More disturbing reports today, as newly crowned champion Vickskennel.com has allegedly been linked to a cash for titration scandal currently breaking in Brooklyn, NY. The so-called "Adderall Sisters" Pauline and Sarah Wiltshire were arraigned in Federal Court in Brooklyn on Friday on charges of conspiracy to titrate, "trading" titration for political favors, using the USPS as a medium for titrating, and betting on fantasy football games. Vice PSAS Reserve Chairman Beaugeste Bacall had this to say:
"We take all allegations of titrative malfeasance by league employees, players and owners very seriously. We will be investigating this matter in a timely fashion."
The commissioner's office declined to comment whether the league would delay the laurel crowning ceremony, currently scheduled for January 8th, in light of the investigation. Lead DEA investigator Haymitch Throbsgood likewise refused to comment on rumors that the league's victor may have turned states evidence in order to avoid being charged in the ring. Throbsgood commented, "What is clear is that Vickskennel.com was not titrating to their fullest in the PSAS, they've got a full bank account, a well-worn passport and known connections to the titration Cosa Nostra."
Titrating without proper supervision, recrational titration, or "rectrations," is known by the Surgeon General of Zenobia to cause heart palpitations, fear of spiders, excessive writing, hoarding, paranoia and impaired ability to make fantasy football line-up changes.
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