Preparing the Tiger's Way - Protocal for Formal Obeissance

Though it pleases me greatly to rule over your fantasy lives, yet there may come a time when I too must journey through the Star-gate, to the land of the gods, forever to be seen in the night sky. While this time is yet far off, surely the impending birth of my son puts me in mind of how best to order the lives of mortals when I am gone. All wise men agree that it is best for the State to be passed from strength to strength, and not to degrade its grandeur with lesser rule or interruptions. With this in mind I have compiled a list of the ways that the kings of your various peoples command the promise of loyalty to their rightful heirs.

If you're thinking music gifts, he already
loves Strauss' "Thus Spoke Zarathustra"

Ireland: In many Celtic societies it is customary to offer hostages, usually blood relatives who will act as the servants or playthings of the princeling. This is acceptable to both parties as it will prevent any revolt on your part and give your relatives great access to the wisdom of the throne.

France: In traditional French culture it is required to make a pilgrimage to "adore" the new dauphin with gifts so expensive as to convince the king of your inability to raise a substantial army for several years.

Russia: Czars of Russia would routinely shave their nobles beards and force them to eat the shavings to cause indigestion.

Rome: Roman senators would routinely have their wives and daughters ravaged to save the young emperor the trouble.

Thundercats - On the planet Thundera it is law that collections be taken of the cat-prince's urine that and that his subjects spread this marker liberally over their clothing and property.

In all cultures traditional signs of obeisance are acceptable - kneeling, bowing, scraping, flattery aversion of the eyes, fainting, etc. Many are the subjects who will (genuinely or feigned) fall into hysterical fits of madness. While all of these are acceptable - simply setting your line-ups for the rest of the season would please us much.

Presenting BuffettBall!

As the "league" steamrolls towards the "playoffs", we at GrossmanSachs wish to remind everyone why we got in this thing in the first place: To Make Money. While it's fun to move names on a roster as if they are representative of a real team, it's not creating any wealth. Several economists have actually said that maybe the PRN isn't even backed by a precious metal or even any national currency. While this information is dangerous, and would almost surely lead to some type of labor strike/invasion of an oil-rich nation, it is nevertheless integral to our next collective step as owners.

On the way to 666 Wall St. this morning, Rex Grossman was saddened to the point of hysterical laughter upon seeing a young boy named Michael Shoebottom. "MicroMachine" as Rex has fondly taken to calling him, has clearly gotten a bad deal as of late.

Mike "MicroMachine" Shoebottom, is tragically only getting American Dollars for his grassroots efforts, and therefore would need thousands more to afford Karate Lessons.

After getting to know Mike very well in the Sandusky Dungeon, miles beneath 666 Wall St., Rex was literally touched by his story. Rex had to grab even more tissues than usual on his way out of the room, and in the bathroom, while wiping away several different types of bodily fluid from his face, he saw the tatoo on his right tricep in the mirror. This is when Rex knew what he had to do.

Rex got this tattoo in Gainesville, FL in 2000. It was paid for by Ralph Maccio after Rex beat him in an epic game of StripFlipCup.

Rex called his good friend Billy Zabka, Johnny Lawrence himself, and asked how much it would cost to teach the entire Cobra Kai regiment to MicroMachine. Billy said it would cost millions of dollars, but only 50,000 PRN.

Rex knew that if he was to raise that kind of cash, he'd need a way to get his fellow owners involved. While watching the classic Akira Kurosawa film High and Low and simultaenously listening to his favorite album, High/Low by Nada Surf (featuring the hit song, "Popular", which Rex has always been convinced was written about him while he was a high school quarterback) Rex was struck by the beautiful balance of life's highs and lows. Nobody knows this better than Rex, who can throw for 300 yards and 4 TDs in a win, or 72 yards and 11 interceptions in a loss (this happened in an unaired, rarely mentioned exhibition game played in London by the Bears and the Barcelona Dragons of the EuroLeague in 2003; after Rex's 11th interception the game was abruptly ended, and the last three quarters were never played). Rex knew he'd found just the way to get MicroMachine back on his feet, to take him from lows to the highs if you will.

Please wager generously, and we'll see if we can teach this kid to ride a bike too while we're at it.

Rex proposes a new Casino Gulag Game called either Projo High/Low or Buffettball (named after the stock wizard who knew things like 2000 was a good time to bet on Apple, and a bad time to bet on Enron). Each owner picks 2 players on a 5,000 PRN investment (ideally one he thinks would vastly outplay his projection, and one he thinks would have a terrible underperformance) and the difference over the projection for one player is added to the difference below the projection for the other player, yielding a total High/Low value. The owner with the highest High/Low value wins. So, if GrossmanSachs picked Santonio Holmes (hypothetically projected at 6.5) and Adrian Peterson (15.0) he wouldn't have to say which person he picks for high and which for low. Let's say Santonio blew up for 20 points, and AD only got 10, GrossmanSachs High/Low value would be 18.5 ([20-6.5] + [15.0-10]). Let's say they both went over and Santonio got 10 and AD got 20, one player still needs to be the "low" and therefore subtracts from the total High/Low value, in this case the total HLV would be 1.5 ([6.5-10] + [20 - 15]). If they are both under, it obviously works the same way, with the smaller variation serving as the "over" and taking away from the HLV.

In order to hedge against paying off Sal Palontonio for insider information on questionable players, we'll say only players without any questionable letter designation and starting in a PSAS lineup are eligible. So check the lineups and see who looks like he's due for a brief stop in B3@5t M0d3, and who is gonna get lost on Revis Island, any picks playing tomorrow night need to be picked by kickoff, if not you can pick people playing Sunday.

So, please help out MicroMachine, by playing liberally in the Casino Gulag Games this weekend, and all of GrossmanSachs proceeds will go to an escrow account, paid only to Zabka once MicroMachine avenges his parents murders by sweeping those ninjas' legs to death.

Late Season Notes and Reminders

As we move into the final three weeks of the regular season here are a few refreshers on the settings and regulations of the PSAS 2011. The top six teams will move on to the playoffs, with the two division winners receiving byes in Week 14. If two teams are tied for either a division or a wild card spot (i.e. they have identical win %) Yahoo tells you who's gonna go. Basically, division's will be determined by in-division record, then total fantasy points. Whereas wildcards will be determined by total fantasy points. The wildcard has a very interesting breakdown so far:


1. TTM 8-2 - .800 - 1200.20 (Tr, PG, PB)
2. AEthernauts 8-2 - .800 - 1156.80 (TR, SFF, PG)
3. PelicanBrief 6-4 - .600 - 1222.40 (PG, GS, TTM)
4. Tusken Raiders 6-4 - .600 - 1084.40 (AE, VK, DK)
5. Grossman Sachs 6-4 - .600 - 1029.00 (DK, PB, Tr)
6. BDT 5-4-1 .550 - 1189.40 (VK, Tr, CD)
================================
7. SFF 5-5 - .500 - 1048.60 (CD, AE, VK)
8. Dangles 4-6 - .400 - 1080.40 (SFF, DK, BDT)
9. Trichs 4-6 - .400 - 954.00 (TTM, BDT, GS)
10. DK 3-6-1 .350 - 990.00 (GS, CD, TR)

As you can see the Trichs have a remarkably tough remaining schedule, facing three teams in the top six. Whereas, BDT will face three teams in the bottom half. However, virtually nothing is decided. Both division titles are still very much in play. And no team has yet punched even a wildcard ticket. The degree of parity is a tribute to the competitive nature of our league, and hence to all of your titrations season-long.

Last year we started the tradition of the Consolation Tournament, whereby the lower 6 franchises duke it out for a consolation prize. The consolation tournament is a mirror of the playoffs, with the 7th and 8th ranked teams taking the Week 14 bye. Last year, this was ranking in the top six slots in the 2011 draft. While the shape of 2012 league is unknown to us, suffice to say that an equivalent prize will be awarded to the winner of the consolation tournament.

Smiles, everyone ... smiles!!

Da plane, da plane!

So Revis is allegedly working the slot against Welker this week.

We'll bypass the yahoo projections, and say the Casino Gulag Games line for welker stands at 75 yards from scrimmage.

Does Welker exceed the line, or Revis hold him under?

Bets up to 25k.

PRN kicks in 15k.

CGG Week 10 Suggestion

Rivalry Week/Alternate Timeline Pick 'Em

ThePelicanBrief vs. dETHRONED_kIng

BuildingDwellingThinking vs. TuskenRaiders

--

High Stakes: 25K PRN Minimum per Pick - No MAX

Rivalry Week Quake Confirmed: Limits of Human Titration to be Tested

The worst catastrophe in the history of the league is confirmed as the Week 10 Rivalry Fault slipped and subducted today leading to a buckle between Miletus and Ephesus. After consulting for hours via teleconference with the Pythian and Delian oracles, the Commissioner has determined that the Earth-shaker has demanded a rematch of the Week 4 tie between BuildingDwellingThinking and Dethroned King. Sources close to the Office have quoted the Sybills as uttering hexameters "Polemos brooks no ties / Brothers to war must out / Illian plains prepare / playoff life battle-won"

As of press time officers of the PEMA were mobilizing relief funds to help the affected teams on tonight's waiver wire. Victim-bystanders in this violent shift are Pelican Brief and Tusken Raiders who will play each-other. What effect this massive upheaval can have on the playoffs is unknown at this time, but it is certain that this will now become the gate-keeper to several teams fate in the wild card and doubtless the largest ratings grab for the PSAS this year. Keep tuned to FHTTGAP for 24/7 aftershock watch.

CGG Recap week 9

Week 9 is almost 3/4 through the season, and it saw some more extensive striation in the playoff picture. A couple teams control their own destiny. Several appear to be playoff bound. And still others need to win out and get some help from their friends. It's the most exciting time of the year. And the most unpredictable. The pick 6 looked like this in week 9:

VK - 5
TTM - 4
BDT - 2
Tr - 2

So Vick's picks up 5k (net) for the five correct picks. The perfect pot grows to 20k.

Vulture:

Barber 39 (1 TD) - Sachs
Ballard 67 (1 TD) - BDT
Jacobs 100 (1TD) - Trichs
Tolbert 142 (1TD) - Sachs

Sachs picks up the Vulture with the elite Barber pick. So that's 24k net.


Stallion:

Forte 150 yards - Sachs, TTM
Rice 86 yards - Trichs, TTM
Lloyd 80 yards - BDT
Graham 79 yards - TTM
Benson 78 yards - BDT
Austin 53 - BDT

So TTM and Sachs both pick up 12k.


PPR

Cruz - 6 Trichs
Lloyd - 5 TTM
Rice - 5 BDT
Davis - 4 BDT
Moore - 4 Trichs
Clark - 2 Trich

So the Trichs pick up 24k net on Cruz control.

Stevie didn't cover, so BDT and Sachs drop 5k and Trichs pick up 5k.