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Monday, October 25, 2010

Et tu Beanie?


Matt Taibbi
Rolling Stone.com, Home and Garden: Just Bulbs!, DrowningBears.
blogspot.com
10/25/2010




(New York, NY) As you may know, and most of my readers surely do, there has been a rash of extremist, anti-banking, anti-bailout, healthcare-hating, racist, pigheadedness sweeping our country. Chief among its causes would be the Republican funded "Internet". It seems you can say anything you want on the "web", even if it's mean-spirited, or a lying-faced lie. Did you know some people believe the Federal Reserve is a privately owned corporation? Others even believe that Al Gore isn't fighting global warming with Deep Freeze technology originally developed for Batman and Robin (the weapon is being demonstrated here by the Governor of California). It seems you can get away with anything on this right-wing hate-board 'net. This was sadly proven once again today when the ultra-conservative, holocaust-think-tank website BoilingFrogs.com reported Chris "Beanie" Wells was working as a double-agent intent on destroying Grossman-Sachs for over two months.

Sibel Edmonds, host of the Boiling Frogs website had this to say:
"Endless wars? Illegal wiretaps? Running back double-agents? Can you feel the water boiling? Chris Wells, codename "Beanie", was a trusted and beloved member of Grossman Sachs. His poor performance in the first six weeks of this fiscal quarter led the to unfortunate divorce of Beanie from his employer. It is only now, after Operation Beanstalk has "gone live" so to speak, that we are finding out the true nature of Wells' employment at Grossman."

Edmonds, while hot and Turkish, is just another mouthpiece of the Neo-Nazi, Collectivist "Ice-T Party". While most of the Ice-T Partiers are restricted to their parents basement, an irate minority hell-bent on setting brushfires in the minds of men has crawled out of their caves to "expose" the truth. Many believe Edmonds is merely agreeing with T's politics so she can get some of that sugar.

According to their website, Ice-T Partiers' ideology derives from John Locke's seminal work, "Pimpin' Aint Easy: Government for the Masses" In it, Locke explains that natural law gives all men (and some feminists would say women) the right to pimp, that is to allocate a ho's time so as to include a client's climax window. Their biggest fear is that big government will get in the way. Ice-T himself has successfully lobbied for his constitional right to pimp several times in the last two decades. Edmonds was his legal aide / ho o' the moment for the most recent case.

Wells was hard to reach for comment, as he was partying on Bu1ld1ngDw3ll1ngTh1nk1ng's yacht, but he tweeted the following: "Grossman Sucks! 0p B3&NST&LK in effect! EVRYTHNG EZ in Milez School!" But as much as I may disagree with the virulence from mainstream media sites such as BoilingFrogs, I do find Well's sudden upturn surprising. While performing at a Cowboys level of mediocrity through six weeks, Wells suddenly strapped on a John Holmes superdong and slapped his old employer repeatedly across the face with it. Could Wells explosion merely be coincidence? Edmonds disagrees.

"What we have here is a pattern of touchdown reluctance, injury nursing, and possible widespread chicanery. Grossman Sachs has already been caught throwing games for speculative gains, and Mr. Wells subpar six weeks would lead to the same conclusions." But Grossman board member Prescott Bush IV vehemently denied such allegations. "We all wanna win, okay? Some of us just want to win a little less than others so that we can win the big win and not the little win, and yes a win is a win, but sometimes a win is a loss, and we think the loss of Wells is a win, even though it led to a loss... Do you party by the way?" Bush IV then held aloft a baby penguin and what must have been at least a kilogram of cocaine, infer what you will.

Wells' representation, a rumored Mossad agent who goes only by Dreidelburg, points out that his client did play the first six games without a helmet, which could only hurt his numbers. "He's out there without a helmet, what am I supposed to say he was playing his best? He played about as well as a Palestinian at Parcheesi." While the simile may be hard to wrap your head around, I can assure you Dreidelburg meant business; he conducted the entire interview with a Micro-Tavor MTAR-21 pressed against my skull.

As crazy as Edmonds and Ice T may be, there may be something to this Operation Beanstalk coverup. BDThinking continues to roll, but we'll have to see if Wells' performance stays at a high level against teams other than his former employer. BoilingFrogs posted this picture, showing Beanie leaving Grossman Sachs for the final time, seemingly with his playbook in tow. More details to follow.

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