1. BldgDW3LL1NGTh1nk1ng - The beautiful green color is just the beginning-- green tea Kit Kats are exquisitely rich and smooth. Is the Fitzpatrick bubble ready to burst? Can AJ Green keep up his pace? Green tea calms the nerves.
2. psych dog - Strawberry cheese cake Kit Kats are the perfect balance between tart strawberry and creamy cheesecake flavoring. Just like the balance between Kamara and Thomas in the Saints offense juggernaut. If Wentz is again a top five QB option that could be the key to a bye.
3. GrossmanSachs - Apple vinegar Kit Kats. Yes please. Nothing else combines the crunch of a Kit Kat with the aroma of your Aunt's newly mopped floors. The familiar scent of the playoffs is in play with Watson throwing from behind every game and Gurley running downhill. The Sexy Rexies could use the vinegar to polish the trophy we've been promised for so long.
5. Dijonnaise All-Stars - Wasabi goes great on anything. Especially crunchy, crispy Chocolate of Kit Kats. Over time we know that zombie teams list and then sink, but with top shelf spices like Brees and Brown the zombie mustard could keep for a while.
6. HomeSpunNeckBloodz - Sakura roasted Soy Bean. Evoke the feeling and taste of the Cherry Blossom festival in Brooklyn Botanic Garden with a bite of this treat. The Bloodz would doubtless like to evoke the memory of Jameis Winston sooner rather than later and exorcise ghosts of past Tampa titrations.7. AEthernauts - Chocobanana. Now we're talking! Put these on a penut butter and jelly sandwich and consume at 4 AM. Rivers has been lightning in a bottle, but we've seen him disappear into obscurity before.
8. Trichotillomaniacs Lemon. Tart, delicious, and your dose of vitamin C to prevent scurvy. The Trichs ceiling is just as tall as the Cam-dy man grows this season.
10. ThePelicanBrief - Grape, it's a purple world with your sizzurp and you're grape Kit Kats. With Rodger, Gronk and Jimmy Graham the Brief hopes that 2011 is back in style in a big way.
11. Polk High Panthers - pineapple is the perfect flavoring if you never have to open the fruit itself. Likewise the Panthers are tasty but don't dig to deep.
Break me off a piece of that Hei-de-gger!
ReplyDeleteMore importantly, the g0dbank's kit kat power rankingz power rankingz. Ordered by taste (non-blood category).
1. Chocobanana - The chocolate is redundant here, right? It's still a damn kit kat. Or... oh no, is chocolate not implied in all the other flavors?! That would change my rankingz and I made the list before writing the descriptions, so... just gonna pretend these all also have chocolate.
2. Strawberry Cheesecake - This has a very high ceiling (higher than chocobanana), but "cheesecake" flavors tend to not live up to the name.
3. Pineapple - Honestly, I have no idea why I put it this high. It's... fine, I'm sure.
4. Seafood - I'd almost be afraid to try it for fear I'd love it and never be able to have it again, like most of my sexual fantasies.
5. Grape - Grape is the OG artificial flavor. Need me to eat medicine? Grape. Need me to do my taxes? Grape lollipops.
6. Lemon Tart - Sign me up. I may even talk myself into it being good for me after a couple bites.
6.5 - Anything other than the rest of the flavors
7. Green Tea - The best green tea has no flavor, hopefully this is innocuous.
8. Corn - I agree that this is utterly american. And yet, not popular with the stateside waifus and husbandos. Probably gives a hint.
9. Purple sweet potato - This is what Grimmace is, right?
10. Soybean bullshit - First time I ever had a redbean cake... I'm at a 20th anniversary re-release premiere of Raging Bull with my sister-in-law. I am living my best life, sitting in the Zeigfeld, watching an all-time classic on a huge screen with Marty and Bobby and the super hot-blonde in attendance. My sister-in-law offers me a delicious looking pastry. I take a bite, and am so incensed with how awful it is that I beat the shit out of Joe Pesci. I'm guessing this tastes like that.
11. Apple vinegar - Fuck apple vinegar. It's what we should use to melt all the world's garbage into a sludge that we can feed aspiring defensive tackles.
12. Wasabi - Fuck wasabi more.
P.S. I wrote this while on a bullshit diet that doesn't include sugar or pretty much anything except dirt. The only sugar I've had in the past two weeks was when I ate a gummy edible with the owner of NeckBloodz and we laughed our asses off about Herm Edwards being interrogated by the Devil's Digest in his first press conference. I'd eat any of these right now.
Dude, eat nuff sugar dis free world
ReplyDelete