PSAS Open Forum #occupyPR
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
No doubt you have heard the rumors of my elevation to Consul of the office of the Commissioner. I wish here to allay any fears you may have -- I have never sought power. No, like gentle Cincinnatus, I have led a life of the upright agricola, sewing my crops, tending to my beehives, and occasionally impregnating daughters of the lesser gentry. Truly, you have nothing to fear from me. Although my tenure as tyrant, absolute ruler, and commander in chief of all armed forces will indeed be terrible and violent, it will be brief. For like unto our virtuous Roman father Cincinnatus I will beat my sword into a plowshare, and take up the part of peace (once the emergency has passed). Waste not your time begging me to take up the fasces for life and become the eternal protector and father of my people, though truly my blood is noble enough. As Magister Populi I would appreciate an open dialogue with all the people - please feel free to speak your mind openly (once you have provided me with a list of your loved ones that I will take hostage to ensure your good behavior). In all things consider first the glory of the league, the honor due your household gods and the hearth fire and surely our founder will soon return.
Lucius Priapus Maximus
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Next Week - Revenge - On paper, there's not much of a contest here. But Revenge is a high powered, if inconsistent team, it's rare to call a #1 vs. #10 match-up a push, but this might be the week.
2. BDTh1nk1ng (LW-5) BDT stepped up in a fine style this week, with a victory over Sachs that keeps them tied for the lead for the Milesian Division. Big games all around meant that we didn't have to wait for the vaunted triple-Cowboys titration to see a powerful run from one of the league's new superpowers. And we may not see it, Tony Romo has a broken clavicle, which more or less screws titrations for Miles Austin as well. BDT's got some work to do, the good news is they've got running power to spare, and spare it they will (dearly) for a starting QB. The Dying Gaul sits on the tomb of Tony Romo's season.
Next Week- Vicks - BDT looks to solidify its newfound glory by keeping their boot to the Dogs' throats. With several byes outstanding, this one will be over before it starts if Vicks doesn't make adjustments.
Next Week - Pelicans - MATCH UP OF THE WEEK No love lost in this grudge match between the Commish and his most vocal critic. The Pelicans got some mojo last week beating their Ferries on some 4th quarter MNF titration - expect them to bring a little something personal to this contest between league bad-boys.
4. Trichs (LW-6) - The Trichs didn't do much hair-pulling over their line-up this week, but still powered their way over the lowly 'Toids. A second straight loss by the Kennel puts them into a tie for the Ephesian lead. It's a testament to draft strategy that the Trichs are still competitive without filling all roster spots, but how long can it last? Blind Fortune steers the sleeper's wheel.
Next Week - Skins - The Hair Pullers get this-week's-surprise next week in the Skins, and they'd better set their line-up if they want to avoid the fate of their co-division-leaders.
5. JGPB (LW - 4) The Pelicans pulled out a nip & Tuck game against their division rivals the Ferries, but needed Monday night defense points to do it. They'll stay tied for the division lead, but certainly seem much more human than their incarnation earlier this season. Vegas has given up on these once favored sons, and they've promised to come back "with their shields or on them" in an improbable match-up with Pequeno next week.
Next Week - Pequeno - MATCH UP OF THE WEEK Here's their big chance, to take down "The Man." But do they have enough gas in the tank? Leonidas rallies the troops.
6. Vicks (LW-3) - Still stinging from a surprise defeat to the 'Toids, the Dogs took a nap and got seriously scalped by the Skins. Truly if all the world were smoke, then the world would be distinguished by the nostrils. But this stunk no doubt. Questions about the dual Epehsian leaders make this the true "sleeper division". Fortuna marks this house for ill.
Next Week - BDT- Expect Vicks to wake up and make this one a real fight.
7. Ferries (LW-8) - The Ferries are quickly becoming the hard luck franchise of the PSAS, with a nighttime adjustment in week 6 and an afternoon of missed chances to upset their rivals the Pelicans in the Matchup of the Week.
Next Week - Sachs - As for parity this is a nice match-up. The San Francisco Treats need to keep their heads up and focus on winning games. Everyone thinks this team is close to a breakthrough, but they can't let another one slip by.
Next Week - Ferries - The Bankers have some work to do to field a team with extensive byes in week 8, but a clutch win could propel them into the top half. "Neither a borrower nor a lender be..."
9. Revenge of the Sith (LW-11) - An unlikely Darkside victory against EMP keeps them moving upwards to corrupt more teams. In the wild and woolly Ephesian the Sith aren't out of it, though they are a Dark Horse. The Aegis protects the Upsetters!
Next Week - Revenge must keep climbing the ladder vs. #1 Phat Girls. But they could do the rest of the league a favor with a big upset.
10. International Necronauts (LW-9) - Phat Girls spanked the Nauts this week, but as mortals die the life of gods they're still competitive in the Ephesian School. Zeppelin sings the Nauts the Immigrant Song - hammer of the gods, drive our ships to new lands...
11. Skins (LW-12) The Skins climb out of the basement by virtue of a surprise victory over the Kennel this week. I think we all thought this one was going the other way, so a big shout-out to the Skins for a well-earned victory. And chin-up, with all the upsets last week, almost everybody still in the mix. Sitting Bull gathers the tribes.
Next Week - Trichs - keeping focused is key as the Skins get another shot to climb the ladder with a potential sleeping giant.
12. Thanatoids (LW-10) - The 'Toids came up short in a week of upsets, but they're still an improving squad. 5 out of 7 squads they've played have had winning records, and their points against shows it (average of 109 per game). The 'Toids clearly need a friend in the scheduling department, as they'll end the season with Pequeno and Pelicans, both for the 2nd time! However, 3 out of their next 4 games are against teams with sub-500 records. There's room here for the 'Toids to surge, but they've got to become a more balanced team. St. Jude's medal for those bereft of hope, but still children of god.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Rolling Stone.com, Home and Garden: Just Bulbs!, DrowningBears.
(New York, NY) As you may know, and most of my readers surely do, there has been a rash of extremist, anti-banking, anti-bailout, healthcare-hating, racist, pigheadedness sweeping our country. Chief among its causes would be the Republican funded "Internet". It seems you can say anything you want on the "web", even if it's mean-spirited, or a lying-faced lie. Did you know some people believe the Federal Reserve is a privately owned corporation? Others even believe that Al Gore isn't fighting global warming with Deep Freeze technology originally developed for Batman and Robin (the weapon is being demonstrated here by the Governor of California). It seems you can get away with anything on this right-wing hate-board 'net. This was sadly proven once again today when the ultra-conservative, holocaust-think-tank website BoilingFrogs.com reported Chris "Beanie" Wells was working as a double-agent intent on destroying Grossman-Sachs for over two months.
Sibel Edmonds, host of the Boiling Frogs website had this to say:
According to their website, Ice-T Partiers' ideology derives from John Locke's seminal work, "Pimpin' Aint Easy: Government for the Masses" In it, Locke explains that natural law gives all men (and some feminists would say women) the right to pimp, that is to allocate a ho's time so as to include a client's climax window. Their biggest fear is that big government will get in the way. Ice-T himself has successfully lobbied for his constitional right to pimp several times in the last two decades. Edmonds was his legal aide / ho o' the moment for the most recent case.
Wells was hard to reach for comment, as he was partying on Bu1ld1ngDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng's yacht, but he tweeted the following: "Grossman Sucks! 0p B3&NST&LK in effect! EVRYTHNG EZ in Milez School!" But as much as I may disagree with the virulence from mainstream media sites such as BoilingFrogs, I do find Well's sudden upturn surprising. While performing at a Cowboys level of mediocrity through six weeks, Wells suddenly strapped on a John Holmes superdong and slapped his old employer repeatedly across the face with it. Could Wells explosion merely be coincidence? Edmonds disagrees.
"What we have here is a pattern of touchdown reluctance, injury nursing, and possible widespread chicanery. Grossman Sachs has already been caught throwing games for speculative gains, and Mr. Wells subpar six weeks would lead to the same conclusions." But Grossman board member Prescott Bush IV vehemently denied such allegations. "We all wanna win, okay? Some of us just want to win a little less than others so that we can win the big win and not the little win, and yes a win is a win, but sometimes a win is a loss, and we think the loss of Wells is a win, even though it led to a loss... Do you party by the way?" Bush IV then held aloft a baby penguin and what must have been at least a kilogram of cocaine, infer what you will.
Wells' representation, a rumored Mossad agent who goes only by Dreidelburg, points out that his client did play the first six games without a helmet, which could only hurt his numbers. "He's out there without a helmet, what am I supposed to say he was playing his best? He played about as well as a Palestinian at Parcheesi." While the simile may be hard to wrap your head around, I can assure you Dreidelburg meant business; he conducted the entire interview with a Micro-Tavor MTAR-21 pressed against my skull.
As crazy as Edmonds and Ice T may be, there may be something to this Operation Beanstalk coverup. BDThinking continues to roll, but we'll have to see if Wells' performance stays at a high level against teams other than his former employer. BoilingFrogs posted this picture, showing Beanie leaving Grossman Sachs for the final time, seemingly with his playbook in tow. More details to follow.
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Sunday, October 24, 2010
Friday, October 22, 2010
Gainesville, Florida Pastor Terry Jones, who very narrowly averted an international incident with his threatened burning of the Koran on the anniversary of September 11th has threatened to burn the Heraclitus Fragments, the most holy book of the Pre-Socratic All Stars Fantasy Football League. Jones was bribed into rescinding his planned pyrotechnics by New Jersey car dealer and former New York Giants tackle, Brad Benson, who promised the Pastor a $14k Hundai if he backed down. His list of demands this time is more extensive and center around his local team "El Mundo Pequeno" including but not limited to:
-Season tickets to El Mundo Pequeno games.
-Tim Tebow must be acquired by and start for EMP for the rest of the season.
-Free legal advice for one year.
-Current EMP QB Ben Rapistburger must be baptized and born again in the blood of Jesus Christ.
-EMP must donate at least half 0f their current PSAS $ to Rand Paul's candidacy for Senate
Said Jones, "If the owner of Pequeno is a Christian and a Patriot, he should have no problem with my burning this heathanish drivel." The league commissioner did not immediately return calls regarding the Pastor's incendiary threats which would almost certainly radicalize vast segments of the league. In the past the commish has advocated a cryptic policy of "silence healing" to terroristic threats. As of press time the more liberal owner of JGPB had offered the pastor several free beer tokens to the Brooklyn Brewery, of no monetary value.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
"The game has slowed down 100 percent after watching those three beasts," Woodhead said during el mundo's Organized Team Activities (OTAs) on Wednesday. "Just being able to know the offense with Big Ben under center and then having to go out there and run - it's sure slower than before when things were going 1,000 miles a minute. I'm able to go out there and just fly around in Beast Mode - there's not much thinking going on."
Paul Joseph Watson
October 17, 2000
(New York) It’s official, and I can’t say much of a surprise, the Department of Justice is investigating speculative fraud at Grossman Sachs. Alarms were set off last week, when after a precipitous downslide of Grossman stock, the Board of Directors bet against their own company’s stock price. Was there possible collusion between Grossman Sachs and The International Necronauts, the most direct beneficiary of their poor performance this past week?
(What is speculative trading or short selling? For more info please watch the incendiary Oliver Stone documentary Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps, copies can be found at www.oliverstonethinksurstupid.com, or you can email Mr. Stone directly at Oliveremail@example.com)
(Grossman Sachs Board of Directors, from left: Medussa Rothschild, Vladamir Rockefeller, Cruella Vanderbilt, Adolf Sachs, Prescott Bush IV, and Rex Grossman)
The firm of Grossman Sachs has vehemently denied any wrongdoing, saying Rex Grossman is just a bad CEO, and certain shareholders were smart enough to know that. “We titrated the analytics is all,” said Sachs board member Mr. Chelsea Clinton. “We looked at the trends, ramdogged the numbers, gangbanged the derivatives, shot the moon, and ate the cereal and we did it all before breakfast. The numbers were all there, plain as day, just look at what Limbaugh said about the guy.” Mr. Clinton was referring to Rush Limbaugh’s comments in February 2007, when Limbaugh lambasted the press for intentionally trying to sabotage Grossman Sachs stock.
“I can't handle anymore press criticism of Rex Grossman. They're writing his name W-R-E-C-K-S…It's just -- they're focusing on this guy like they don't focus on anybody! They can't wait for this guy to fail… the guy's been targeted for destruction.”
So, is Limbaugh right? Was Grossman Sachs destroyed by design? We sat down with documentary filmmaker / bane of your girlfriend’s existence, Alex Jones. Mr. Jones has made 117 documentaries, 32 of which are on Rex Grossman.
“Look, we all know this guy’s a stooge, but just what kind of stooge is he? Cui bono if you will. I’ll tell you who it is, it’s the IMF, NWO, WWE, FEMA, VICKSKENNEL, MCI WORLDCOM, and it just goes on and on people. I’m just, it’s—I can’t tell you how much I hate these scum, we’re neck deep in a sea of collectivist technocratic bosshog shit and it’s getting in our lungs and compromising our precious bodily fluids.”
Jones could no longer speak as he was weeping uncontrollably into a burrito. We asked his cohort Webster Tarpley (star of the upcoming Ghostbusters movie in the coveted Bill Murray role) to elaborate. “It’s a group of extreme bankers and finance oligarchs. Their agenda is to kill the American economy, suck all the lifeless blood out of it, and then sell off the worthless carcass for top dollar to the el mundo pequeno, and they’re starting with Grossman Sachs.” Tarpley later added he’s available for speaking engagements and child birthday parties, for more info please see www.webstersbirthdayparties.com/thishasnothingtodowithemmanuellewis/tarpfun/.
While it may be months or even years before the Department of Justice can sift through the avalanche of evidence, there is little doubt that Grossman Sachs knows they’re being watched carefully now. The board of directors recently released a press statement containing the following: “It may seem hard to believe to our investors, employees, and slaves that we would somehow be administering our own destruction, apparently the concept is not too far fetched for the Department of Justice and rogue sites such as infowars.com to exploit for political gain. To our detractors we say eat our balls, and dying right here is strictly prohibited.”
Sadly French radio host Maximillion von Keiser was unavailable for comment, but his away message said “Grossman Sachs?! They’re arsonists! And their asking the Pre-Socratic All-Starz for more matches, and the PSAS is saying ‘Who do we make the check out to?” Destruction by design indeed.
October 20th, 2010
This article was originally to be published a week ago, but do to myself, Mr. Jones, Mr. Tarpley and Mr. Limbaugh being considered persona non grata as contributors to For Here Too... the truth is only now seeing the light of day. We'll be keeping a close eye on this, and specifically the exclusionary tactics of Bu1ld1ingDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng. Perhaps this was a deliberate effort to keep the heat off Grossman Sachs, and their seemingly deliberate destruction for one more week before their battle with Bu1ld1ingDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng.
P.S. We're on the march, Grossman Sachs is on the run!
Colts punter and general advocate for kickers everywhere, Pat McAffee made a strong case for including the oft-overlooked position in next year Pre-Socratic All Starz league fantasy scoring this week.
The crusading punter allegedly made his remarks at a press conference he arranged while half naked and attempting to force his way into a woman's car following a brief swim in the canal. Said the shirt-less McAffee, "I mean, come on, think about it punters can play a really important part of the game. I'm not talking about RB points here, just one for every time we break off a 50 yard punt." McAffee, who was subsequently taken into custody on charges of being a former player at West Virginia University continued, "You could even penalize us when somebody runs one back for a six. There'd be extra tackles and..."
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Next Week - Necronauts - With Schaub on a bye, will the Girls give the Fitzy a start or go to the wire for temporary talent?
2. El Mundo Pequeno (LW-6) It was a perfect storm for Little World fans this week, a strong showing against the Necronauts and three of the top five teams losing. With Rothlisburger at the helm and a fully loaded bench EMP looks ready to mattress mambo, with or without the league's consent. With a ground-breaking "player rental" agreement raising eyebrows, will the Commish bow to requests for greater transparency?
Next Week - Revenge - Another win and Pequeno could challenge for the lead in the Eleatic, the league's power division (4-0 this week), but they'll be running uphill with two RBs on byes and a high powered Revenge squad with nothing to lose. We'll see Sunday if I'm drinking the Kool Aide, or ahead of the curve.
3. VicksKennel.com - (LW-2) Bad luck for the dogs this week, when Torain came out of the Thanatoid's flex to punch them in the nose. A loss by the Trichs keeps them in the driver's seat in the Ephesian.
Next Week - Skins - With the crew from Hard Knocks on a bye, this should be an interesting week on the wire for Vix. With only one wire move so far and a cool million in the bank, they can certainly take their pick of what's out there...
4. JGPB (LW-3) - The cash poor Pelicans took a surprise wallop from the resurgent Sachs this week and continue in free fall.
Next Week - Ferries - MATCH UP OF THE WEEK - The Pelicans must stop the bleeding here against their division rival. Wins will be at an even greater premium since everybody knows that they can be outbid from here on out.
5. BDTh1nk1ng - (LW-5) - Not much credit due for holding serve against the Skins this week. In reality BDT looked beatable. No doubt their management will be doubling down on titrations during the week to see if they can vulture their way into a lead in the Milesian. Caesar's laurel crown goes to the most lopsided victory.
Next Week - Sachs - BDT will need to bring the wood to pick up a fourth straight victory against a resurgent Sachs team.
6. Trichs (LW-4) - The preseason favorites have to be scratching their heads after taking one in the teeth from Phat Girls, a team who's number they've had since the league's inception. Some obvious locker room confusion made headlines as the team went kicker-less in a moment reminiscent of the bad-old-days of robot teams.
Next Week - the Thanatoids - the Deadish Ones are coming off an emotional victory that saw them put up 100 for the first time this season. Under normal circumstances they're not a threat, but with the Trichs reeling they'll need all hands on deck. Another loss and the patients could be running the maniac ward.
7. Ferries (LW-8) - The Ferries broke 100 for the fourth time in six weeks. With their talent finally starting to show itself the Ferries look like a serious threat to break into the league's top half.
Next Week - Pelicans - MATCH UP OF THE WEEK - Ferries go bird hunting this weekend, but just might bring down an endangered species. With Manning, Johnson and Addai on byes they'll need some second tier titrations to pick up a signature win. Don't blink folks, this one is going to be good.
8. Sachs (LW-10) - The Bankerz bit off some Pelican meat this weekend and didn't stop to chew. Maclin's big day could be a regular thing if Jackson's concussion keeps him out for multiple weeks.
Next Week - BDT - This was a return to form for the Bankers, but which team will show up next week? Another win and the Eleatic could get very crowded indeed.
9. Necronauts (LW-7) The Necronauts were outclassed by EMP this week, but more serious questions remain about their health and depth.
Next Week - No rest for the weary with a match against #1 Girls squad next week.
10. Thanatoids (LW-11) Who dat talkin' bout beating them Thanatoids? League underachivers this year the 'toids rolled up a surprise victory behind a 22 point performance by Torain. The 'toids broke 100 for the first time, their opponents are averaging 107. The Aegis goes to the best upset. 'toids fan Les Miles called team management to congratulate them saying "I'd rather be lucky than good!"
Next Week - Trichs - If Branch's new digs are as comfortable as they looked this week, this might not be the last time the 'toids put up triple digits.
11. Revenge (LW-9) Bad News: The Darksiders pulled a tie (pending league revision, which Revenge has gotten the worse end of already this season) against favorites Ferries, but ties are rare enough that it's basically a loss for both squads. Worse news: They've got the Pequeno next.
Next Week - Pequeno - Will the commish rent players to his current opponents, you think?
12. Skins - (LW-12) - With trade rumors flying will the Skins start picking up cash for next year? Or burn their bank account in an attempt to get back into contention?
Next Week - Vix - Hey, the 'toids did it last week...