Hightower, WR Eric Decker and WR Devery Henderson are being investigated for their use of ephedrine.  They failed the test administered after the game on week 5.  The team released Henderson before the week 6 game, and both Hightower and Decker sat on the bench against the Vickskennel.com.

Analysis: Too Much Tao Keeping Trichs At .500?

The Trichotillomaniacs headquarters in Sunset Park, Brooklyn, usually smells more of herbs than sweat or money.  Often times on the stove in the team cafeteria are pots of coicis seed or angelicae root decoctions simmering for hours, and in many of personal care rooms wear players receive tui na or shiatsu massages or, more eagerly by many players, acupuncture and moxibustion sessions.  It is widely known that some of the herbal decoctions that the players are given for their external and internal wears and tears they take in partaking in the PSAS fantasy football may contain substances that can enhance the performance of these players, but evidences are inconclusive as to how much effect it may have on the outcome of a match.  Nevertheless, the league has clearly decided to crack down on uses of some of these medicinal herbs that the Trichs give to their players throughout the week.

It is suspected that it was a simple formula for cold that got the three players, Tim Hightower, Eric Decker and Devery Henderson, in trouble.  Ma Oh Toh (Chinese: Ma Huang Tang), or the Ephedrae Decoction, is one of the most popular herbal formulas against the common cold in the eastern medicinal herbal tradition.  It is made by putting the stem of ephedra plant with medicinal grade cinnamon twig, apricot kernel and licorice root in a large pot of boiling water for about 20 minuets.  The strained decoction is then taken by patients that are coming down with cold, starting to feel the chills creeping in, may have slight fever and such, and the formula is designed to induce sweating in these patients to drive the pathogen out. 

Ephedrine, the active ingredient in the plant, is a bronchodilator that also increases blood pressure.   It is structurally similar to amphetamine and methamphetamine but its psychological effects such as heightened concentration is much weaker than its counterparts.  There’s not enough evidence scientifically to prove that ephedrine is performance enhancing. 

One thing that is clear is that this is another sort of distraction, following the “Decker-gate” scandal earlier in the season, that the lone team from the Far East doesn’t need if they want to improve from mediocrity.  In some circle here in Sunset Park the discussion has shifted from the style of coaching head coach Lao Tzu employs to for how much longer the Old One will be coaching.  It is widely known here that the ownership group, Far East Football Club Inc. is running out of patience, which the head coach himself has plenty of.  There’s always the chance of the Old One himself walking away, setting himself in recluse as Taoists often do. 

Lao’s rival Confucius’s name has long been mentioned as a possible replacement as the head coach.  General Far East, the acting general manager of the team, once commented, “emphasis on concepts such as loyalty and filial piety may be what’s needed for this team” alluding to the Confucian ideals. 

Another name that has surfaced recently is that of Han Fei.  His legalism is thought by some in the fantasy circle to be the only philosophy that explains the power PSAS team owners can exert upon their teams.   Chinese legalism gives absolute authority to the ruler.  He is, literally, the rule.  Han Fei may not be the best choice as Lao’s replacement, however.  Critics are skeptical if the players will respond to avoiding punishment as a means of motivation after getting used to Lao’s easy-going style. 

 

In other news from the Far East:

-       The team has finally given up on RB Dexter McCluster.  After the season-ending injury to Jamaal Charles, the team expected his numbers would elevate to the level envisioned when he was drafted.  Instead he was limited as to the number of touches he received in each game including the return game, and never really produced as the team had hoped.  He was released to make room for K Connor Barth.  McCluster became expendable after the team acquired RBs Joseph Addai, who is hoping to recover from his hamstring injury soon, and Ricky Williams through the waiver wire.  The team has coveted Ricky Williams for a long time.  Head coach Lao Tzu has said that “[Williams] is a guy that follows the tao.”

-       Barth joins fellow Tar Heel WR Hakeem Nicks in the Mania locker room after DE Julius Peppers was released the past week.  Limping yet productive Peppers, long time Mania and a fan favorite, was mysteriously replaced by also injured Richard Seymour.  Peppers now plays for the AEthernauts. 

-       Despite having doubled the number of RBs from 2.5 to 5 in the lasts two weeks, the buzz around town is that the team is still interested in acquiring a starting RB.  Every offensive player except RB Frank Gore is said to be available for a trade involving a quality back. 

Casino Gulag Bonus Games Week 7

The poor shouldn't gamble, but with games like these who can blame them. After turning over muscle and financing to the Banks the PSAS Casino Gulag is running a record profit. When business is good you double down, and that's exactly what we're doing. Lets play two again this week.

Game 1 - LB Battle - take the final Yahoo line between these two linebackers and predict what happens. Play up to 5k.

Ray Lewis vs. Jacksonville












vs

Lamar Woodley vs Arizona













Game 2 - Teasing the Stallion - as the Bankers outlined. Lets play for the anti-vulture. Same rules as TD vulture last week. Up to 3 picks per owner. Each costs a thousand. Except now the Reserve kicks in 30k. Most yardage from scrimmage without a TD or two point conversion wins.

Bona Fortuna

Wes Welker Enrolls in Emerson College's Experimental Media Production Program

Wes Welker announced this morning that he has officially enrolled in Emerson College's Experimental Media Production program and is pursuing a MFA in Media Art. The announcement comes in the midst of the Patriots' bye week and during what Welker has described as his Brakhage period.

Welker has promised to release his latest opus exclusively on the official PSAS blog within the next week.

Teasing Stallion!

As part of Grossman-Sachs ongoing operation to point out the Tyranny of Touchdowns (Operation Adequate Titration), your G0dbank submits a new Casino Gulag Game. It's the exact opposite of Touchdown Vulture (which may still come back up on Fortuna's wheel another day), and it's called Teasing Stallion.

Here Matt Forte can be seen lubricating the fickle mare, Goalline, for
Marion Barber to come in and ram it home.

In Teasing Stallion, the player who gains the most yards from scrimmage (meaning only via rushing and receiving) without scoring a touchdown or two-point conversion is your Teasing Stallion of the week.

If you can understand these words, maybe you can one
day run the Hermann Goering Casino Gulag.

Why Teasing Stallion? You mean, besides the fact that it clearly came up on Fortuna's Wheel? Because touchdowns are ridiculously overvalued, and it's important we know who this benefits and who it hurts. In this sense, I think of touchdowns like moneyshots in porn. Of course, if you were only going to watch the highlights, they'd be in there, but if you see the narrative as a whole, you realize they're just a few seconds. Continuing the analogy, John Holmes is College Percy Harvin and Peter North is College Tim Tebow; someone's doing all the work, but someone else is getting all the glory. It's clear now, right?

\/\/33K 7 P0\/\/3r R4/\/k1/\/Gz

A second bye week, sunk scores back toward 2009 levels. It's getting crowded at the top of both divisions. We're six games down, seven to go - so as close to halfway as an odd number will allow. Early season streaks are over, and the trench warfare has commenced.





12. Phat Girlz (0-6) (last week 12)
Same old song, the Girlz played well this week, but were damned by a combination of bad luck and carelessness. Three empty IDP spots might have made up the difference against BDT, but so could a Manningham touchdown that got ruled incomplete. Bradshaw's beastly day went wasted, and the lost season continued.

Next Week - vIX - the Girlz season is going to the Dawgz in more ways than one in Week 7. They'll take a shot at a flailing Kennel Klub, but with several tough byes themselves. They'll be hard-pressed to pull off the upset.

11. dETHRONED_kING (1-4-1) - (last week 11)

In the preamble to Tebow's big day, the kING looked like they need Tim more than ever. Moves were made, money was spent, but the result was the same. Only the Royals kicker exited double figures. The kIngs IDP are still elite, and there are the pieces here to win. This was going to be a rough one from the start, and there's still playoff potential here, one win at a time. Clearly the ownership has doubled down, so that's got to give the team some confidence.

Next Week - Ferries - The Reelin' Royals will face the Ferries who picked up their second loss of the season Sunday. There are some hard byes for their opponent and with the Master Circumciser at the helm, there's no telling who'll be approaching the Throne in this one.

10. Cincinnati Dangles (2-4) (last week T. 9) -

The Dangles faced up to a bye week, and put their best team on the field. That was unlikely to beat the Nauts, but there's no reason to shrivel up. McCoy continues to put up great numbers. Matty Ice seems to be chilling out for the stretch run. And WW-pickup James Jones got a piece of the Packers offensive blitzkrieg

Next Week - Raiders - A big in division match-up, the Raiders will be vulnerable with out Brady, but every point will count. Is it time to part ways with Cole, who hasn't played in three weeks and has a bye? A win here keeps the Dangles in the playoff picture.

T. 8 . Trichotillomaniacs (3-3) (last week T. 9) -

The Hair-pullers held off a late run from the Dawgz on Monday night and pulled back to .500. Gore continues to lead the team, and Colston returned in a big way. If he's Brees' favorite wideout going forward, the Trichs could be very dangerous indeed. The Trichs ceiling is not amazingly high, but they've got some consistent pieces. They've only played two in division, so the next two Eleatic match-ups are crucial if they want to stay in play for the division.

Next Week - Pelicans - It's another bye-nightmare for the Trichs as they'll be missing three starters this week. They'll be working overtime to knock off the Eleatic leaders in a big in division game.

T. 8. Vixkennel.com (2-4) (last week T.7 ) -

The Dawgz were improved after their epic fail in week 5. But not enough to put down the Trichs. Ray Rice put up 16, but nobody really stepped up, with the possible exception of IDP Ray Lewis who continues to tackle like a machine. They lost the guessing game between Freeman an the Burger yet again, and it doesn't look any easier the rest of the way. With all the other defenses in the NFC south flailing, is Freeman now an automatic start in division? After winning their first two the Dawgs have dropped four straight, only finding triple digits once in that span.

Next Week - PG - The Kennel Klub gets an easier match-up to get them back on track. They'll have to do it without DJax, perhaps Williams or Lloyd will step up. Or maybe the Klub will drop some change on thew wire. They need a win to stay in the hunt.

T. 6. Tusken Raiders (4-2) (last week T. 7) -

Two in a row for the Raiders, who held court over the kIng. Run DMC continues to rule the league, and the Brady-Hernandez connection hooked up for the double titration. The Raiders are a powerful squad (fourth in scoring), and if Chris Johnson ever gets going they'll be straight up elite. How they ride next weeks byes could well determine their season. A nice double titration on Revis' pick 6 gives them the Beast of the Week. The Raiders remaining schedule is tough, they need a show-me win in week 7 to stick in the top half.

Next Week - Dangles - with Brady and Hernandez out the Raiders are not as formidable. They need to buckle down and grind out a win in this Milesian match-up. Hasslebeck should step up and take the helm.

T. 6. Taking Tiger Mountain (4-2) (Last Week 2) -

The Tigers finally boinked, as Breesus threw three picks and the various handcuffs failed to contribute in a losing effort. Colston's return likely makes Meachem and Moore worthless. Still, SJax was a TD away of a good day, and Stevie found the endzone again. Graham continues to be the Tigers most consistent piece, the Tiger's fate week-to-week may hinge on Brees hitting him in the endzone. The superstitious Tiger fanbase needs a win in the worst way, since they tempted the godz by equaling last season's win total so quickly.
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Next Week - BDT - The Mr. Gatti's bowl figures to be a powerful match-up. The Tigers will have all their pieces together and are no doubt hungry to prove that their early season run was no fluke, after dropping two straight. The Bresus-Jimmy connection will face Indy, and Stevie will hit his bye.


T 3. GrossmanSachs (4-2) (last week T. 5)

The 1% hosed the Ferries back behind the police barrier in Week 6. Vick won the running-QB match-up. And Mendy beasted in a game coming off his injury. Four position players in double digits puts you in position to win games. Chicago's defense annihilated the Vikings. The J-Beast's concussion is worrying, but it comes in front of his bye - that's a bit of luck.

Next Week - Nauts - Another top notch battle as the Bankers square off against another 4-2 squad. The Bankers may be bearish about this one with Vick and Greene on byes. It'll be interesting to see if Cutler draws the start against the Tampa 2.

T3. AEthernauts (4-2) (last week T. 5) -

The Nauts notched their fourth straight victory, ascending to new heights in the Milesian. A ridiculous day for kicker Billy Cundiff helped the Nauts to a big victory, but there was double digit participation all over their roster. The Nauts went for Graham to fill in for Blount, and he paid off against a weak Saints run D. Zeus' thunderbolt, where else would it be than in the AEther? The Nauts have been crushing lately.

Next Week - Sachs - Prime time against the Bankers, this one is surely on the marquee. With Eli on the bye, the Nauts will go to Flacco. Cincy is on bye as well, so the Explorers will need to fish for a new D/ST. Both teams are contenders in their respective divisions, a win will set them on the path to a playoff bye.

3. SF Ferries (4-2) (last week 1) -

The Bankers sunk the Ferries streak in week 6 with Andre Johnson out. Their overall status is looking more and more hobbled as Hillis heads for an MRI. Cam threw three picks and ran in a single score for a pedestrian 14. Maclin continues to get plenty of looks. Could Torrey Smith rise to the fore against the Jags next week?

Next Week - dk - Cam will face off against Tebow in a SEC quarterback PSAS matchup. The Royals are grasping at straws, but if Hillis is undependable, the Ferries are no lock.

T. 1 The Pelican Brief (4-2) (last week T. 3) -

The Legal Thrillers won a non-pretty one against the Tigers b squad. Rodgers was so good, he couldn't be great. Meanwhile, Wallace, Welker, Stewart and Whitten all broke 10. All in all a good performance, but we can't help thinking that the Tampa 2 bailed Grisham out. Starks, Wayne and Buffalo were all decidedly mediocre. And while Welker picked up double digits, it wasn't his usual dominant day against the Cowboys. It'll be interesting to see if Gates' return provides any competition for Witten, who has been reliable in the keeper's abscence.

Next Week - Trichs - first place in the Eleatic will be tested with Welker on bye, there's reason to think that the Thrillers are vulnerable here. Surely Witten starts against the hapless Rams, right?

T 1. BldgDwllngThnkng (3-2-1) - (last week T. 3)-

The Heideggerians are a lucky lot, holding onto a victory as PG held players back in protest. Still, a win is a win. Turner and F-Jax both beasted, and Romo & Benson were good enough. Yet again, the QB controversy befuddled the Philosophers and Stafford's 19 stayed on the bench. That might be good enough against the Girlz. But against the other Milesian powerhouses, they'll need increased aerial production.

Next Week - TTM - BDT has a sterling record in past Gattis bowls. However, they'll miss F-Jax and Benson in the ground game. But a big game by Romo-Austin against the hapless Rams could make it all meaningless. Every win counts when you've got that third column filled. If they eek out a win in week 7, then their mojo is playoff ready, tie or no tie.

CGG Recap Week 6

There were 5 players in the pick 6 at 5000 a piece. No big winner so the pot goes up to 55k.

Trichs 5
AE 5
SFF 4
BDT 3
TTM 2

Trichs and Nauts both pick up 1250 net for the five correct picks. The Sachs & Nauts both picked up 5k from the running-QB match-up. TTM, Nauts, BDT PB, and SFF all drop 5k. There were 12 guesses in the TD Vulture, and Brandon Pettigrew walked away with the only TD. That's 34k net for the Ferries.

TD Vulture Results!

Touchdown Vulture: Early Returns

Alright, y'all. Touchdown Vulture requires a fair amount of accounting in order to get the right number. In the future, I think if you picked three peeps, just write me, or whomever, when any of those three scores a TD. If you picks didn't score any touchdowns, there's no point in me looking up their numbers.

Michael Bush 2 pts no TD
Jed Collins 3 yds no TD
Earnest Graham 131 total yards no TD (actually maybe the least vulturous player of week)
John Kuhn 1 yd total no TD
Scott Chandler 3 yds no TD
Lex Hilliard plays tonight
Jason Snelling 19 yds no TD
Pierre Thomas 16 yds fumble lost no TD
Delone Carter 45 yds no TD
Brandon Pettigrew (Ferries, originally incorrectly attributed to AEthernauts because there are too damn many people named Chris in this league) 10 points w/ 6 from receiving TD for a TDV% of 60.0

Looks like Brandon Pettigrew of the Ferries has the lead on the 37,000 PRN pot. We'll have to see if Lex Hilliard can get a TD while scoring less than 4 other points. BDT will be hoping to see Hilliard only in goalline situations.

I just looked up the league-wide TD vulture and it was...: RICKY WILLIAMS, 1 yd 1 touchdown for a TDV% of 100! Run, Ricky, Run! Other TDV up and comers were the immortal Dane Sanzenbacher (14 yds receiving w/ 1 TD) and Alex Smith (also 14 yds w/ receiving TD).

Thanks for playing everyone who did. Those that didn't, you can't stand around waiting for a better pot than the one presented this week, and if you are, you're a Touchdown Vulture Vulture, and we have no respect for your kind.

Averell Harriman, CFO
Grossman-Sachs

It's Coming

Casino Gulag Bonus Games Week 6

As per the Bankers selection we're testing a few new ways for you to lose money this week on Casino Gulag. In Game #1 You can take aim at an individual player over/under (QBs this week), straight up who will score more fantasy points in our setup, line is the Yahoo predictor, place your bets up to 5k.












Mike Vick @ Washington. The Angry Birds don't like the dream team tag. We'll see exactly how much they don't like it against the Skins D (Steelers' D for the 99%) this weekend. Vick has topped out at 29 and failed to cross the 20 point barrier twice. Then again I seem to remember the Eagles hanging 59 or so on the Skins this time last year.












Fig Newton @ Atlanta - The Cam-dy Man has topped out at 31 and failed to reach 20 only once, and he's facing the woeful secondary of the Hawks. This could easily become a shootout. Right now Vick is favored by 1+, keep checking for over/under updates.


Game #2 is a fun game of Touchdown Vulture. Simply submit your guess for the player (offense only) who will get the largest percentage of their points from scoring (touchdowns or two-point conversions). Whoever's guess is the best vulture wins. 1000 PRN per guess, up to three guesses per owner. And just to make it interesting the PRR will kick in 25000 into the pot. No reason not to play, right?

ThePelicanBrief Welcomes SanFranciscoFerries to West Coast PSAS Owners' Alliance

Shaun Boyle--PelicanBrief owner (and former GM)--will be hosting a small gathering this afternoon to welcome the SanFranciscoFerries to the west coast. TheFerries join ThePelicanBrief as the second PSAS west coast based franchise.

Date:

10/13/11

Time:

2PM (Pacific Standard Time)

Location:

Marin Brewing Company

Larkspur, CA

Attire:

Casual/Birkenstock-y

Vegetarian/Vegan food options available.

RSVP Recommended

CGG Expansion

Casino Gulag Games Expansion Proposal

In light of the dirty hippies having poor sex poorly outside of our offices, we can see that people need something more productive to do with their time. It is in this spirit that Grossman-Sachs humbly submits the following Casino Gulag Game Types for your Titratic Enjoyment:

1. Individual Players over/under - Pretty straightforward, lay bets down on the players projection at kickoff. Some room for market manipulations, and maybe should have the caveat that if a player is listed as probable, questionable, or doubtful they are ineligible, as insider info would have huge consequences as the betting window closes each week.

2. Player Head-to-Head bets - Players with identical projections will be offered up to the sacrificial alter, with bets pitting one against the other, whoever scores the best that week pays off.

3. Top Tackler - Every owner who enters picks anyone in the league they think will have the most tackles that week. Most tackles among the players selected takes the pot, obviously it splits in case of a tie. Owners can also pick the same player.

4. Return King - Same as top tackler, except with return yardage (possibly w/ TD bonuses).

5. Parlays against the Pre-Socratic Federal Reserve - The league offers up a 4 or 5 way parlay of seeming 50-50 bets, would have to be over/unders or identical head-to-heads. Players only win if they get all bets correct. In a five way parlay, the payout should be 2 to the 5th power (32) times the bet. A four-way parlay option would yield a 16 times payout. There is possibly a way to do this without going against the house, but individuals would have to offer up their own parlay spreads for other owners to select, and would have to guarantee they could pay the high payouts.

6. The TD Vulture - Same as Top Tackler, except owners select a player who they think will have the highest percentage of points out of touchdowns. This could be called the John Kuhn Special, in honor of the GB RB who has 41 total yards and two touchdowns (9 rushing, 32 receiving, for a total of 3 points). If that were his score for one week, his TD percentage would be 80% of his total points. (If you look at John Kuhn's points, though, there is an obvious scoring error somehow) Again, the owner with the highest percentage for the week wins the pot, ties split the pot.

If we approve any of these options, the commish may need some help with the accounting. I would nominate any of the following teams to help out:

AEthernauts

Ferries

Trichs

Dirty Birds

Dangles

No offense to those not nominated, it only means I can't trust you at all. Let's get some feedback, see what types of games pique your interest.

Sincerely,

Medussa Rothschild

VP of Organ Harvesting

Grossman-Sachs