#ImportantQuestion

BREAKING: SF FERRIES TO START SHOCKTOP COSPLAYER/NFL QB JIMMY CLAUSEN IN PSAS CHAMPIONSHIP GAME

From Left to Right: Shocktop Mascot & Shocktop Mascot Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen.
Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen will start for the Ferries in the PSAS Championship game just 1 week after the Ferries dodged a bullet by starting Blue Moon enthusiast/NFL QB Johnny Manziel.

(ed. correction: Shocktop Mascot Cosplayer Jimmy Clausen is on the left...we think...so hard to tell)

CRAFT BEER REPORT #3: SAM ADAMS REBEL IPA

Welcome to the 3rd PSAS Craft Beer Report.  Up this week is Rebel IPA from Sam Adams.  Bros, I'll be totally honest...this beer is the fucking shit.  Take a look at that fucking bad ass font.  THIS BEER MEANS FUCKING BUSINESS.

Straight up I downloaded that font and installed it on my computer so I could use it in Word 2014 (#humblebrag).  Check it out, bros:

My Word .docx are going to be mad tight from here on out.

Now to the beer:

FIRST IMPRESSIONS:  The packaging blows my fucking mind.  I haven't been so blown away since I went on that 311 music cruise a couple years ago and met my first wife (RIP).  FUCCCKKKKKKK THAT FONT IS SO FUCKING COOOLLLLLL.  

TASTE:  AHHHHH.  MY MOUTH IS BURNING.  THIS BEER IS SO FUCKING BITTER.  WHY DOES IT TASTE SO BITTER.  AHHHH.  I gotta chase this with some Shock Top and fast.....OKAY everything is better now.  Shock Top sure is great but their fonts fucking suck.  Too bad a craft brewery like Shock Top can't afford a better font...I should start a Kickstarter.   

FINAL GRADE: A+ for Font.  F for taste.  A+++ for attitude.  I think I'll just walk around parties with an empty bottle so I look cool.   

Jared Allen Vows to Double Down

Upset with his team's performance in the wake of an 0-2 start, Jared Allen has vowed to "double-down". After last weeks blow-out to JG's Pelican Brief, Allen tweeted:

Today's the day...
Today's the day I give sacrifice to Odin,
Today's the day I harken to the lamentations of my enemy's women
Today's the day I feast deep in a mead-hall stained with its owner's blood
Today's the day I double down

Pressed about his statements on Monday, Allen insisted that he was in pitching a new commercial for KFC's popular chicken, bacon and cheese sandwich. He added, "but it's entirely possible I'll kill someone on Sunday."