Break Down: Game of the Century™

VS.





Passing - The top two fantasy QBs face off in a what should be a the title card of this event. Drew Brees torched the Giants last week for 36 points. When Aaron Rodgers gets the same Giants in the Medowlands in Week 13, will they have something to prove? If they did would it even matter? Rodgers could quit the season now and still be voted MVP. Brees has a chance to break Marino's single season passing record in the Saints' air first offense. This week Breesus draws the 7-4 Lions into the Superdome. Playing for their playoff lives, the Lions are sure to be lively, especially sporting a top five pass defense. But Suh, the Arm-Stomper's, absence puts a dent in their pass rush. Still it's a significantly tougher match-up for the Tigers' field general. If fans of the Mountain are looking for some solace, there's a chance Detroit might stay in the game and force Brees to pass till the end - but that's reaching a bit.

Advantage - Pelicans

Receiving - Wes Welker is the 2nd half of the Pelicans superior air attack. Facing hapless Indianapolis, he's all but assured of double digits, and smart money would have him pushing 20. He's been held under 10 just 3 times this year. Beneath that is a big question mark for the Pelicans. While Welker is a clear WR1, their second slot could be filled by a rotating cast of WR3 (Bennet, Moore, Cooper). All of whom are more a roll of the dice than an obvious start. The Tigers feature two lighting-in-a-bottle receivers. Stevie and VJax clearly both have WR1 talent. And after week 3 the rest of the league was in awe of the Tigers aerial draft picks. However, Rivers' wholesale collapse in San Diego and Stevie's mercurial personality have made the two hit-or-miss. Both draw tough opponents in Jacksonville and Tennessee. Although either one should keep pace with Welker on a good day, WW in Indy is the closest to a fantasy sure thing there is.

Advantage - Pelicans


Rushing - The Pelicans feature back Michael Turner draws a tough match-up with Houston and faced declining returns this time last year. Their second slot will be filled by either Jonathan Stewart (split time) or James Stark (dinged up). The Tigers feature no less than 5 RB2s any one of which might see a slot. Michael Bush will likely see another start against a brutal Miami front. Steven Jackson appears to be slowing and faces the toughest line in San Francisco. Tim Tebow's sidekick One Hand Willis faces a porous Vikings D and sports a run first philosophy. Resurgent Beanie put 200+ on the hapless Rams but faces a much tougher squad in Dallas. And the Amazing Helu is now Shanahan's "Starter" - that's the joke.


Advantage - Tigers
Tight End - Between them, these two squads have three of the top 6 at this position. The Tigers feature Jimmy Graham, the versatile sophomore and former basketball player who's been busy redefining the position by catching passes in space. He's also the other half of the Saints titration which has driven TTM to the playoffs this year. Jimmer is just south of 1000 yards receiving on the season and if he adds to his 8 TDs this year, the Mountain will be at the summit of their expectations. The Pelicans feature Antonio Gates, who may have lost a step to merely "good", but may also benefit from Rivers' downgrade and a Jacksonville squad that surrenders points to TEs. Their second and potential flex option is Cowboys veteran Jason Witten. Though with Austin back, the Cowboys won't lack for alternate options.

Advantage - PUSH


Kicking - The Tigers' kicker Rackers saw a bump in production last week as the Texans, a functional offense, lost their QB and backup for the season. More stalled drives could allow Rackers to show off his distance prowess, a hallmark of his career five years ago. The Texans will face a bend-but-don't-break Falcons squad that could show him multiple 40+ chances. The Pelicans foot Akers has already knocked down 6 50+ this year and 7 in the 40s. He's got the skill to compare with the best in the league, and a good situation with a great defense and a mediocre offense. However, facing St. Louis at home, he could easily see only PATs.

Advantage - PUSH


Defense/Special Teams -These two squads feature entirely different philosophies on the arcade position of fantasy football. The Pelicans will play mix-match with a medium-bad Patriots defense against the laughable Colts. We've seen teams get burned by this titration multiple times this year, but it's hard to see it happening this week. The Tigers will bring the Ravens shroud down over sputtering Cleveland. On points allowed and turnovers we'll put this about even, but if it comes down to sacks.

Advantage - Tigers


IDP - The Pelicans feature a brace of big stars including Woodson, Allen and Urlacher. Their jersey sales alone should float them to their projections. The Tigers play double titration with Suggs and Ngata. Last week showed us just how deadly that can be when the Ravens pass rush is effective.

Advantage - Pelicans
Miscellaneous - The Tigers' off the field distractions have been well-documented. As have their very public disputations with the league's gadfly, Grisham. Returning to the playoffs after a painful absence last year, they've never won this many games. In short they're not used to this kind of pressure, and who's to say if they've been titrating properly for late-season? Or if they even know how to do that kind of thing? The first match-up came during bye-weeks and dealt the Tigers their second loss. The Pelicans are celebrating their third straight trip to the playoffs, but the pressure is on to bring home a championship this year. With the playoff field deeper than ever, a first round game could easily mean a one way ticket to the golf course with best wishes for next year. Luck has been on the Tigers' side this year and if it comes down to chance then we like the Mountain.

W33k 13 P0w3r R4nk1ngs

Entering the final week of the regular season, five teams have seen the threads of their seasons cut by the Fates (those bitches), while four have already earned the Three's forbearance and will extend their seasons into the playoffs. Three teams--the Ferries, Raiders, and B4nk3rs--still technically lie in the pincers, but realistically Grossman would have to post a stratospheric score (with either the Ferries or the Raiders losing & low-balling like crazy) to make the playoffs, given that total fantasy points serve as the tiebreaker if any teams wind up tied on winning percentage. Aside from jockeying for seeds, the playoff picture is set.

Meanwhile, the Eleatic title, a first round bye, and the overall #1 seed in the tournament are still up for grabs--much of which will be determined by the GAME OF THE CENTURY^TM, (about which more below), which promises to be the type of brutal & festive spectacle humans invented godz to witness.

12. Phat Girlz (1-11)

The Girlz tuned in last week and realized they had won a game, only to wind up on the wrong end of TTM's Brees-led blitzkrieg. With the 2011 season nearly in the books, PG must turn its attention to the consolation tourney and the battle for next year's #1 draft pick. After the Kennel's hands off championship and PG’s rough campaign this season, the importance of titrating early and well during the draft is crystal clear. We foresee last year’s divas making a return to form in 2012 as they set out for revenge after being miffed on Draft Day ’11.

Next Week – ‘Nauts – the Girlz’ improving form has the potential to sneak up on a Nauts team that will likely be without AP again, in a game with implications for determining the #1 overall seed in the PSAS tournament.

11. Vickskennel.com (3-9)

After a solid start, the reigning champs have dropped 5 straight and missed the playoffs, partly as a result of flagging production from workhorse Matt Forte (can you ever trust a Bear when the chips are down?), but also due to a couple of suspect trades that brought in the now-irrelevant Ryan Torain and the human scum that is DeSean Jackson at the expense of Mike Wallace and Ray Rice. There were signs of life this past week, though, with Hell’s Kennel putting up 100 points in a loss to the resurgent Raiders, a development that bodes well for their chances in a winnable consolation tournament.

Next Week – Ferries – the Kennel’s seed in the consolation tourney is set, so they’ll be playing for pride in this one.

10. Trichotillomaniacs (5-7)

One of a couple of teams to get bit this season by an underperforming star quarterback (as well as declines in performance from their keepers), the Trichs have struggled the past few weeks. No word yet on whether Lao Tzu will be given the reins to the team again next year after a season lacking in harmony, with a midseason ephedrine-abuse scandal adding to the Hair-pullers’ woes. In the meantime, the Trichs have made an intriguing move, seemingly planning for the future by stockpiling potential keepers who are currently on IR. Presuming the league sticks with its current keeper format, their strategy could pay dividends down the road.

Next Week – Grossman – the Trichs square off against the only team with a star QB more frustrating than Rivers in a game with the #1 seed in the consolation tourney on the line (also pending the Dangles’ result).

9. dETHRONED_kIng (4-7-1)

Tebowmania provided a spark of hope for the Ex-Royals midseason, but the former Florida star’s inspirational leadership and mastery of the option weren’t enough to carry them to the playoffs. With an undeniably talented starting roster, dk has all the weapons to take the consolation tourney—and next year’s first draft pick—by storm. Lately, the franchise has also demonstrated its irrepressible leadership instincts by proposing a relegation system inspired by European soccer. It still needs ironing out, but relegation could create a fascinating new wrinkle in the stretch run during future PSAS seasons. (Another possibility—a PSAS fantasy soccer spinoff?)

Next Week – Raiders – dk has a chance to end the regular season in style in a rivalry matchup against one of his former apartment-mates from the bad old days of Hypermodernity.

8. Cincinnati Dangles (5-7)

No team has suffered more abuse at the hands of the Fates this season than the Dangles, who have taken nearly everyone’s best shot to amass a whopping 1414 points against. They may have missed the playoffs, but they’ve put up a strong showing in the face of this season-long fusillade. Deservedly, the karmic wheel took a spin in their favor in Week 12 and they picked up a solid win against the Deposed Ones. Meanwhile, it galls me to write that Kentucky is #1 in college hoops, and as of right now, Duke is losing by 17 to Ohio State--so in reality basketball, the Dangles are sitting pretty.

Next Week – BDT – the Dangles look to complete a season sweep of the Heideggerians (and potentially lock in the #1 seed in the consolation tourney, contingent on a Grossman loss).

7. GrossmanSachs (6-6)

The B4nk3rs have spent the latter half of the fantasy season wearing the albatross known as Michael Vick around their necks (among other issues), but are still technically alive in the playoff race. Unfortunately, as detailed above, the Raiders and/or Ferries would basically have to drop their entire rosters for Grossman to have a shot, so it looks like another near-miss this year despite their winnable Week 13 matchup against the Trichs. Eventually, Grossman will have to reassess its commitment to its Vick securities, but in the short-term it can still capture the #1 seed and a bye in the consolation tourney.

Next Week – Trichs – A victory here would give the Bankers a consolation bye, and with it an opportunity to regroup and devote more resources to hunting down rogue science experiment (and self-styled sexgod) Rex Grossman.

6. Tusken Raiders (7-5)

After reminding us not to underestimate the Sand People, the Raiders backed it up in Week 12, rebounding from a tough loss against an undertitrated ‘Nauts squad to bury the Kennel and all but seize a playoff spot. New England’s soft remaining schedule bodes well for the Raiders, with ample opportunities for Tom Brady to light up the fantasy scoreboard, and the emergence of Marshawn Lynch along with some favorable matchups for the perplexing CJ?K down the stretch should make them a force to be reckoned with in the playoffs. That sound you hear might be the Sand People just before they sneak up and club the PSAS in the head.

Next Week – dETHRONED_kIng – the Raiders will be looking to consolidate their gains in an end-of-season rivalry game against the unpredictable Ex-Royals, who are capable of putting up 140+ when all the pieces fall into place.

5. SanFranciscoFerries (7-5)

If the real-life Colts had responded to the loss of Peyton Manning with as much determination as the Ferries, they wouldn’t be winning the Andrew Luck sweepstakes right now. Cam Newton continues to pay dividends, and Victor Cruz’s big day negated Eli Manning in a Monday night thriller to end the ‘Nauts’ win streak at 9 and pave the way for a Ferries playoff appearance. With legitimate freak-of-nature Rob Gronkowski dialed into B34STM0D3, the Ferries look like they’re peaking at the right time (and they might not even need a newly healthy Andre Johnson—which is good, given that the Texans just called and hired me to play quarterback).

Next Week – Vickskennel.com – virtually assured of a playoff spot, the Ferries will try to shut down the Kennel and maintain their late season momentum.

4. AEthernauts (9-3)

It couldn’t last forever. The ‘Nauts’ fortunes finally took a dive as the Ferries put an end (for now) to their adventures above the ionosphere, halting their winning streak at 9. The chinks in their armor are indeed apparent, with Megatron coming back to earth, Bowe playing for the Chiefs, and Nelson part of the Rodgers roulette. But strong trends from Benson and Blount may keep the ‘Nauts’ championship hopes alive in the wake of AP’s injury. Especially if the Bad Boy Lions get back on track, the ‘Nauts are still capable of making a playoff run, and clinching a bye may have bought valuable time for Peterson to return to the lineup.

Next Week – Phat Girlz – the ‘Nauts will attempt to sail on and contend for the regular season championship (contingent on the outcome of PelicanBrief-TTM) by taking on the newly conscious Girlz.

3. ThePelicanBrief (8-4)

The league’s leading scorer until TTM’s massive victory over PG, the Dirty Birds notched a win over the B4nk3rs in Week 12 to clinch a playoff spot and set up this week’s titanic Eleatic clash. Riding the Rodgers gravy train, the Pelicans have been perfect in-division, racking up a 6-0 record against the Eleatic competition while taking the best shots of several Milesian squads (including the Raiders after the controversial Rivalry Week realignment). Even after seeing WOPR’s proposed trade for MJD vetoed by the Commissioner’s office, the Pelicans remain in the top tier of title contenders—their only worry at this point has to be that the Packers will sit Rodgers.

Next Week – TTM – GAME OF THE CENTURY^TM – (see below)

2. BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nking (7-4-1)

Once again, BDT has displayed excellence in season-long Waiver Wire titration, rivaled only by the Ferries in the post-draft pickups department. DeMarco Murray, Laurent Robinson, Fred Davis, plus the trade for Rice and Wallace—BDT is playing multidimensional player-acquisition chess. The results of these moves and the experiments in Cowboys quadratitration: seven straight weeks of 100+ fantasy points—look for the Occupy PR movement to explode if BDT takes home the championship. After their 3^rd straight win, Heidegger sez: “Suddenly I heard a single stroke of lightning. My thought was: Zeus.”

Next Week – Dangles – BDT will be out for payback after suffering a high-scoring loss to the Dangles in Week 9; with Dallas’s favorable matchup against the Cardinals, expect the Heideggerians’ high-scoring ways to continue

1. TakingTigerMountain (9-3)

The PSAS’s proud new papa’s karma was off the charts last week; as he welcomed his son into the world, TTM’s starting lineup posted 160 while its bench scored 71 in an insane festival of fantasy points (and LSU demolished Arkansas to boot). Brees led the way, with Wells and Graham not far behind. With the Saints’ passing attack looking like a well-oiled machine, the Brees-Graham combo will continue to be scary going forward—plus this franchise has great depth at running back. Toss in the fact that TTM has grabbed the total fantasy points lead, and it stands to reason that they’ve catapulted into the top spot in this week’s rankings.

Next Week – PelicanBrief – GAME OF THE CENTURY^TM – #1 vs #2 in the Eleatic; Brees vs Rodgers; East Coast vs West Coast; Beast vs Bird; Brian Eno vs John Grisham; ok, maybe that last one’s a stretch, but the dialectical overload here is unbelievable. The Eleatic title and a playoff bye are on the line, along with a regular season championship and #1 overall seed (which TTM clinches with a win, or the Pelicans clinch with a win and a ‘Nauts loss). Throw in TTM’s recent veto of the attempted MJD trade, and this one has grudge match written all over it. May the best titrated franchise win.

PSAS - "Game of the Century"

Dreadlocks Playoff Analysis

Week 11 separated the clear from the turbid.  AE clinched division title with a win over Tusken while TTM tripped on Trichs and stumbled through to the playoff berth.  It gets pretty muddy after that.  Pelican and BDT helped put themselves in control of playoff spots with their respectable wins while Tusken and Gross stalled.  SFF and Trichs remain in contention with week 11 wins as Cincy and dTk fell off the cliff with their losses.  Nevertheless it’s a messy race to say the least.  Here is the analysis of the playoff picture, which should get a lot clearer after some key matches this week.   

Dancehall Locks:  Clinched Playoffs

AEthernauts (9-2) 1251.80pts; vs. SFF (6-5), Phatz (1-10)

With an impressive 9 game winning streak on its back, AE has clinched for the bye.  Week 12 game against SFF is important for the hopeful opponent.

TakingTigerMountain (8-3) 1280.80pts; vs. Phatz (1-10), PGB (7-4)

TTM is the favorite to capture the second bye spot with a week 12 matchup against Phatz.  It may still come down to the regular season finale against Pelican, especially now it seems that playing Phatz is not an automatic W.

Locksteady: needs to win one to clinch

ThePelicanBrief (7-4) 1331.60pts; vs. Gross (6-5), TTM (8-3)

Just needs one win for a playoff berth, and can still sneak in for the week 14 bye if they win out the rest of regular season.  Tough propositions either way, as they’re matched against playoff-hopeful Gross and new parent TTM.  Have one of the toughest remaining schedules but also a favorable total fantasy points.

BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng (6-4-1); vs. Trichs (5-6), Cincy (4-7)

Have a relatively favorable schedule and a very potent offense that gives BDT one of the top offenses.  Probably only need to win one of the remaining regular season games.  The one tie against dTk in week 4 is now looking more like a W as it gives them a notch above the possible tie-break at 7 wins. 

 

Natty Dread: two wins or at mercy of gods

SanFranciscoFerries (6-5) 1177.00; vs. AE (9-2), Vicks (3-8)

Do lead the bunch in fantasy points and may come out a winner of tie break with 7 wins, but remaining games against divisional leader AE and tricky Vicks won’t be a breeze through. 

Tusken Raiders (6-5) 1162.00; vs. Vicks (3-8), dTk (4-6-1)

Their remaining schedule is manageable plus the decent total fantasy points puts them in the driving seat of this playoff coaster. 

GrossmanSacks (6-5) 1109.8; vs. Pelican (7-4), Trichs (5-6)

Very tough game against Pelican followed by the match against the feisty Trichs, which may be the most intriguing dog fight of this very tough playoff race depending on the outcome in  week 12.  Weak total points may eventually be the killer for Gross.

Ragga: needs to win out and a little bit of Rub-A-Dub

Trichotillomaniacs (5-6) 1049.80; vs.. BDT (6-4-1), Gross (6-5)

Hasn’t scored a lot of points this season and two remaining games both against teams in the center of playoff race makes it a difficult challenge, but it can happen for the Hairpullers if they win out. 

dETHRONED_king (4-6-1) 1162.20; vs. Cincy (4-7), Tusken (6-5)

It’s a very long shot but there’s a scenario in which two or less of the four teams with six wins win only one game in the remaining regular season and dTk win out to make the playoff, because of their tie in week 4.  Relatively high total fantasy points make it a fascinating possibility.

Cincinnati Dangles (4-7) 1155.20; vs. dTk (4-6-1), BDT (6-4-1)

Hard to believe that none of the six-win teams manage a win, but that none of them face each other makes it a remote possibility for Cincy to slip in as the sixth seed.  Solid offensive production throughout the season at least gives them hope.  Unfortunately, both of their opponents are deep in the contention and it won’t be easy to win out.  Can be the biggest dance crasher if they do.

Rude Boy: Dance Crashers

Vickskennel.com (3-8) 948.40; vs. Tusken (6-5), SFF (6-5)

Out of the race but two remaining games against both teams with six wins mean their performance for the next two weeks is crucial for many teams.

Phat Girlz (1-10) 956.60; vs. TTM (8-3), AE (9-2)

Has played the part in their big win over Gross in week 10, and can do some damage to the divisional race for the bye in week 12 against TTM.

BREAKING: MJD Trade Vetoed - JGPB Considering Cyber Attack on League Headquarters

BREAKING: The PSAS Commissioner has "suspended" the MJD for Jacquizz Rodgers trade (+ draft picks) pending an investigation in a unbelievable abuse of power for someone trying to be a role model to his newborn son. The trade is the first one to be vetoed in the history of the PSAS and seems to be a reactionary move by the commish who is desperately hanging onto a divisional lead with two games to play. Shaun Boyle--former JGPB GM and current president--has already proposed another trade to Monique and is awaiting acceptance. Team officials are also hopeful that the original trade is re-instated as there is absolutely no precedent for such a radical move.

When reached for comment, Shaun Boyle--former JGPB GM and current president--had this to say: "To say we're disappointed is an understatement. MJD was the last piece in the puzzle for our championship run. While I can't place all the blame on the commish as I think he's getting some bad advice from the PRN chair...it's just hard to think that he and his wife would bring a child into a world where something like this could take place. Definitely a dark time for the PSAS. I implore the commish to re-instate the trade."

BREAKING: Tiger Mountain Taken! Franchise poised for Trans-Generational Fantasy Dominance

Be the Ball

Kiss the Tiger

BREAKING: MJD 1.1.0 WOPR Update Slowed by League Office Servers/Meddling by PRN Chair

At approximately 5:30PM PST on 11/23, WOPR began downloading the MJD 1.1.0 software update shortly after Monique released the build to JGPB in exchange for the Jacquizz Rodgers backup utility program and a 2012 3rd round draft pick.

While the download is expected to last until 12am PST on 11/25, members of the JGPB office are already worried that the league office servers will be unable to handle the load.

Current JGPB President (and former GM) Shaun Boyle has also expressed fear that the PRN chairman will "pull the plug" on the trade by terminating all data connections to the league office. As of Thanksgiving morning, JGPB President (and former GM) Shaun Boyle has asked all front office employees to cancel holiday plans and gather at team headquarters to develop contingency plans as the league trade deadline approaches.

Light refreshments will be served.